Exposing the Green Room Effect: Why We Say NO to Celebrity Church Culture | S6 E7

Mary Alessi [00:00:00]:

And one of the saddest things I think it's an indictment against staff, against praise team members, against anybody who feels like in between services during the message, they have a place to go to and just chill. When no one else that's volunteering in the ministry has that luxury. Nobody. There's no other ministry that has that luxury.

Steve Alessi [00:00:31]:

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the family business with the Alessis where family is Everybody's business. I'm here today with my wife, Mary, and the 2 of us are gonna be tackling a great subject. Now I'm gonna title it, alright, because I'm being inspired by Mary's jacket.

Mary Alessi [00:00:52]:

Oh, boy.

Steve Alessi [00:00:52]:

Oh, yes. The green room effect. Let's talk about the green room. And, Mary, this is your subject. Okay? You wanna hit this because you saw something, a good post, and quite frankly, we should hit it because I can't say you and I because we are in the family business in the sense we're all in ministry. Mhmm. Our family works together. We hang out in the my office, which is the green room in a sense.

Steve Alessi [00:01:19]:

We don't teach this on a regular basis, but it's a conversation that we have and we correct on the fly. We've had to deal with it at one point, but then we correct it on the fly in the moment. Yes. So it doesn't become an issue Right. That now you happen to read a certain post on that now is an issue. So why don't you give us some intro to this?

Mary Alessi [00:01:43]:

So there was some pretty pretty good controversy this week on this particular subject on social media, somebody that I follow called race to stay, and she's been a a worship leader for 20 plus years. I don't know her personally, but I to stay means to stay means her whole page in ministry really appeals to those who have stayed in ministries

Steve Alessi [00:02:05]:

Okay. Let me get this right. I said race, but it's raised.

Mary Alessi [00:02:08]:

Raised.

Steve Alessi [00:02:09]:

R a I s e d. Raised.

Mary Alessi [00:02:11]:

To say that your whole makeup, your calling is to stay in a local church with that same local pastor, family in ministry for the long haul where we do have a culture, we've had it for years, where people in ministry or church folks would go from church to church.

Steve Alessi [00:02:28]:

Like it's another gig. Like, it's just another job.

Mary Alessi [00:02:31]:

Or even even church people

Steve Alessi [00:02:32]:

Right.

Mary Alessi [00:02:33]:

That church shop, and every 3 years, they're moving on to another church.

Steve Alessi [00:02:36]:

Right. Right.

Mary Alessi [00:02:36]:

So her ministry is raised to stay.

Steve Alessi [00:02:40]:

Somebody taught her.

Mary Alessi [00:02:42]:

Yeah. So she teaches this.

Steve Alessi [00:02:44]:

Put your seed in the ground. Like that seed turn into a root, a fruit go planted. Deep Yes. And then you're gonna pro you're going to be fruitful.

Mary Alessi [00:02:53]:

You'll you're gonna flourish.

Steve Alessi [00:02:55]:

Flourish.

Mary Alessi [00:02:55]:

So for the over the long haul, like what we teach at our church, and we really believe the long term family

Steve Alessi [00:03:01]:

Right.

Mary Alessi [00:03:01]:

Relationships. So she posted this week, which is something that you would think everyone would go amen sister. And it was about the green room and she explained what a green room was, that is the ready room. It's the room where there's couches and sofas and it's beautiful. And in between services, the comment she made was that a lot of worship teams in between services will go in there and just lounge and thereby reinforce a celebrity culture within the church. Mhmm. And she was calling it out from from teaching, from a teaching perspective

Steve Alessi [00:03:37]:

Right.

Mary Alessi [00:03:38]:

That the kids ministry folks are over there just as early

Steve Alessi [00:03:42]:

Yep.

Mary Alessi [00:03:43]:

Doing junk work, hard work. Okay. Not junk work. That's the word wrong word to use. But they're doing backbreaking work, disinfecting toys, and she was going into the details of every team in the church. Every single team works hard. No other ministry has a ready room or a green room that they can go rest in between services. Some we've know this from experience.

