From Heart Attack to Hope: Lessons from a Death Defying Experience with The Community Voice | S7 E12

Allen Paul:
Hello, and welcome to another episode of the family business with the Alessis. And today, you're gonna hear an exclusive interview that Steve Alessi did with the host of the community voice show, Farrah Sax, on his incredible experience of surviving his widowmaker heart attack. This is the story that he pinned in his book 42, a guide to finishing well when you were almost finished. And if you're familiar with this story, this is a great episode to send to a friend to introduce them to the family business. Let's check out our episode with Farrah Sacks, Steve Alessi, and talking about 42.

Fara Sax:
Hello, and welcome to the Community Voice. I'm Farrah Sacks. Steve Alessi is the lead pastor for Metro Life Church and the author of 42, a guide to finishing well when you thought you were almost finished. He shares his lessons from his experience with a widowmaker heart attack, and he has dedicated to helping others navigate their own 42 moments. Pastor, thank you so much for joining me today.

Steve Alessi:
Farrah Sacks, great to be with you. Thank you for the opportunity. Thank you for, first, you're like a sister. You you came to our church. We're doing some things together with the community news and, you stepped in like you knew us and, you were a long time friend and we appreciate that. And even though we may come from different faiths, we share something that is very common and that's really to help people be better, have better lives, live better lives. So I thank you for just being there and and being like a sister. So thanks for opening your heart and your arms to us.

Fara Sax:
And thank you so much, pastor. It's so much similarity in life where we're given lots of bad things and we're given beautiful packages, and we have to open both of them. And yours came at Father's Day

Steve Alessi:
Mhmm.

Fara Sax:
2007. Having a grand old time just with the family having Father's Day celebrating. And then you're hit with something.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. When they say that, fettuccine alfredo is a heart attack on a plate, they're not joking. Sure enough, the day after Father's Day, my wife and I and our kids, we were up in, Stuart. We had just closed on a new townhouse that we had bought. And, I was busy throughout the day. Found myself a little tired, but I figured that was from Sunday, from preaching and then doing what we do for Father's Day. And then, I noticed all of a sudden later in the evening, we were waiting for movers. It was raining a little bit outside.

Steve Alessi:
And I was moving a couple of large sliding glass, doors. I took them off their track. And all of a sudden, I had this pain hit my left shoulder, and I thought maybe that's from picking up those doors. Before I knew it though, the pain wouldn't stop. So then I started to get, nauseous. And I told my wife I gotta go to the restroom. So I went and, when I did what I had to do, little did I know it was the body's response to now needing all the blood to the heart. So the body flushed itself from anything that would which would've gotten the way of doing that.

Steve Alessi:
And when I stood up, I felt that pain move from my left shoulder to the middle of my chest, and I knew, uh-oh, this was gonna be bad. Ran down, told my wife, call 911. And that's the beginning of what was the widowmaker heart attack that they say 5% of its victims survive. And the more I studied that, the truth of the matter is even lesser than that because 5% of those that have the widowmaker make it to emergency. And out of that, about 4 or 5% survive the emergency room after having a widowmaker. So they ended up putting a stent in my heart And, here we are all these years later, living life, because there is life to be lived on the other side of those life altering events that hit us.

Fara Sax:
In your book, you chronicle step by step all the things that you learned along the way, and and it's beautifully written. I read it twice. Once for my head

Steve Alessi:
Mhmm.

Fara Sax:
And once for my heart on Saturday. And it really resonated to your humanity

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Fara Sax:
Being a pastor of a church where you are the ringleader. You really lead people along the way to find their own spirituality, relationship with God.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Fara Sax:
But there you were on your knees, really.

Steve Alessi:
Mhmm.

Fara Sax:
Literally, on the bathroom floor of having a major heart attack. How do you go from that to really regrouping and moving forward?

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. The 42 represents 42 minutes that those paramedics worked on me. I would say my life up to that point. So I was 46 when this happened. Alright? My life for 46 years was pretty doggone good. And I didn't take advantage of my wife. I didn't cheat on her. I was as a pastor, I felt I was living a pretty good life.

Steve Alessi:
I didn't bark at my kids too much even though I was a hard father growing raising them here in in Miami and South Florida. We know how challenging that is. But I I treated my church well. I treated myself well. I treated my family well. If I can had to blame anybody for this, it would have been too many cheeseburgers growing up. Alright? So for those 40 for for those 46 years up to those then those 42 moments, it just shows you how, you know, you could be doing life so well. And then out of nowhere, life hits you.

