Diet Beware: The Hidden Risks of Eating Disorders and Body Image Obsession | S7 E6

Angie Gonzalez [00:00:00]:
And I'm talking about even 20 year olds that are like, I think I have depression because TikTok told me. And I'm like, have you taken an inventory to find out if you have depression? Let's do that. Oh, look. You do not have depression. Right?

Lauren Alessi [00:00:22]:
Hello, everybody. My name is Lauren Alessi, and welcome to the family business podcast with the Alessis, where family is everybody's business. I'm so excited to be hosting today's episode because we have a very special guest with us today. This Angie Gonzalez. And if you don't know who Angie Gonzalez is, well, you are in for a wild ride. She is actually a licensed mental health counselor in the state of Florida. She's also a life coach. She is EMDR certified, and she has founded a amazing company called Eden Therapy Co, which I myself have visited several times.

Lauren Alessi [00:00:59]:
I have referred people to several times. I am a huge fan of Eden Therapy Co in South Florida. But Angie, why don't you tell us a little about yourself?

Angie Gonzalez [00:01:10]:
So I've been a therapist for close to 20 years now in the community, and I'm passionate about trauma and eating disorders. That's really where I find my my calling. That's awesome. Yeah.

Lauren Alessi [00:01:22]:
I'm so excited to be doing this episode with you because when I, first wanted to get involved in the mental health world, I met with you Yes. At your office in Coral Gables. And I was like, so what do I do? And you're like, I love it. And so we you gave me so much amazing advice, and so thank you for being that just, like, literally a guiding light all those years ago. It was amazing. But you had mentioned that you really are passionate about working with eating disorders and trauma, And I've been blessed enough to sort of see you in that light a few times, but that's what we're gonna be essentially talking about today on this episode of the family business podcast with Thalesis is specifically eating disorders. People who struggle with even the way they look sometimes because maybe it's not an eating disorder, but you struggle with your weight, you struggle with your body and how you look. It's a real thing in today's society.

Lauren Alessi [00:02:23]:
It has been for a really long time. And I just wanna say this before we start. If you yourself are struggling, this episode is for you. If you know somebody that's struggling, whether it's a friend or a family member, go ahead. And before this episode officially starts, just send this episode to them. Before you forget, before it's too late, go ahead and send this to them and say, hey. This may be of service to you. This may be of help for them because, Angie, you have some amazing, information, and you are a deep well for people who are struggling with eating disorders and things like this.

Lauren Alessi [00:02:56]:
Thank you. Of course. So, let's start with this. What is your background in mental health?

Angie Gonzalez [00:03:02]:
So I started at Miami Children's Psychiatric Hospital. Now it's called Nicholas. Mhmm. And then I went to a substance abuse facility for a very short stent, and it was like, that was not my flow for sure.

Lauren Alessi [00:03:16]:
Yeah.

Angie Gonzalez [00:03:16]:
And I started working in the field of trauma. So for the first about 6 years of my therapeutic life, I worked with, survivors of sexual abuse and sexual assault.

Lauren Alessi [00:03:26]:
Wow.

Angie Gonzalez [00:03:27]:
And then I went to the eating disorder world, and I worked for a, inpatient facility with eating disorders, again, for about 5 to 6 years. And then, god really pushed me to open my own private practice.

Lauren Alessi [00:03:43]:
And

Angie Gonzalez [00:03:43]:
then fast forward about, like, 15 years, god pushed me again to open Eden Therapy Co. So that's that's kind of my background.

Lauren Alessi [00:03:53]:
Awesome. So and I remember meeting with you and you had said, like, you had tried on several different hats and you were like, this is not for me. This is not for me. And then you met the eating disorder sort of world and you're like, this is the trauma and eating disorder world. You're like, this is

Angie Gonzalez [00:04:08]:
for me. Yes. Which I thought was so interesting. So sometimes God brings you people. And when I was at my at Miami Children's or Nicholas, what would happen is that every kid who had trauma would just, like, automatically come to me. And so I like to say sometimes God chooses our populations for us because I had no idea. So that's kind of where it evolved to me being like, okay, trauma is definitely my thing.

Lauren Alessi [00:04:35]:
Yeah. Yeah. And that really stuck out to me because on when I was doing my internship, I would work with very few, but it would come across when I was in the school, kids with eating disorders. And I would I was like, I'm not connecting the dots here. Like, I just I I as a therapist, it's not clicking for me. So I grew so much, admiration for you because where I felt grace for others, where some therapists were like, I just don't feel grace I don't feel called to that area. You were very much like I don't I don't know. It's very interesting how you say that how we have grace for certain areas Mhmm.

Lauren Alessi [00:05:15]:
And we don't have grace for certain areas, but how God's like, that's okay. There's other people called to that area. It was really cool to see that and the dots connected all those years later. Mhmm. But my admiration grew for you because I was like, woah. I I can't connect with this. This is this is deep stuff, so respect to you.

Angie Gonzalez [00:05:33]:
Thank you. Yeah. For sure. I mean, the way that I see it, honestly, is that any behavior is a manifestation of what's happening in the soul of the person. Right? Or whatever happened to them along the way. And so when trauma happens, right, and it can be anything, it could be of a sexual nature or it could be a divorce or it could be COVID, whatever happens, whatever happens within that soul area, the feelings, the thoughts, the beliefs, the wills, the emotions that are there, they're manifested in the body. And it's just, how is it manifested in the body? And eating disorders is one of the ways that it's manifested. And with substance abuse, it was it's just different because one of my friends is very gifted with substance abuse, and I always tell her hats off to her because Yeah.