Mary Alessi [00:04:06]:

We know that we've had in the past, several years ago, when we would hire musicians and singers to come in for a short period of time we did that, there was a mentality of I don't even need to sit during the message. And they'd go and sit in that room. Like, they were hired to either do what they did and leave, but they weren't called out and they weren't there to develop any kind of a relationship with the church folks.

Steve Alessi [00:04:31]:

Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:04:31]:

And so, we knit that in the bud on the spot Right. When we would see that. And sometimes it would cause us not to hire certain people because we could see that that was something that they would be predisposed to. They were not about the church. They were about what was in it for them. Yep. And so our culture has been very, very strong about that over the years. So when she posted that, I'm like, yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:04:54]:

Hey, man, sister. I agree. But the comment she got from people, some people misread it. They did not read it right. And some people, it hit an earth. Yeah. So she doubled down, and I liked the comments and I liked what she had to say so much. And I thought, well, this kind of needs some reinforcement and some support.

Mary Alessi [00:05:12]:

Yeah. And I wanted us to talk about it here in the podcast today ourselves.

Steve Alessi [00:05:15]:

Yep. I like that, ma'am. And I like this subject matter because if you know me or know us and the culture of our church, For one thing, I just don't buy into the whole green room No. Effect. I I just I've got my office. I've we've got, office suites. I call mine more or less at the Dadeland campus. It's a ministry suite where we show up, we are there to get in a prayer time.

Steve Alessi [00:05:47]:

Yeah. We're there to look over the agenda and make sure we're all on point. Were there to get a little drink, a little refreshment in between services if we're doing double duty, but we don't have this green room effect. No. I I work very hard with all of our staff to make sure that we're out there connecting with the people of our Church. Right. So it was a that that's just my my mindset. It was something I've always been against.

Steve Alessi [00:06:18]:

We just don't step into that environment. Now as a guest, when we have guests, it's different. Right Because we're in the back connecting with our guests, I'm all about relationship, and I wanna make sure anybody that comes to our church musically, Speaking, whatever it is, it's all filtered through a relationship that I've already had with them Mhmm. Not a new relationship. I'm kinda like, I stopped hiring for new relationships. We have no room for anymore. Tongue in cheek, JK, gotta say that. People get all offended about it.

Steve Alessi [00:06:53]:

But We make sure, okay, when we're in the backroom in between services or after a service before. Now it's about connecting with the guests. But on a regular basis, we work very hard in our business To make sure we do not have a superstar celebrity status thing going on even though we're leaders and we're on the stage. Know. And we have to present, and some say, well, you're entertainers. No. But we do have some measure of, leadership from that platform. We try our best to eliminate any kind of celebrity.

Steve Alessi [00:07:36]:

They're bigger. They're better Then the people that are coming into their church.

Mary Alessi [00:07:40]:

So you have always been a pastor's pastor. You will stand by the door, shake hands as much as you can. When we now have 2 campuses, is physically exhausting, so you do have to conserve energy especially if you're gonna speak several times on a Sunday.

Steve Alessi [00:07:54]:

Mhmm.

Mary Alessi [00:07:55]:

But people in our church know. The people that come here know you and I are very touchable. We are available, and we want our staff to follow suit. And one of the saddest things, I think, it's an indictment against staff, against praise team members, against anybody who feels like in between services during the message, they have a place to go to and just chill. When no one else that's volunteering in the ministry has that luxury. Nobody. There's no other ministry that has that luxury. You have really been for as long as we pastored and we pastored for 25 plus years, that has been a bone of contention.

Mary Alessi [00:08:32]:

If people wanna see you mad, if they wanna see their pastor hot, step over that line. Brings some celebrity mentality into this church. And you might feel like, oh, I'm just holding people speak to the fire and this is my value. But it we know. Those around you know, that's a hot button for you. Because in the in a spiritual sense, it really is a lack of consideration for the body of Christ. And if anybody sits with you long enough to get the speech, what they're gonna hear you say is, we serve the bride of Christ. This is how you treat the bride.

Steve Alessi [00:09:06]:

Yeah. That you can get up on the platform Good.

Mary Alessi [00:09:06]:

And form

Steve Alessi [00:09:08]:

Good.

Mary Alessi [00:09:08]:

And entertain her and sing for her

Steve Alessi [00:09:10]:

Right.