Steve Alessi:
Now it could be a divorce you didn't see coming. Yeah. You had problems. The rocky marriage maybe, but you never thought they had served you with divorce papers. It could be a bankruptcy where you had challenges financially and the only way now you see out of it is having to file bankruptcy. When those life altering events hit you, then it's one thing to have to endure those. And we all go through them. But what do we do on the other side? Because after those 42 moments the 42 minutes, when those paramedics did save my life, there were 5 of them.

Steve Alessi:
And, man, I I goes I go to that that area or that man, what am I trying to say here? I go to that station, that paramedic station when I'm back up in Stuart, and I'll bring them food and just the same guys aren't there anymore, but they all know the story. It's been passed down. And, I just showed them some great honor because those guys saved my life, and they they were amazing, which made me think even more, as I serve today as a chaplain in the Doral Police Department and a chaplain at the School of Justice because I always want police officers and first responders to know how grateful I am because those guys did save my life. So 42 minutes happened. They saved me. I get to emergency room. Doctors do what they gotta do. Medical professionals are amazing.

Steve Alessi:
Put a stent up in my heart my heart. But then after that, what do we do? Because after you go through the divorce, what's next? Your heart's broken. Feel like your dreams are shattered. And at that moment, they are. And it's gonna take you a minute to regroup. When you financially lose it all, when maybe sickness hits your body, what what do you do next? Because if we're alive and we survive it, alright, it means the creator is not done with us yet. We evidently have more that we have to do for not just ourselves but for others. And so at that point, I had to make some decisions.

Steve Alessi:
And it took a minute. Actually, it took about 3 years before I started even dreaming again because I was so consumed with the what ifs. So there is life.

Fara Sax:
The what ifs if I did this, I could get hurt or if I did if I run down the street, I'm gonna die. What were some of the what ifs? The what what Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
Well, since it came out of nowhere, I didn't know what could happen next to my heart. And, I remember as a kid seeing a man in, that is a friend of our families have 3 heart attacks. So if he had 3 and I had one at 46 and I was so young, he was in his seventies at the time And he survived. That last one took him out. I'm like, when will the next one come? So for my birthday that year so I have this heart attack in the summer. I'm 46. I turned 47 in November. My buddies are like, let's go fishing.

Steve Alessi:
Alright? So I was so consumed, Farrah, the night before with what if I'm in the middle of the ocean and something happens again? I was just consumed with fear. And that hit me for, like, 3 years because the what if was if out of nowhere something hits me again, will I survive it this second time? And it wasn't until one day sitting in that church of mine where we had a wall in the back of the building that separated our facility from a TV studio, of all things, that I looked at that building and we were in the middle of negotiations at that point to renew their lease. And I looked back over my shoulder one morning in the service. I wasn't on the platform. And I thought to myself, man, that wall needs to come down. And it hits me as I turned back around. Hey. Now you're dreaming again.

Steve Alessi:
When we go through hard times, I think one of the biggest challenges is that we don't let that hard time steal our dream and our vision for a better life because we can get back up on our feet and we can live again even though we feel like we've been taken out.

Fara Sax:
And you talk a lot. You a a lot of what you talk about is through sports.

Steve Alessi:
Mhmm.

Fara Sax:
And one of the things was there was a coach and you it was, boxing. Mhmm. And when the opponent gets hit, knocked down, you said, how does the coach teach that guy in that arena that's on his legs on now on the floor completely sprawled out to stand back up? Yeah. What did you do to stand back up? You you had that moment of the wall. But what do you tell people now? Because you waited 3 years, which is, you know, in your time, when you're readiness, and and when you're ready to go. Yeah. What would you tell people?

Steve Alessi:
Well, a couple of major issues stand out for me. And and because of my job, I'm surrounded in a a spiritual community. Community is everything. Relationships are everything when you go through something that's so life altering.

Fara Sax:
So relationships to God, relationships to your community inside that church

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Fara Sax:
Metro Life, and then in the community that you're serving.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Fara Sax:
Correct?

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. Yeah.

Fara Sax:
That's How did you get that?

Steve Alessi:
Cute. You're you're bringing up our value core values of our church, relationship, relationship, relationship. I the point there was you you gotta have people around you. You you can't isolate yourself because what you wanna do is isolate yourself. So when you've been hurt, what what do you wanna do? You don't run to people because people probably hurt you. You run away from people. And that's the worst thing we can do. We gotta run to people.