Angie Gonzalez [00:06:17]:
The mortality rate is so high. And I don't know if my heart could take that. Yeah. But with eating disorders, even though it has the 2nd highest mortality rate of all psychiatric disorders, I have time and we have time and really God has time to affect the person and get them to change. Yeah. So the way that I conceptualize it a lot of times is just like, okay. This is a behavior that's happening, and it is a severe behavior, and it is concerning. Right? But what happened to cause that behavior to come out?

Lauren Alessi [00:06:49]:
What you just said is so important, and I want every listener to understand the importance. And if you're looking for a therapist, if you're looking for a psychiatrist, anybody, make sure that they're matching Angie's language because that is the holistic approach. And it doesn't even have to be Christian. Right? Like but that right there of yeah. I just see it as it's a manifestation of what's happening in the body and what's happening in the soul. Mhmm. That is the holistic approach. And I talk about this all the time that, physicians weren't they're not treating holistically at all.

Lauren Alessi [00:07:24]:
It's just, okay. You came to see me for your leg. I'm just treating your leg. But we need to be viewing people as a whole body. Body, mind, soul, spirit, everything. It they all are intertwined. So when you hear a physician, even if they're a therapist or a, you know, podiatrist, whatever they are, but if they're treating you holistically and viewing that, hey, this may be just a trauma issue or this may be, this may be a physical issue, not even a mental issue. It's so important that they're viewing somebody as a whole body and not just, oh, well, I'm just gonna do my job and stay in this one lane.

Lauren Alessi [00:08:03]:
Mhmm. So what you just said was like it just blew my mind because I'm like, yes.

Angie Gonzalez [00:08:07]:
But it's so good because what you're saying is a 100% what it is. Mhmm. We have to look at a person through a bio, psycho, social, spiritual sphere. And if we don't look at all 4 areas, then we're missing the boat, like, big time on how to help somebody address the root and get better.

Lauren Alessi [00:08:23]:
Mhmm.

Angie Gonzalez [00:08:24]:
So what you're saying is true. So what she said Yeah. Exactly.

Lauren Alessi [00:08:28]:
And, essentially, if you don't find a physician who is saying these things, just be aware because that's what you want. Okay. I'm so glad you said that. Wow. That's just a little side note. Okay. So I did wanna jump into the talking about eating disorders in such an image conscious society.

Angie Gonzalez [00:08:47]:
Mhmm.

Lauren Alessi [00:08:47]:
I feel like when I was growing up as a teen, I had a little bit of it, of seeing the fitness influencers on social media, girls showing their bodies. But I feel like that has grown exponentially. So what have you seen in your expertise? What are your thoughts on have they risen? What what what is that like sort of behind the scenes in the eating disorder world in such an image conscious society?

Angie Gonzalez [00:09:15]:
So for me, it's tough because I did not grow up with social media. Yeah. But I also didn't grow up in the United States. So I grew up a large part in Europe. And so seeing my body being so different from them, there was still a little bit of comparison, but it wasn't the focus. But once social media comes into the picture and, you know, protect your kids as much as you can from social media is what I would say, because it is family business.

Lauren Alessi [00:09:41]:
Yeah. No. It's true.

Angie Gonzalez [00:09:42]:
But for real, like, it's just not a great platform for kids to have because they start comparing themselves. Right? And so the comparison is really what leads to so many disorders. Number 1, you're comparing yourself to people's best lives. Right? Because you're not really seeing the truth. And then a lot of TikTok influencers or TikTok is a huge one that if I could have, like, a dollar every time one of my clients is like, but Tik Tok said. And I'm like, oh, who's Tik Tok? And I'm talking about even 20 year olds that are like, I think I have depression because Tik Tok told me. And I'm like, have you taken an inventory to find out if you have depression? Let's do that. Oh, look, you do not have depression.

Angie Gonzalez [00:10:23]:
Right? But when it comes straight to the eating disorder world, there was one diet that it blew me away. It was called the dandelion diet that a lot of kids hopped on this train. And it was all about drinking dandelion tea. And it's like, no, that's not gonna make you, like, lose weight, you know? But because this person said so on social media, now everybody is doing it. And then the next issue that happens is not only do you get like this information that's distorted, not only are you comparing yourself to other people, but now your self esteem starts getting impacted because you're looking at how many likes do I have? What is that? And even when it comes to body image, like it's like if I compared my body image to yours. Right? You're a lot younger than I am. And your parents' physical body is very different from what my parents' physical body is. And even though there's debate about how much our body is genetic, like, there is a truth.

Angie Gonzalez [00:11:18]:
I tell all my clients, like, my mom had a really big butt. Like, I'm gonna have a big butt.

Lauren Alessi [00:11:22]:
It's true.

Angie Gonzalez [00:11:22]:
It's just the way it is. The way it is. No matter what I do, it's not gonna go down. Yeah. You know? And so accept it. Love it. And, going back to the scripture, like, just you were intricately, like, made inside of your mom. Right? Like, he is so detailed about the way that he made you, your eye color, your hair color, your skin color.