Mary Alessi [00:09:11]:

And then you have no regard for her. You're not one of her. You just are are you're you're, what, the the jesters, the court jesters?

Steve Alessi [00:09:20]:

Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:09:20]:

You're the court musicians? That's not what we are. We are also sheep. And I know I know the wrong people it's like when we did the when we did the podcast on general parenting or disciplining your kids, the parents that are doing it right are the ones who sometimes get their feelings hurt and lash out. We're not talking to the ones who were doing it right. So don't get your feelings hurt. If you're doing it right, turn this podcast off and send it to somebody who's not. But don't get offended by it. And I think that's what happened on her post.

Mary Alessi [00:09:50]:

Some of the wrong people reacted. Or or some of the people who'd never been challenged by their pastor and called out were offended because it's been something they've been allowed to do and it kind of feeds that sense of significance. I'm on the platform. I'm singing. I'm playing an instrument. I have a right to sit in the screen room during the week during the during the service. And it does kind of feed your ego. Listen.

Mary Alessi [00:10:20]:

We're only talking from our own personal experience. I could tell you as the pastor's wife, it's a lot of fun. Because I've been on the platform from however long, singing, leading worship, working with the team, to be able to exhale after the set and just be in the back laughing and talking.

Steve Alessi [00:10:37]:

Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:10:37]:

K? And I've had to learn in my youth how inappropriate that is. It's wrong. I didn't mean to be inappropriate. I wasn't meaning to be inconsiderate. But I had to have leaders teach me, you don't do that. And here's why. The why is very important. You are still just like everybody else in the church.

Mary Alessi [00:10:58]:

If everybody else gets up, puts their pants on, gets to church, sits there with their kids next door, thought to come to church so they can get a word from God, why does anyone on the platform think they're exempt from that?

Steve Alessi [00:11:10]:

Yeah. And let me give this little caveat to that. To the pastor that gets up and prepares himself all week for a word Yes. To share to the congregation, For any member of the staff to think they can be exempt from that environment to hear the word

Mary Alessi [00:11:28]:

Right.

Steve Alessi [00:11:28]:

By sitting in the back. Writes In a green room, ready room, whatever you wanna call it. They're they're doing their pastor a disservice. They're doing themselves a disservice. They're not eating the same diet that the rest of the congregation is eating when it comes to the presentation of the word. So it's it's really disrespectful. It's disrespectful to yourself, disrespectful to the pastor, and I don't believe any pastor really wants his team sitting in the back. When you've got volunteers I've got volunteers.

Steve Alessi [00:11:58]:

We've got volunteers in our church. K? Mhmm. They carry on they run businesses maybe. CEOs. They run businesses multimillions of dollars Yes. They do. Every month. And yet those people come, and when they serve, they sit in for service.

Steve Alessi [00:12:16]:

2 preachings

Mary Alessi [00:12:17]:

Yeah.

Steve Alessi [00:12:18]:

Because we got double services here.

Mary Alessi [00:12:20]:

That's right.

Steve Alessi [00:12:20]:

They do it back to back, and then you got some staff says, well, I already got the 1st sermon. I don't need to stay in in there for the next. Well, that's troublesome because you've got volunteers that are doing it and what exempts you from doing it. Also, who knows That sees you sitting in the back room or walking in the back hall. Who knows that you were already there for 1 service? Right. You're you're setting a bad precedent. Absolutely. All they know is they see you outside of that service environment where somebody is making that presentation.

Steve Alessi [00:12:53]:

They don't know that you were already there earlier.

Mary Alessi [00:12:55]:

Right.

Steve Alessi [00:12:56]:

But they don't know that you are gonna stay for the second one, whatever that may be. So it's like you've gotta set a certain culture

Mary Alessi [00:13:03]:

Yes.

Steve Alessi [00:13:04]:

In your church, I believe it's the culture of honor. It is. You honor God because you and when you honor god, you wanna be your best. So your behavior and your attitude is always being checked, and you you do that yourself. You don't need somebody else to always do that. If not, You don't check yourself. You'll wreck yourself, and then somebody else has gotta come alongside and try to mess you up, and you don't want that. You show an honor culture of honor to the leadership that's in your life.