Steve Alessi:
So I had the support of a community that I'm telling you, the night it was happened we're 2 hours north in in Martin County. The night that happened, that that emergency room was filled with some friends that I had had a wonderful relationship with because I was their pastor for all these years. So relationship was everything. It let me it let me let people help me. I used to How

Fara Sax:
old was that?

Steve Alessi:
That was very hard because I was always the one that had the answer. I thought I did. You know? Of course, when you're in my position, you're you're speaking to people. You usually got a big finger out there pointing at people. I needed people now to turn around and help me. So the first instinct is to run from people. If you're gonna survive a major blow to your life, you gotta get back around people that can help you, people that care for you. You you got to do that.

Steve Alessi:
And, of course, from my perspective, again, faith is very important. You got to have faith in a higher power. Mine is God. I have to know that God has a plan for me. If I'm not supposed to be here, alright, that situation would have taken me out. But evidently, the creator knew that there was still more work for me. So now I needed to get a little bit more inspired. The reason it took me so long to get back on my feet, when I say 3 years, is because I was talking to my actually, I couldn't even have enough faith to get myself out of the way after this heart attack because of fear.

Steve Alessi:
But I had to learn to say, alright, God still is at peace with me. 1st, I thought maybe he was mad at me. Maybe life went, you know, sideways because I did something wrong and I wasn't good enough. And I had to process that. I thought maybe at that point, I you know, my first job needed to be, let me get it right with with the creator. So I did. I just kinda laid things out on the table. Where am I vulnerable? What am I doing wrong? Why would I be open to something like this? How did it just hit me? So my community was important.

Steve Alessi:
My faith in God was important. And then I just needed to process. Alright. This is life. Farrah, sometimes we can do things right and still have things go wrong. It's just part of life. There's no guarantees. There's there's no promise that tomorrow is gonna be a better day.

Steve Alessi:
But you better realize there are decisions that need to be made along the way in life. And if you've come out of a hurt, something's knocked you out. Now let me make some decisions going forward that are going to give me a different result so that I can still figure out a way to manage living life to the fullest.

Fara Sax:
And I know when people are dealing with some very heavy tragedies or or discourse in their life, they always say, why did God do this to x, y, and z? To me? Why is there a war going on? What is the big meaning? Where's God's hand in this? If he was here, he wouldn't let what have you these are big soup really bigger than our Mhmm. Human strongness and toughness and and and intellectual understanding. What do you say? Because you have to come to terms with your maker, your creator, and why that happened, why you were given this package that day. Yeah. What have you what have you come up with and what do you tell now your your community?

Steve Alessi:
Mhmm. I do think my experience helped me find a balance. I'm very disciplined in the sense that I'm principled. I believe in principles. When you operate by right principles, you can As we can predict your future. So when you're kind to people, you're that kindness is going to yield you a harvest of kindness from others. If you're not, then, you know, don't complain when people cut you off in traffic because most likely you cut somebody off in traffic. It's the whole the whole saying.

Steve Alessi:
You know, what goes around comes around. So I'm very principled in this in life. When this hit me, it caused me to question that. Because now even when you're doing the the right thing, sometimes the wheels can come off this wagon. So how do we deal with bad things happening even to good people in life? And the answer to that, I believe, is bad things are gonna happen because it's just life. But bad things that happen doesn't mean that you have to continue having a bad life. Mhmm. It may have happened in one season.

Steve Alessi:
Doggone it. I was 46. I'm 63 today. People get around me. It's like, you know what? We don't even we can't even tell you had a heart attack. Yeah. That's because life, it's bad at moments. Alright? You've been married 5 years and all of a sudden you got divorced.

Steve Alessi:
Wait a minute. The next marriage next person walks through your life doesn't mean that life's gonna end that way. You gotta start thinking about I can make it a better life. That was just a bad season. Come on. The Miami Dolphins, we keep waiting for a winning season. Right? Everybody's got a bad season, and that's all that had to be. So it doesn't mean now that all of life is bad.

Steve Alessi:
It just means that season of life was bad. But now what are we gonna do? And the biggest inspiration that I could try to be to people today is when you are on your back, you do have to turn around and say, alright. Let me get back up and try to figure this thing out, and I can. And as I surround myself with the right people, get that faith situation taken care of, and start making better choices with my life, I can make a bad season. I can turn it into a good season.