Angie Gonzalez [00:11:43]:
So sometimes I challenge my clients, and I'm like, well, when you compare yourself to somebody else, are you telling God that he made a mistake? No. It's true. You know?

Lauren Alessi [00:11:52]:
It's true. And it's one thing for me that that was very challenging because I I worked in a school for just, like, a year and a half. It wasn't super long. I think 2 years at most. But I would see girls that to wear a crop top and jeans, they would eat meals and then immediately after, laxatives. And then, like, lunchtime and then laxatives right up. Like, I it was just insane to

Angie Gonzalez [00:12:14]:
me just to keep that appearance of what was seen on social media. And you know what's really crazy about laxative abuse? It doesn't even work. So people mistaken that and I have to address it because I've seen the extreme of it. So laxatives don't work because all they do is take away the water from your body. So the second you have a cup of water, what do you think happens?

Lauren Alessi [00:12:37]:
You just

Angie Gonzalez [00:12:38]:
You blow up again.

Lauren Alessi [00:12:39]:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Angie Gonzalez [00:12:39]:
Right? And then because your food is already digested, all of the calories, all of the intake is already inside of your body. So it's not even allowing you to get thin. And when you abuse laxative, like the colon stops, working, basically. Yeah. And I've seen cases where they've used so many, laxatives that their colon is shut out and they have to wear a colostomy bag. Oh my god. So if there is something I can please I have such a, like I'm like, that just doesn't work. Stop.

Angie Gonzalez [00:13:10]:
Yeah. You know? Don't do the laxative situation because it's not gonna work. And it messes up your entire digestive system because then you're like, well, I can't go to the bathroom regularly. Well, duh.

Lauren Alessi [00:13:20]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Angie Gonzalez [00:13:21]:
You know? You're not allowing your body to operate naturally. Oh my gosh. So when it comes to laxatives, like, just don't do it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's just not worth it.

Lauren Alessi [00:13:31]:
Well and that was one thing that was always sort of this is where I was like, I do not have the grace, and I have gained so much respect for Angie because I was like, just don't wear the crop top then because it was a I have to keep up disappearance of what is seen on social media. I have to wear the tight clothes and the tight jeans. But in order to do that, I have to not eat, skip a meal, or if I eat, take a laxative. Mhmm. And, I mean, it was just insane to me that this and and I didn't wanna ever just, like, prescribe it as an eating disorder because I didn't feel qualified in that moment to say, oh, you know, this is an eating disorder. You never wanna quickly label it unless you're, at least for me, in an office sitting 1 on 1 and you, like you said, take an inventory. But you you know in your gut that you're like, this is not okay. This is not right.

Lauren Alessi [00:14:19]:
This is not how you should be eating. That it's just sort of wrong for I don't know. Just to keep up with this such an heavy image conscious society that this is what they're doing to sort of ruin their bodies and set their bodies off course. Yeah. And it's just they're not letting their bodies operate correctly, like you said, as God had intended for their bodies to be created, not just on the outside, on the inside. And it's just sad. But one thing I did wanna also talk about was we know girls struggle with eating disorders, but what about men? What have you seen with young guys with boys and men and eating disorders?

Angie Gonzalez [00:14:56]:
So with boys, it's the same thing. And I think, like, in the past and let's clarify, like, men really don't get as much help for eating disorders as women do. I think it's, like, more normalized in the female community. Yeah. But before it used to be that a lot of men hid behind orthorexia, which is basically, like, you're really clean eating and you're exercising all the time. But, you know, every once in a while you have your cheat day and you basically binge. So this is kind of where it was in the past. And now it's developed into like an obsession with muscles and musculature or an obsession with thinness also.

Angie Gonzalez [00:15:37]:
Even though the obsession with thinness is a lot smaller than the muscle one. And the issue with that is that then, you know, we talked about girls maybe taking laxatives. Well, then boys start taking steroids. Yeah. And that messes up your whole DNA structure. Yeah. So, like, what like, what are we doing? Yeah. And and you said about the crop top, like, just don't wear it.

Angie Gonzalez [00:15:55]:
Yeah. That's an that's an option. But there's another option, which is wear it and be happy with the body that God gave you.

Lauren Alessi [00:16:02]:
Yeah. That's true.

Angie Gonzalez [00:16:02]:
And and that goes back to the question of identity. Like, who is speaking over your life? Who is giving you identity? Is it what God says? Is it what your family that loves you says? Or is it what somebody on social media tells you that you are? Right? Because they're strangers. They don't really know who you are. Like, I could create a whole persona on social media that is not who I am. Mhmm. But what does that do for me? Yeah. Yeah. If that's not really who I am.

Lauren Alessi [00:16:30]:
No. That's very true. That's very and I think it brings up a good point of who's speaking into their lives Mhmm. And affirming these things about their bodies and affirming these things. And that was one thing that you you could sort of visibly notice working with adolescents that there were kids that it's like they didn't care. They didn't care what they're wearing. They didn't care what they were, like, what they looked like. Mhmm.