Mary Alessi [00:13:30]:

That's right.

Steve Alessi [00:13:31]:

Hey. I'm going to be out there to support them.

Mary Alessi [00:13:34]:

That's right.

Steve Alessi [00:13:34]:

You know? People are supporting you when you're up on that platform. When you're off the platform, you need to be supporting the next person that's on that platform. You're also showing Honor to your teammates because everybody is in that together.

Mary Alessi [00:13:48]:

That's

Steve Alessi [00:13:48]:

right. Everybody's tired. Every area of the ministry is putting in the extra time, And you're showing honor to those who are following you.

Mary Alessi [00:13:58]:

Right.

Steve Alessi [00:13:59]:

You're out there connecting with them.

Mary Alessi [00:14:06]:

Hi everybody. It is Mary Alessi and I am popping in here today just to let you know, Steve's book 42 is out. It's available on Amazon. You can click the link in the description and find everything you need to know about it. But I promise you, if you get this book, you will want to share it with everyone you know that might be going through a difficult time. They got knocked down and they're having a hard time getting back up. So make sure you get it 42. It's available today.

Mary Alessi [00:14:34]:

And, hey, do us a favor. Leave us a review when you read that book. It's a quick read, you're gonna get through it very quickly because it is so well written, and you're gonna love all the stories that are in there. So make sure you get it. 42, Steve Alessi. Thanks, guys. The people that just sat while you sang and led worship and they received from you and they were blessed by you, then you step off. People don't realize worship leaders don't realize in the team that that moment of I've come off the platform and these people have let me lead them into a very vulnerable moment with the lord.

Mary Alessi [00:15:13]:

Now I walk off the platform, if I sit down with any level of dishonor disrespect for the establishment of church, it is dishonor to that young woman who sat there while I was leading worship for her and struggled to get to church and is sitting there hungry to hear a word, needing to hear from God, and I'm over here squandering it.

Steve Alessi [00:15:37]:

Right.

Mary Alessi [00:15:38]:

It's wrong.

Steve Alessi [00:15:39]:

It is.

Mary Alessi [00:15:39]:

It brings dishonor to God and it brings dishonor to her, to the body of Christ.

Steve Alessi [00:15:43]:

We're using a lot of words today that are very church focused. Everything we're talking about, worship leaders, somebody that may not be familiar with the church environment. Honor Mhmm. Yeah. They're they're not picking up on Right. Necessarily what all those mean, but that's the kinda like the tools of our trade. This is where we're at.

Mary Alessi [00:15:59]:

We're Right.

Steve Alessi [00:15:59]:

We're talking about Things that happen in our work world, which is the church. So so give give us a little grace for using Certain terms that you may not be comfortable with. But I want you to go back to something because I come at this from a different perspective than you do In the sense that, okay. I'm a pastor. To me, it's very black and white. You're a worship leader in the area of music Where there really is no black and white in a certain environment because you're going with the flow. You're going in the moment. You're you're feeling something.

Steve Alessi [00:16:33]:

You're hearing something, and you're flowing with it. So, therefore, there's not always these boundaries. You're you okay. You may have 20 minutes to sing A music set. But when something is really moving, you're gonna go 22 or 25 or 30. Yeah. So whereas for the speaker, in in from my perspective, Here's what I got. I got 30 minutes.

Steve Alessi [00:16:54]:

I gotta get this done. 2 minutes from my intro. So here, I got 32 minutes. Okay? And I try my best to stay within those bounds, But sometimes it changes. So I come at it from black and white. You come at it from more of a let's let's flow with this. We sat in a conference one time with all these people that were more your focus From the music's perspective, and I came at it from a very black and white perspective. And, I would come across by making a statement like We're talking today that's very harsh in your face, no green room and so on.

Steve Alessi [00:17:30]:

And it was almost like, oh my gosh. You're just you're not in the flow with us. But yet, there was a a a real, a a worship leader in that room That was inspired by something that I said that they didn't receive before. And even to this day, they'll make a statement Referring back to that, environment in that session where they said, you know what? I learned something from a pastor's perspective

Mary Alessi [00:18:03]:

Right.