Fara Sax:
And you had a wonderful support system. Yeah. Your family, your community, your wife. In the book, you talk about that the, paramedics said, you please start calling everybody that you know, about what's going on with pastor Alessi. Just and she did, and she started praying.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Fara Sax:
And they paddled you how many times?

Steve Alessi:
Seven times with the past.

Fara Sax:
And usually the averages?

Steve Alessi:
Oh goodness. 4 or 5.

Fara Sax:
And the reason why the the paramedics said was

Steve Alessi:
read this book.

Fara Sax:
You you

Steve Alessi:
don't make me cry.

Fara Sax:
The reason why they did it is because they saw in your wife something of of of prayer, of community, of resilience, of a higher power. Yeah. And it probably, for them, was a life changing moment too.

Steve Alessi:
This was, the crew that was working as paramedics, 5 of them. They had never worked together before. And it was a ragtag team, because it was Father's Day weekend. So some of the main, the normal, guys that were on schedule, they weren't on schedule that weekend because they took time off to be with their family. So this was a ragtag team put together from different departments and were serving for the first time. Earlier that day, they had lost someone to a heart attack. They come in. They're doing my deal.

Steve Alessi:
I'm laid down on my back. 1 paramedic's on one arm. 1's on the other arm. 1's around my feet. 1's around my head. And one is now giving the coaching instructions and talking to the the other main paramedics the way they do. And so, Mary calls out to me. She goes,

Fara Sax:
Your wife?

Steve Alessi:
My wife, Mary. She calls out and says, Steve, I'm a call your dad. And mom and dad were here in Miami. I said, Mary, don't call. Don't worry, though. Don't don't bother them. And the paramedic looked her paramedic looked at her and said, you better call. You better call.

Steve Alessi:
Mary called my parents. They immediately jumped in the car, started coming up. But then word started spreading real quick. So she called what was a group of people that were really dedicated to just praying over our family. And those people immediately started praying. But Mary was the rock through all of that, when I couldn't help myself. She she stayed strong.

Fara Sax:
And here you are with your family. Yeah. Beautiful, beautiful family that you get to see, that you get to experience. You have beautiful grandchildren, 3 beautiful grandchildren, 4 children.

Steve Alessi:
All Dade County school kids.

Fara Sax:
And they get they get to have their grandpa.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Fara Sax:
Their father. Yep. Her husband, Mary's husband.

Steve Alessi:
Yep.

Fara Sax:
Around.

Steve Alessi:
Super proud of them all, went to local school, all graduated from FIU college degrees. One of them's got a master's. 2 of them's got masters. And then my son-in-law graduate of it's got his master's. My daughter-in-law, again, graduate of FIU. All of them are phenomenal young adults. They all serve with us today. My son at 33 years of age serves as a associate on, to one of our campus pastors.

Steve Alessi:
And my daughter handles music. My other daughter handles mental health counseling. My other daughter handles our youth. And, yeah, my son-in-law handles education. My daughter-in-law handles all office matters. So 3 great grandkids, life's sweet. And, they, again, kinda get close. You'd never know that this guy had one of these near death experiences.

Fara Sax:
And in your book, you talk about the art of finishing well is about action. Yeah. What kind of action? What do people need to do to get moving? Well I feel like you you you you just had, like, a a session with me. I feel like you were very emotional right now. What's going on before we get to this?

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. Shows you how fragile life is, Farrah. We we don't know what happens tomorrow. There is no guarantees in life. You you because things can happen out of nowhere. It it really that's what it was for me. I'm talking about the carpet being pulled out from under my feet. That's what it was.

Steve Alessi:
And, to this day, my cardiologist looks at my files and he says, man, I I can't believe I'm even talking to you. So you don't see that. In our in our circles, there's a great story of, 3 Hebrew children that are in the story in the Bible in the fire of of a fiery den. And they didn't they didn't get consumed. That fire tried to take them out, but they didn't get consumed because of another presence, a deity that was there. God was there with them. And they come out of it and and the story goes on to say they didn't even smell the smoke. When you get around some people that can get this right, alright, you go through life.

Steve Alessi:
Life's hard. But you can come out on the other end, and you don't have to smell the smoke. Nobody even can imagine you went through it. So

Fara Sax:
So in other words, it's getting to the other side so that you have a wonderful life so that, as you say, you finish well.