Lauren Alessi [00:16:52]:
They just had a confidence in them versus there were some kids that it's like every little thing they really, really cared about. There was a lot of intentionality that went into them. But you sort of wonder, okay. Who's speaking into their lives? What's the difference here? And, usually, it goes back to a healthy household. Yes. And when you have healthy parents speaking into your lives and even a healthy sibling dynamic, I think, is really important too. Siblings that are just close and speak, you know, normal fights, of course, but, like, speak positivity and confidence into each other And parents who are uplifting their children versus

Angie Gonzalez [00:17:29]:
an iPad kid. Yeah. And one of the things that I always say is a mother affirms. You're so beautiful. You're so great. You're so talented. Right? But a father confirms. So what's happened in our society is that because there's a lot of fatherlessness, a lot of people grow up wanting the confirmation of who they are from a father that's not there.

Angie Gonzalez [00:17:50]:
And as Christians, we're so blessed because we do have a father that is there. Our physical father may not be there, but our father in heaven does. And so sometimes it's just what are the lies that you're receiving? And so change them for god's truth. Right? Like, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. My life is here for a reason and a purpose. You know? But if you don't have a father confirming who you are and saying, no. I see that you're this, it does something to a child. All you have to do is look at the difference when a little girl or even a boy, the mother is like, oh, you're so beautiful.

Angie Gonzalez [00:18:27]:
And they're like, oh, thanks. But as soon as the dad says you're beautiful, it hits difference.

Lauren Alessi [00:18:32]:
It's true. I see. True. No. It's very, very true. It's almost like concrete is laid at that moment when a father speaks into a child's life.

Angie Gonzalez [00:18:40]:
Which is also why in the eating disorder world, you have to be careful what you're saying about your body around your kids because that's what they pick up. If your parents are very dissatisfied with their bodies and are doing all sorts of plastic surgeries or going to the gym to bulk up or taking hormones, like whatever it is that they're doing, like that's gonna be translated onto your kids because your kids wanna be like you whether they say it or they don't, especially teenagers. You know, they're never gonna agree to that. But it's the truth. Like, you're coming from a household. So if my so my mom was very large too, but she always got dressed up. She had her clothes made. You know, like, she was, like, all about life.

Angie Gonzalez [00:19:21]:
And so that taught me that there are things that are way more important than our bodies. Mhmm. I take care of my body a little bit differently than she did. But, like, that joy of living is really what life is about.

Lauren Alessi [00:19:33]:
Wow. Well and that's so that's really beautiful too that, like you said, even as a kid, it was never about the body. Your mom gave you life beyond, like, yeah, you you get dressed up and you go to a nice event, and you wear nice earrings. I don't know. You do your hair nice. Mhmm. And that's really, really special as a kid that you would pick up on that. That I don't but it's it's special because I'm also seeing that in other friends.

Lauren Alessi [00:19:59]:
I'm like, I see that now. It's really special. But, tell me more about the I wanna go back to the muscle dysmorphia, but then I also wanna talk about the parents affecting their kids. I think that's really important. But I wanna talk more about the, I don't know if it's still a diagnosis, but the muscle in men because that is a huge thing. I feel like all I hear now is just men going to the gym almost unhealthily. Right? Like, to the point where I they can't skip a gym day. They can't skip a leg day.

Lauren Alessi [00:20:28]:
They can't skip anything. But do you see a lot of that personally, like, working with men 1 on 1, or do you

Angie Gonzalez [00:20:34]:
just feel like it's not being treated as much? So I see it, but it's not what I treat a lot only because I get a lot of binge eating disorder in men. Wow. Like, that's what I get more of. When COVID came along, it just amplified the binge eating because people were isolated. They were alone. We had Uber Eats. Like, it was like you could get anything you wanted to and because you're not getting connection with other people, well then you get connection with food. And so there was a lot more of that.

Angie Gonzalez [00:21:06]:
And so that's really where I've seen the uptick because most of the people who are at the gym, like, think about it. If you have anxiety as a therapist, what do you tell people?

Lauren Alessi [00:21:16]:
Like, basically exercise. Exercise.

Angie Gonzalez [00:21:18]:
Go to the gym. Walk. Right. So so it seems like it's something that's so okay. It's not a big deal. But you hit on something really important, which is that when it becomes an obsession

Lauren Alessi [00:21:29]:
Yeah.

Angie Gonzalez [00:21:29]:
When you can't skip a day, then something is happening. And what we see more in the eating disorder world is that not just the bulking up, but then it leads to taking the steroids. Like now we have like a whole situation when it comes to that. But to me, it's just the development of before it was like you were in the gym all the time running and you were eating really, really clean and you were orthorexic. And now we go to, now we're going to build and build and build and build all this muscle. And again, going back, like what if your musculature isn't built for that? Right? Now you're going to try to do something to make it that way. And one of the things that people don't realize about exercise is that it can be a form of purging. So if we think of bulimia, bulimia is when you intake large amounts of food or you just intake food and then you find a way of purging it.

Angie Gonzalez [00:22:19]:
And that's one of the ways. So if you work with eating disorders, it's really important to ask, like, how much exercise do you do? Like, what do you do? Because you never want to stop to see, like, is that a way that they're getting rid of food? So like, no, I eat fine. And then I go to the gym and I work out for 5 hours.

Lauren Alessi [00:22:36]:
Well,

Angie Gonzalez [00:22:36]:
that's an issue because who can sustain that?