Steve Alessi [00:18:04]:

That I didn't have as a worship leader's perspective, which then has helped me go on and be more Aware of my audience because I'm not just thinking about it from my perspective.

Mary Alessi [00:18:14]:

Exactly.

Steve Alessi [00:18:15]:

Lot of words to simply say to the person listening today. The green room? Just don't look at it from your perspective. No. There's so many other people that are dealing with their challenges when they go to Serve at church or in that environment. There's other people that you gotta take in consideration. So it's we don't call it a green room. No. We we call it a ministry suite.

Steve Alessi [00:18:40]:

It's where we're gathered. We're getting ready. We called it a ready room for a while. We had staff in the back. Remember we used to provide Food for our staff.

Mary Alessi [00:18:48]:

Mhmm. Mhmm.

Steve Alessi [00:18:49]:

We had to quit doing that.

Mary Alessi [00:18:51]:

That's right. And now everybody goes to the coffee bar to get food.

Steve Alessi [00:18:54]:

Because the staff Was being isolated from the very people we were here

Mary Alessi [00:18:58]:

Right.

Steve Alessi [00:18:59]:

To serve.

Mary Alessi [00:18:59]:

That's right.

Steve Alessi [00:19:00]:

And we can we can connect all week long in our office. We can have Pastries all week long, Monday through Thursday as our offices are open. But on Sunday, it's go time.

Mary Alessi [00:19:10]:

And what we thought was a a good idea. The staff's been here all day. Let's feed them in between, turned out to shoot us in the foot. And I'll never forget one time. This is years ago back when we used to do that, and a lady in the lobby said to me, you know, I love this church, but I I just I'm not making any friends. I'm not really connecting. And I thought how is that possible? Well then I open up, you know, our green room door and all of our fun people, all of ours everybody is in there in between services. I'm like, that's because all those that are hired to connect, it was on me.

Mary Alessi [00:19:44]:

It was on us. We're feeding them in this room. They're gonna do what they're expected to do, come in here and eat. But then it was isolating them from the entire body.

Steve Alessi [00:19:54]:

That's our business.

Mary Alessi [00:19:55]:

And that's what what we're there for. So now what's beautiful is because we've set this culture and we've taught this. It's so important. It's changed it really has changed the whole energy and spirit of our church. Yeah. Because there's when everybody's available, it's like I'm right on side that door if you need me or I'm in the lobby walking through on Sunday morning. If you need me, I'm there. It is so amazing how fewer and fewer and fewer people make demands of me.

Mary Alessi [00:20:24]:

And on I I this is another hot button issue. We're not gonna go there. But a lot of times, green rooms are established from pastors who like green rooms. And we can blame praise teams all we want, but it can also come from the top down. Egos. There I said it. But pastors have done that too, and they do that a lot, and they walk in like it's a parade for

Steve Alessi [00:20:45]:

them tough, man.

Mary Alessi [00:20:46]:

And I I you know, we are pastors, and we get it. We understand. There are some Sundays where, you're bringing a word, you and right before service, your office is filled. We're we're going through the service, and there's a lot of noise and you need about 10 minutes to just really get your thoughts together, get your spirit right before you walk out.

Steve Alessi [00:21:07]:

Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:21:07]:

And if people think and they interpret that as, oh, pastor's coming late to the service, they don't understand the weight that's on the speaker and on the pastor for that day. So there's a balance between that and our pastor's a celebrity. I've heard from pastors, you're not they're you're told you can't look them in the eye. You you you don't ever speak to them and don't there's a security guard standing at their door.

Steve Alessi [00:21:30]:

Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:21:30]:

Right? So it can be a culture at a church where no matter what you do, you're not gonna fight it because it's from the hit from the top down.

Steve Alessi [00:21:38]:

Right.

Mary Alessi [00:21:38]:

But there are a lot of healthy churches, healthy pastors that had green rooms, that are setting up the ministry to fail with their I mean, I talk about it all the time. I hear it all the time Yeah. From worship leaders that come and worship leaders that leave because they have more of a celebrity mindset.