Steve Alessi:
You finish well. Okay. Time's your friend. Time is your friend. It's gonna take time to rebound. Alright? Give yourself some time. But what's required on the other side of it is a great just review of life. And that is look back over my shoulder.

Steve Alessi:
Here's what I had to do. What did I do wrong to allow something like this to happen? Now somebody that may not like that because they're like, well, that's you can't blame yourself. Well, I contributed. I had too many bad cheeseburgers. I wasn't eating well. I wasn't taking care of myself. I needed to start taking care of myself. So here's what I've learned.

Steve Alessi:
I I have a farm in Georgia, a 150 acres. Love the place. We got cows on it. Here's I'm a Miami bred kid. Went to raised in Westchester. Went graduated from Miami Coral Park High School. Alright. Went to college in the middle of the state of Florida.

Steve Alessi:
Italian, up My my father. The a lessee. Alessi name is known in the community because of art.

Fara Sax:
I know your father. So that that is I'll be your father. Yeah. This come in.

Steve Alessi:
Yes. Yes. So we're all raised right here. But, yeah, I went and got a farm because I love hunting and I love being able to see just the nature, which probably was a result of his heart attack. Slow down a little, Steve, you know, enjoy life.

Fara Sax:
So there was that moment. So there was you you got a lot of lessons.

Steve Alessi:
I got a lot of lessons for sure. Just took time to realize where all this stuff comes from. But I learned a valuable lesson watching the farmer. The farmer knows this. When he plants his seed, that harvest comes. When he gets a bad harvest, alright, he can't do anything right then to change the harvest. He's got a bad harvest. The only way to get rid of a bad harvest is to plant new seeds, better seeds, so that the next season you get a better harvest.

Steve Alessi:
I know it's crazy talking agricultural to a whole South Florida community. But it's the reality. You can't take a bad harvest and just flush it down the toilet and expect a new harvest the next day. It takes time. Patience. Patience and sowing the right kind of seeds, living the right kind of life, making the right kind of decisions throughout your life. Alright? So you've got to survey every decision and choice that you make. That's what I had to do.

Steve Alessi:
I just had to go back and say, alright, those are good choices. But Steve, can you make better choices over here? And as I started to make those better choices, better seed was going into the ground. And what you see today with the family is the result of good kind of seed. I'm not lucky. And and I hope

Fara Sax:
You're lucky that you got to be here with us.

Steve Alessi:
I'm fortunate.

Fara Sax:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
But this goes beyond luck at this point. It there there had to be better choices that needed to be made. I had to change some of the ways that I was thinking. So how do I finish well? I I start sowing better seed. I keep my eyes on the prize. I know that the creator still has a a plan for my life or else that situation could have taken me out. The fact that it didn't, god still has a plan for me. And then I continually, every day, put my foot in front of the other and walk this life out.

Steve Alessi:
Did I wanna quit at certain times? I was afraid. I was afraid. I I remember my wife and I just coming together for the first time after being in the that hospital. I didn't like feeling like an invalid. I did not like being put on medication. Didn't like that at all that I had to be, so dependent upon others.

Fara Sax:
But those were your seeds that you needed to plant so that you could learn to be healthy again to come back.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Fara Sax:
Your book 42, available on Amazon. A wonderful read for whatever you're believing in.

Steve Alessi:
Mhmm.

Fara Sax:
Pastor Steve Alessi. You are a force to be reckoned with and I and I appreciate that we're having this time together and many blessings for continued living well, finishing well life. Thank you for your time.

Steve Alessi:
Thank you, Farrah.

Fara Sax:
And I wanna thank you for joining me today. I'm Farrah Sacks. Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other. Have a beautiful day.

Chris Alessi:
You've just enjoyed another episode of the family business podcast with the Alessis, and we can't thank you enough for being a part of our podience today. Now that you've learned more about us, here's how you can join in in the family business. First, make sure you're following our podcast right now and download this episode so you can hear it at any time. 2nd, think of someone you know that might need or enjoy this episode and share it with them. You'll be helping them and helping us to spread the word about the family business. 3rd, go to alesseefamilybusiness.com and tap the ask the Alesses button. This is really cool. You could use it to record a voicemail comment or question, and we can add your voice to our conversations.

Chris Alessi:
Finally, while you're on our page, tap the reviews tab, and you'll see a link to leave a review on Apple Podcasts. We love reading your reviews, and we might even share them on the show. Thanks again for joining us, and we'll see you next time at the Family Business with the Alessis, because family is everybody's business.