Lauren Alessi [00:22:39]:
Right? Yeah. And it's like the eating time to the burn time is not equivalent. Exactly. Wow. That's really interesting. And you mentioned something, and I did write this on in my questions about binge eating.

Angie Gonzalez [00:22:51]:
Mhmm.

Lauren Alessi [00:22:51]:
And I I I think when people think of eating disorders, they immediately associate just very anorexic, very skinny people. That's where their brain goes. And something that really opened my eyes when I honestly read the DSM, when I was, like, right through Right. Was I was like, okay. Binge eating is a massive part of eating disorders. So what is your what do you see in that? What is some advice you have for people who maybe struggle with binge eating? Because the truth is I don't whereas anorexia, it can be very obvious. Mhmm. Binge eating can be something that you can have a friend who struggles with it, and you may see it accumulate over amount of time, but it's not something super obvious.

Lauren Alessi [00:23:32]:
So what is something you may have? Just a little bit of advice for that. So

Angie Gonzalez [00:23:37]:
you can't see an eating disorder, and it doesn't matter which one it is, whether it's anorexia, bulimia. Some of them are more obvious, like, with anorexia, really low weight anorexic, you might see. But there are people who can't lose weight. It's very interesting. And so they'll be anorexic on the inside, but on the outside you don't see that. Or bulimia a lot of times you don't see. And binge eating in my experience is part of all of the eating disorders Because if you starve yourself long enough, there's going to be a point where you're going to binge. It's just going to happen.

Angie Gonzalez [00:24:08]:
There's no answer ifs about it. It's going to happen. And what you binge on depends on where it comes from. And with bulimia, I mean, that's part of it. You binge and then you purge. That's it. Whichever way you choose to purge, but you're gonna purge out those calories in some way or another. And then with binge eating disorder, the difference is is that there's no compensatory behavior.

Angie Gonzalez [00:24:28]:
So there's nothing that you're gonna do. Right? And and the thing with binge eating is that it's not like I overate. Right? Like, I was at Thanksgiving and I overate and, I feel sick. That happens to the majority of people. Right? Yeah. Which when you recover from eating disorders, the hope is that you're paying attention to your hunger and fullness because we do live in a country where food is always available. So we don't have to worry about it running out. Yeah.

Angie Gonzalez [00:24:54]:
But then with binge eating, it's like this, it's just over and above consistently over time. And a lot of times it's done secretively, so you would never know. Yeah. You would really never know. And so, you know, maybe it's ordering, like, 24 donuts in 1 night and eating them or going through drive thrus and just hitting 1 drive thru after the other, after the other, after the other and just eating and eating and eating. And if we go back to what we were talking about in the beginning, it's really self medicating because of the pain that's underneath. Because if you eat enough, you get put into, like, what they call food coma. Right? But you do.

Angie Gonzalez [00:25:30]:
You just pass out, and that's it. So but then, unfortunately, the cycle is you wake up and you're shameful and upset. So you asked, what's some advice that I have? I mean, the first is get help, and I'll always say that just because all eating disorders are, like, deadly. And I don't say that, like, to scare anybody, but it's just the truth of, like, what happens to people's bodies. And then the second thing I say is if you have the urge to do any of the behaviors, just stop for a moment and ask yourself, like, what's coming up for me that I'm wanting to do this? Or what's the pain that I'm trying to hide by doing this behavior? And that begins the key of of starting because eating disorder work is really intricate because you have to go through all of the spheres. So doctor's checkups, make sure that everything's okay, what's happening in their social world, what happened in their life. Right?

Lauren Alessi [00:26:31]:
Mhmm.

Angie Gonzalez [00:26:32]:
What's happening in their thought life, which is like the psychological part. And then when they are Christians, right, and even if they're not, in my head, I have the framework of spirituality. Like, where does God need to intervene? Like, where do I have to pray for my client? Like, where do I need to ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to them? Because we may know the answers, but it doesn't matter unless the person knows the answers. So it's just start. Start somewhere. Right? There's free groups like the Alliance For Eating Disorders. They have free virtual groups. So you don't even have to leave your home, but just do you relate to it? Do you not? You know? And then there's a Christian resource called Finding Balance and they also have virtual groups.

Angie Gonzalez [00:27:14]:
So there there is help for people who don't have finances too. No. Thank you for

Lauren Alessi [00:27:20]:
that because, there's always a step before, okay, I have a serious there's a few steps before, okay, I I I've I have a serious problem. And, I'm very grateful that, like, I've never struggled with any over like, a a serious eating disorder or a serious even just over exercise. But again, growing up with the social media world, I can absolutely empathize with the I would, consider skipping a meal and consider over exerting exercise because I wanted to look like the girl on Instagram. And this is going back to Instagram back in, I don't know, 20 16, not the Instagram or TikTok that it was today. So I can't imagine the, the sort of things people have to struggle with today. And I don't want this conversation because when it does come to food and eating, it can be covered in a lot of shame. Mhmm. And it can be something that people are like, I don't even know how to bring this conversation up.

Lauren Alessi [00:28:26]:
Especially if it's with a friend, right, who struggles with binge eating, you don't know how to bring that up. But it's like you said, it it can be a matter of life and death. Mhmm. Whether it's binge eating, whether it's you're starving yourself. Mhmm. It is a matter of life and death, and they do need to get help. So I'm so glad you just laid out such simple advice, such easy advice to follow, and thank you for that. But we are not done.