Steve Alessi [00:21:54]:

Yeah. I don't I just don't know that if that should apply in the church world. Right, in entertainment. You you have it in all of that. I I can understand it. And, you know, Mary, I I also can understand When you've got 1,000 upon 1,000 that are going through your doors on a Sunday in that environment, you've got multiple services. I also understand there's a there's a place for that ready room where you do gotta calm your your Absolutely. Thoughts and everything to get ready for the next.

Steve Alessi [00:22:27]:

You do need to get a little Coffee or little something to drink. Who knows? Put some in your breath. You gotta get all that taken care of. I I understand there's a time and place for it.

Mary Alessi [00:22:37]:

Yeah.

Steve Alessi [00:22:37]:

But the Culture

Mary Alessi [00:22:39]:

That's right.

Steve Alessi [00:22:40]:

Should be that I'm out connecting with as many people as I can. Yeah. I'm just not over here as a celebrity. I'm not in the backroom because I am more important than the little people that are coming into my church. We just can't have that, and then expect to really affect change in people's lives. No. No. It's it's not a show for us.

Mary Alessi [00:23:03]:

No. And we got

Steve Alessi [00:23:03]:

a couple Thousand people that we do this with on a regular basis that are coming through on a monthly basis, and it's just to me some of the, Realistically, it's some of the wonderful moments that I have that I can walk out there, say hi to people. I like surprising people.

Mary Alessi [00:23:21]:

Right.

Steve Alessi [00:23:22]:

I like shaking the hands of a person that I don't know only to learn later. It was their 1st time when they walked through the church doors, and I The guy on the platform, I didn't need a title when I introduced myself, Steve Alessi. Glad you're here. They had no idea that I was the pastor. Yeah. I like that. So that person knows, wait a minute. There's there's a guy that I can relate to.

Mary Alessi [00:23:45]:

Yes.

Steve Alessi [00:23:45]:

Yeah. I have a job. I got a platform. I got a position. I birthed this thing along with you 20 some odd years ago. We're we're killing it. We're here from the very beginning. I like all of that, But I'm gonna do my best to make sure all of us are embracing what is our culture of this church.

Steve Alessi [00:24:04]:

Our environment, our business, our culture is Relationship.

Mary Alessi [00:24:08]:

Right.

Steve Alessi [00:24:08]:

We're gonna have a relationship with God. We're gonna have relationship with each other and people that are outside of our church walls.

Mary Alessi [00:24:14]:

That's right.

Steve Alessi [00:24:14]:

We're gonna go to an event tonight, and and we're not crazy about having to do it because it's tough on the schedule. But it's in the event. It's at the city. Our mayor's going to be making this, State of the Union address for Doral. We're gonna be there because we're gonna be out in our community.

Mary Alessi [00:24:31]:

That's right.

Steve Alessi [00:24:31]:

And we're not gonna be separated from our community. We're we're not up in some high tower. I have something spiritually, you know, that I believe that, You know, and the Bible talks about the gates of hell shall not prevail against you. Hey. If the gates of hell does not gates of hell does not know about our church Right. We're not doing our job.

Mary Alessi [00:24:50]:

That's right.

Steve Alessi [00:24:50]:

We gotta be out there where the gates of hell are, meaning outside of the walls of our church where it's not perfect, and we're just another member of our society and community. We're shaking hands with people. We're getting to know people. We're building relationship, building bridges, not walls. Were not more superior than others. We're right there with them to help them get through life and do life the right way. But in our environment, We just will not allow that celebrity stabbing status

Mary Alessi [00:25:19]:

Right.

Steve Alessi [00:25:20]:

To To foster. Right. We're gonna do our best to be real and authentic and transparent people.

Mary Alessi [00:25:27]:

Yes.

Steve Alessi [00:25:27]:

So that flies in the face Of this whole backroom, green room, effect that some people will get involved.

Mary Alessi [00:25:35]:

Well, you know, I was gonna bring this part up. You're talking about going tonight to where the mayor's gonna have the state of the union address. We just went to a prayer gathering that, she also hosted for Israel. And we went. And what was so beautiful was because you have been out in the community since day 1 and you showed up to places that nobody else showed up to, that no one even thought was important for the community. When you did walk up, there are all these police officers that are there protecting the facility in protecting her. All of them knew you, shook your hand. Hey, pastor.

Mary Alessi [00:26:09]:

Hey, pastor. Hey, pastor. And that was I mean, they're unbelievers.

Steve Alessi [00:26:13]:

These are

Mary Alessi [00:26:13]:

people that go to our church.

Steve Alessi [00:26:14]:

Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:26:14]:

That was such a beautiful showing of what real pastoring is. You're not just pastoring your church people, it's the community as well. And you come out of your office. You come out of your green room to be able to be touchable. That's so important.

Steve Alessi [00:26:28]:

Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:26:28]:

But if you didn't do that, you would have missed out on those relationships. That's the point. Yeah. You the the the community has not necessarily giving you more of a title and acknowledgement. That's not what you're doing it for. You're there to pastor people that are going to be in need at some point of a good pastor. So you if the door opens, as your schedule allows, you walk through it. The same goes for back to when we're talking about the green room and praise teams being in green rooms and coming off of that whole celebrity thing.

Mary Alessi [00:27:04]:

You wouldn't miss out. You would have missed out on a lot of those relationships that you have formed by going to those those places where it's been awkward for you, but you've developed it. Here's what people are missing out on praise teams, musicians, when they just go to the green room. They are missing out on an opportunity to form relationships that could encourage them when they need it the most. And if you hide out in a green room and your heart you're you might not even be thinking you're a celebrity, which I think is what offends a lot of people when you just make that blanket statement, the green room. If you go in the green room, you're just a person looking for celebrity status. That's not always true. So we have to make sure that we're careful in that accusation because that isn't always the heart of people.

Mary Alessi [00:27:50]:

That wasn't my heart. I was just in there because, man, I just sang and I just wanted to be in there. It was restful because I had to do it again in, you know, 30 minutes, 45 minutes. But what I didn't understand was, and I was taught by a good pastor, what that could potentially lead to. But also what I am for real missing out on. And that is an opportunity to be in that lobby shaking hands or to just be around forming relationships and having someone walk up to me and say, your worship blessed me so much today. When you started singing that verse, I was on the verge. I was thinking suicidal thoughts today.

Mary Alessi [00:28:29]:

I was battling the enemy in such a great strong way. My teenage son fought me to come to church, but I got here. And when you started singing that verse, I just felt that weight lift. If you're in a green room, you're not gonna hear none of that. You're gonna miss out on the affirmation Yep. That you just might need and the encouragement that just might you need because nobody's taught you better.

Steve Alessi [00:28:55]:

Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:28:55]:

Nobody's told you, don't stay in that room although it's available to you. Don't do it. Go out. Be amongst the sheep. So that you could be encouraged and you could be an encouragement to someone else. And that's, like, that's the whole point. I think when we get offended, we we're either it's hitting a nerve that we need to investigate or we're not listening with the right ears. And we some people just have not been instructed, Steve

Steve Alessi [00:29:25]:

Thank god.

Mary Alessi [00:29:26]:

They have not been pastored. And a lot of times, worship team members, they can be one of the ones that like our islands, they're the worship leader, the worship pastor's supposed to do that. And if he doesn't know, then he's not gonna teach his team.

Steve Alessi [00:29:40]:

Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:29:41]:

But if you are secluding yourself and you are only around your own team members, it's just not the healthiest place for you.

Steve Alessi [00:29:49]:

Yep.

Mary Alessi [00:29:50]:

And it doesn't set the right culture that you will benefit from if you come out from among them, come out of that green room. And that way, nobody can ever falsely judge you for having a celebrity mentality

Steve Alessi [00:30:02]:

Mhmm.

Mary Alessi [00:30:03]:

Because you're not hiding out in some room.

Steve Alessi [00:30:05]:

Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:30:06]:

And I think that's the bigger picture.

Steve Alessi [00:30:08]:

Well, I appreciate you bringing up that you get more out of it when you start connecting just relationally with the people that are Yes. Not on the form or even in our community. You know, Mary, those motor men that those police motor men that have a shaking hands on? Do you know 4 of those police motormen on their motorbikes for the city? They were the ones Free of charge when they heard my dad had passed Yep. Said we're gonna be there to lead your father's casket To its final resting place.