Lauren Alessi [00:28:53]:
I that was perfect. I did wanna go back to we were talking so interestingly about, even Ozempic before we started. Mhmm. And then we had also talked before we talked a little bit about, okay, parents exert, exerting maybe too much exercise or getting too much plastic surgery. And for those listening who are don't know where we live, we live in Miami. I see that a lot. Like Yeah. Parents who are maybe more millennial parents, it's very image focused because they also grew up on social media, over exerting exercise, over exerting plastic surgery, and they have little kids.

Lauren Alessi [00:29:32]:
So what let's revisit that a little bit. And then also, if you can, if you want to bring in maybe a touch of the Ozempic conversation as well, and then you have little eyes watching you that are really, admiring mom and dad. Mhmm. What do you have to say to people in that age range?

Angie Gonzalez [00:29:49]:
So when it comes to, like, plastic surgery and Botox and all of the things, I think you have to ask yourself why. Like, what is what is the goal behind it? Like, why do I want that? Is it because I'm dissatisfied with who I am and and then the outside appearance will mirror, like, my in like, hopefully, will take will take root and then my inside feels better? Or is it really that it's something that needs to be done? Because there there are kids who have, like, a really messed up nose, let's say, for example. Right? And they really want a nose job. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. You know? If or if you're a parent that you're like, you know, I really don't like it. Or sometimes moms, after they give birth to their kids, their breasts just aren't the same. So I'm not saying that you can't do something like that. Right? There there is a reason and a purpose for it.

Angie Gonzalez [00:30:42]:
Right? Like, if your chest deflated after, you know, childbirth, you might want to put some in. Fine. You know? Let's go. But if you're constantly saying negative things about your body, well, where did your son or daughter come from? They came from you. And so now they're gonna start internalizing that, right, as part of who they are. So it's more of you watching your way of how you speak over your body because the little kids, they really are listening and then they start comparing their bodies to your body. Right? And it's so natural even with moms and dads that, like, maybe somebody got dad's body type and maybe somebody got mom's body type and they're different body types. Right?

Lauren Alessi [00:31:27]:
That's true.

Angie Gonzalez [00:31:28]:
So like my mom, big butt, my dad, no butt. Like, if I compare myself to my dad, I'm like, like, what happens? You know? But if I compare myself to my mom and and those comparisons are gonna happen because we're with each other all the time. Mhmm. But, again, like, speaking positively over your body, it helps. And if you don't have can I tell a little story?

Lauren Alessi [00:31:48]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Angie Gonzalez [00:31:49]:
Of course. If you don't have a positive role model, let's say, in your parents, and hopefully parents can start accepting their bodies also because aging is a thing and our bodies do change. I cannot have the same body I had when I was 18 years old. It's impossible in many ways. But, I really struggled with my arms because growing up, I had a friend who used to come behind me and jiggle my arms. Oh. And it used to bother me, but I was like, why is it jiggly? Like and I used to dance a lot. So for me, it was like like, why are they jiggly? Like, I don't understand.

Angie Gonzalez [00:32:21]:
And one day in prayer, I asked God. I said, God, like, why did you make me with these jiggly arms? And He said, because when you hug people it's like the wings of an angel. And that reframe, and it's so crazy because I had always been affirmed for my hugs. And so that reframe for me that came from God. It didn't come from anywhere else. So take those parts of your body that you are struggling with and give them to God and say, like, why? Why is it like this? And for sure, you'll hear an answer as to why. You know, it's not gonna come from heaven like a huge booming voice, but but somehow there's confirmation whether it be in the voices of others or something. Because I really do believe the older I get, there's no mistake in how we're made.

Angie Gonzalez [00:33:03]:
You know? I think our we do have our bodies are temples. So as long as we like, I work out every day. I make sure that I'm eating a balanced diet. I still have cookies every now and then when I want them, you know. And as you get older, your diet seems to change a little bit because of what's happening, like, as you age. I take supplements every day. Like, I am really healthy. When I go to the doctor, there is nothing wrong with me.

Angie Gonzalez [00:33:29]:
You know? So for me to put myself into something, like, has been asked over and over again because I'm a bigger girl. And so I am like, I'll go to the gynecologist, and they're like, you should go on Ozempic. And and I challenge them, and I say, why? And they're like, well, so that you can lose weight. And I'm like, okay. I'm like, so what are the side effects? And as soon as I asked that question, they're like, well, maybe you shouldn't. Wow. Which is fascinating. Right? So what we were talking about when it comes to Ozempic is that more and more research is coming out on how detrimental it is to your mental health to be on Ozempic.

Angie Gonzalez [00:34:04]:
The Amen Institute who does brain scans, they actually came out with an article this past weekend on the dangers of Ozempic to mental health. And so what we were speaking about is that if you are diabetic, it is a 100%. That's what it's for. Right? Because you're gonna have to take it for the rest of your life. And that's one thing that people who get put on it don't realize is that you have to take Ozempic for the rest of your life if you decide to take it. Because the second you come off of it, your weight starts going up.