Mary Alessi [00:30:42]:

Right.

Steve Alessi [00:30:43]:

They did that for me Right. In honor of my father because of that relationship that we have built because all I do is step out of my office.

Mary Alessi [00:30:54]:

Yeah.

Steve Alessi [00:30:54]:

And when they're serving our church for security purposes or I'm out there going to these events. I'm just walking over being a normal guy.

Mary Alessi [00:31:06]:

That's it.

Steve Alessi [00:31:06]:

They know who I am. He's a pastor in this community. I was the 1st pastor in this city of Doral. K? Yeah. They know this guy is one of us and just simply shaking their hands, how you doing, what's going on

Mary Alessi [00:31:21]:

That's it.

Steve Alessi [00:31:21]:

That builds that relationship.

Mary Alessi [00:31:23]:

That really gives nothing back to you.

Steve Alessi [00:31:25]:

Doesn't? Nothing. In the moment, it doesn't.

Mary Alessi [00:31:28]:

No. Not in the moment. Not in the moment.

Steve Alessi [00:31:30]:

But those guys were the ones that were

Mary Alessi [00:31:31]:

out there

Steve Alessi [00:31:32]:

Helping me take my dad to his final resting place.

Mary Alessi [00:31:34]:

And who would have ever thought? Crazy. That's right.

Steve Alessi [00:31:37]:

So there's a blessing to, Stepping out of that backroom environment just helps keep our heart in tune. It's a part in the Bible. It says, know those who labor among you. Yes You you can't even know the people that's laboring to make your service what it is if all you're doing is isolating yourself in the back.

Mary Alessi [00:31:59]:

That's right.

Steve Alessi [00:32:00]:

There's so many things, don't the in the Bible that says things like, you know, don't think too much of yourself Right. Too highly of yourself. Come out from that room. Right. It it humbles you a little.

Mary Alessi [00:32:11]:

Yes. It does.

Steve Alessi [00:32:11]:

But it lets you know why you're here. The people are the reason you are here. That's it. Somebody said, well, the lord gave me that sermon or the lord gave me that song. It's for god. No. He gave it to you for people. Yeah.

Steve Alessi [00:32:23]:

Use the gift. Use the talent. Use the information to be a blessing to people, but then go out and bless those people with

Mary Alessi [00:32:31]:

your life. That's right.

Steve Alessi [00:32:33]:

Well, I think, we're good here.

Mary Alessi [00:32:36]:

I think we said it all.

Steve Alessi [00:32:38]:

I think we're good here. And by the way, this is something we pour into our kids.

Mary Alessi [00:32:41]:

Yep.

Steve Alessi [00:32:41]:

And I've said our team. Yes. Hey. Get those grandkids out in the lobby. Don't keep them in the back office.

Mary Alessi [00:32:46]:

Absolutely.

Steve Alessi [00:32:47]:

Put them in the back, children's ministry area. That's where they belong. Don't keep them in the papa's office, Mia's office.

Mary Alessi [00:32:53]:

We're like everybody else.

Steve Alessi [00:32:54]:

Like everybody else because we really are in the long haul. So that's Our take on the green room effect here at the family business with the Alessis. Thanks for joining us. And if you loved it, like it, Share it for others. If you didn't like it, you didn't love it, like it, and share it with others anyway. Thanks for joining us.

Chris Alessi [00:33:18]:

You've just enjoyed another episode of the family business podcast with the Alessis, and we can't thank you enough for being a part of our audience today. Now that you've learned more about us, here's how you can join in in the family business. 1st, make sure you're following our podcast right now, and download this episode so you can hear it Anytime. 2nd, think of someone you know that might need or enjoy this episode and share it with them. You'll be helping them and helping us to spread the word about the family business. 3rd, go to Alessi family business .com and tap the ask the Alessis button. This is really cool. You could use it to record a voice mail comment or question, and we can Add your voice to our conversations.

Chris Alessi [00:33:59]:

Finally, while you're on our page, tap the reviews tab, and you'll see a link to leave a review on Apple Podcasts. We love reading your reviews, and we might even share them on the show. Thanks again for joining us, And we'll see you next time at the Family Business with the Alessis because family is everybody's business.