Lauren Alessi [00:34:31]:
And

Angie Gonzalez [00:34:31]:
then what I'm seeing in practice with the teenagers that are being put on Ozempic because now it's being put into children also is that when they get the opportunity to eat, they eat carbohydrates or cookies, things that are their food, and it's okay to have them. But if your diet is only that, you're missing all the nutrients that, like, in the eating disorder world, we like to say, your plate should look more like a rainbow than anything else because the more colors that are in your food, the more nutrients you're receiving.

Lauren Alessi [00:35:00]:
Mhmm.

Angie Gonzalez [00:35:00]:
And so you're really only having one thing. So kids are getting really sick and even being put in the hospital because they're nutrient deficient.

Lauren Alessi [00:35:08]:
Yeah.

Angie Gonzalez [00:35:09]:
If you get a gastric bypass, you go home with a list of things that you have to do to make sure you're getting the right nutrition into your body. And I really believe that they should do the same thing with Ozempic because part of my work with the kids is teaching them, like, you have to eat fruits and vegetables too, you know, because that's where the nutrients are. Yeah. So, yeah, Ozempic is is a really interesting thing. The conference that I went to for eating disorder said it's not going away. So it's something that as practitioners, we're just gonna continue to have to work with and see how it develops.

Lauren Alessi [00:35:40]:
Yeah. And and I think that would be a great solution because I I am hearing more and more teenagers are being put on Ozempic. Mhmm. And I actually watched a fascinating documentary about Ozempic. And Jillian Michaels, you know, she was on that show, The Biggest Loser. Mhmm. She made an amazing point. She's like, I'm not against it because there are there are some people who cannot lose weight, and they have tried to exercise.

Lauren Alessi [00:36:07]:
They have tried everything, and they just want they they wanna lose weight. Okay. But her issue was that why don't we go back to what's wrong with our food? Yes. We just keep as a country saying, okay. Here's another thing you could take. Here's another thing you can inject into your body. So her issue is more instead of cleaning up our food, we just keep injecting things and passing them out. And I'm like, that's a that's a fantastic point.

Lauren Alessi [00:36:32]:
So I love that point at first, but I do agree if we could help our kids and sort of educate them. I remember growing up with that, like the food pyramid Mhmm. And saying, hey. Healthy things like this. And you have to have protein. You have to have veggies. Like, that's really and then healthy carbs too, but Mhmm. Not Cheetos for lunch.

Lauren Alessi [00:36:49]:
Like, that's not all you can eat. You have to have healthy things, and I think that would be really beneficial for just teaching our kids a little bit about health because it's not it's like you said, I

Angie Gonzalez [00:37:00]:
don't think it's going away. And balanced health actually includes having Cheetos every once in a while. Like, that is, you know, or having a cookie every once in a while or having ice cream every once in a while. It's really just what are you doing. I think, doctor Ammons has us the 80 20 rule. Like, if you're doing what you have to do 80% of the time, the 20% is fine. And it's not what I have to do. Like, your palate changes.

Angie Gonzalez [00:37:23]:
Like, I love having salads. I love eating fruit. Like, it's fine. And I also really like cookies. You know? So it's fine. All all foods have their place in within our diet. But what you're saying about cleaning up our food supply, it's really interesting because you were also, in the beginning, talking about a holistic approach.

Lauren Alessi [00:37:42]:
Mhmm.

Angie Gonzalez [00:37:42]:
And that includes this. It includes, like, what are you eating and what are you feeding your kids? Yep. And so making sure that you know, one of the things that I always tell parents is do you eat together as a family? And that's one of the biggest things. So at Aiden, we always talk, can we can we go back to the table? Like, that's what we always say. Because not only do you wanna have a meal with people, right, that are your family. Yeah. But, also, it's a place where you are affirmed and you are confirmed for your identity. It's a place where your ideas, your values, your morals get shared.

Angie Gonzalez [00:38:20]:
And so many times we see that kids are eating in front of an iPad or in front of a TV. So what what are they learning? Right? And or, you know, oh, no. They have 700 activities, so we're always at home at different times. We never sit together to eat. And and really, we need to all go back to the table Back to the table. Because we need to sit with each other. And I mean, even mental health wise, like, the politics conversations that are coming up okay, and I saw that pastor Steve did a preaching on it too. Like, let's go back to the table where we can sit and discuss differences of opinion.

Lauren Alessi [00:38:54]:
Yeah.

Angie Gonzalez [00:38:54]:
And it just be that because I still love you. You're my family member, like he said, you know, but, like, it's the truth, you know. Like, let's let's go back to the table. Let's sit down and and share identities, share family values, share morals that we all have. And at the same time, you're teaching your kids about food and about the pace of life. Like, to me, that is like a Selah moment is being able to sit with your family or even your friends and share a meal. You know?

Lauren Alessi [00:39:21]:
Absolutely. Absolutely. I love that. And that's something we're huge about. It's just family dinner. Mhmm.

Angie Gonzalez [00:39:26]:
Even if you could

Lauren Alessi [00:39:27]:
fit it in once, twice a week Yes. Family dinner is super important. Yeah. So I wanna close this in, because this has been an I've learned so much. I'm like, oh my gosh. I love this. But what is a happy balance? So you did mention the 80 20, but, like, let's say, for me, I'm like, me, personally, I am trying to work on gaining a little bit of muscle. But now I'm like, wait.

Lauren Alessi [00:39:52]:
But what's too much? Right? Or, like, let's say somebody's like, I am a bigger girl, but I wanna focus on losing weight, but I don't wanna lose too much weight. So how depending on our walks of life and depending on our, like, our body types, how we're we created to be, how do we stay in a mental state of this is how I was created, this is my goal, but how do I keep a healthy balance, and how do I not go too far? So we all have a

Angie Gonzalez [00:40:18]:
little bit of everything in us is what I would say. So people are like, you're so narcissistic. Like, no. I have narcissistic triggers. Maybe okay. Or you're so bipolar. Right? That's another one that gets thrown out. Like, no.

Angie Gonzalez [00:40:28]:
But my hormones sometimes might make me feel bipolar. Yeah. True. So I would say the same thing. Like, if it goes off off the off the measure, off the rocker, I would say, then you're really looking at a disorder. Right? But if not, you have to find your flow. And so if working out 3 times a week and lifting weights is working for you, that's great as long as it doesn't become something like I have to do it. And if I don't do it, then something bad is going to happen because that's the lie.

Angie Gonzalez [00:41:00]:
Right? Like, the lie is if I don't do it, then something's gonna happen. Like, no. You can skip a leg day, and you're still gonna have legs.

Lauren Alessi [00:41:06]:
Like Yeah.

Angie Gonzalez [00:41:07]:
It's a thing. You know? And it's the same thing with food. It's like, oh, my gosh. I had a crumble cookie. This is, like, the new thing. This is the crumble cookie. Right?

Lauren Alessi [00:41:15]:
That's true.

Angie Gonzalez [00:41:16]:
I had a crumble cookie. That's it. I feel so fat. Right? Like, no. A cookie is not gonna do that to you. Right? Now if you have 3 cookies every day, it's definitely gonna have an effect on your body. Right? So I would say keep it in balance. And then one thing that even with mental health, and I'm sure you see, is, like, TikTok is not your dietitian and neither and it's not and TikTok is not your therapist.

Angie Gonzalez [00:41:40]:
Yeah. Yeah. And and so I would say go to a nutritionist and ask. You know? Like, what should I be eating? How should I be eating? Get some orientation and go from there. You know? Because it's just it's not. I've I have a big history of, of dieting when I was younger, and I can tell you it doesn't work. Like, first firsthand, I can tell you it doesn't work. And even as an adult, I went to an endocrinologist that told me that there's this one diet that's the only one that's gonna work that you need to do because it's the only thing that's gonna help you lose weight.

Angie Gonzalez [00:42:13]:
And I did it, and I lost weight in the beginning and then it stopped. Mhmm. So I understand the struggle of wanting to be in a smaller body. And the reason why for me it was important to be in a smaller body is because I have back surgery.

Lauren Alessi [00:42:26]:
Mhmm.

Angie Gonzalez [00:42:26]:
So my weight can't go to a certain place because when it does, then it hurts my back. So point being, there's nothing wrong with wanting that goal, but make sure that it is guided by somebody who has the knowledge that they went to school for it and they know what they're doing. And the bottom line is this. People know when they're binging. People know when they're eating what's good for their body and when it's not. So to me, the underlying question is why is the behavior happening if you already know it? Right? I know how to eat healthy and I know what happens when I don't and when I do. And I know what I can pick and what I can choose that makes my body feel better. I also know my hunger cues, like when I'm hungry and not starving because you eat when you're starving, you're going to overeat every time.

Lauren Alessi [00:43:11]:
Yeah.

Angie Gonzalez [00:43:11]:
But if you start eating when you're like just, I'm hungry, and you stop when you're full, like, you're going to get to a balance. But it's what's happening in those times that you're not doing that, and that's more of an emotional root than anything.

Lauren Alessi [00:43:27]:
Angie, thank you so much. Thank you for making this information what could be intimidating and a lot. Just very simple. And and you said it if you know somebody or if you yourself are struggling with whether it's not eating at all or whether it's binge eating or maybe just overexertion of exercise, She has given you perfect resources to check out in in websites, and talk to a nutritionist. Look up local, local nutritionist near me. It's so important that we don't take our advice from TikTok, from social media, but we look up people who have degrees, who are experienced, and who are doing this every day with other people. So thank you so much for making this not only practical and applicable, but also spiritual and viewing people as whole bodies with other issues going on. I so appreciate it.

Lauren Alessi [00:44:22]:
And if you're listening, I hope that you enjoyed this episode of the family business podcast with the Alessis. We talked on a lot today, but I hope that you enjoyed it and I hope you received from it. Until next time, I'm Lauren Alessi with my co host miss Angie Gonzalez. Thank you. And we will see you soon. Bye bye.

Chris Alessi [00:44:41]:
You've just enjoyed another episode of the family business podcast with the Alessis, and we can't thank you enough for being a part of our podience today. Now that you've learned more about us, here's how you can join in in the family business. First, make sure you're following our podcast right now and download this episode so you can hear it at any time. 2nd, think of someone you know that might need or enjoy this episode and share it with them. You'll be helping them and helping us to spread the word about the family business. 3rd, go to a lessefamilybusiness.com and tap the ask the Alesses button. This is really cool. You could use it to record a voice mail comment or question, and we can add your voice to our conversations.

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