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January 22, 2025

Grandparent with Grace! How to Manage Discipline Issues with Your Grandkids

Being a grandparent can be joyous and fulfilling - but it's not always simple. Especially when grandkids are being, well, kids. How do well-meaning grandparents maintain the right posture when it comes to setting standards, w...

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The Family Business with The Alessis

Being a grandparent can be joyous and fulfilling - but it's not always simple.

Especially when grandkids are being, well, kids. 

How do well-meaning grandparents maintain the right posture when it comes to setting standards, without overstepping parental boundaries? 

Dive into a candid conversation with Mary and Steve Alessi as they explore the delicate balance of being supportive grandparents without stepping on parental toes. They unveil the nuances of defining your role, respecting boundaries, and extending grace and patience while your adult children find their footing as parents.

You'll discover how to adapt your approach and learn key strategies for fostering a harmonious relationship between grandparents, parents, and grandkids. 

With personal anecdotes and practical advice, the Alessis shed light on how to be an affirming and supportive grandparent, ensuring everyone's well-being and happiness.

Tune in to gain insights on how to enjoy your grandparenting journey without overstepping, creating a positive and nurturing environment for your entire family!

Send us a text at our Podience Textline: 302-542-0800

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Chapters

00:00 - Coming Up In This Episode

00:54 - Family Matters

05:49 - The Blessing Of Being A Grandparent

08:17 - Be Aware

13:30 - An Affirming Voice

18:08 - Talk About Boundaries

26:28 - Think Long-Game

29:27 - The Secret To Grandparenting

Transcript
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00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:22.914
I didn't anticipate having this kind of love for these children that weren't from my womb. They were from my daughter's womb and from my son's loins. But yet I wanted to be a part of their their lives so bad because you just know the beauty in it. Yeah. But we had to back up and go, okay, hold on a second. We gotta give them space. This is these are their kids. They gotta raise them.

00:00:32.298 --> 00:01:24.700
Hello, and welcome to another episode of the family business with the Alessis where family is everybody's business. And today, it's Mary and I in the podcast booth. And I'm excited about this series that we are in this, or this season Yeah. Of our episodes. And we're gonna be talking today about, family matters. And one family matter that I know could really cause a lot of people to start talking about your business as a family, if you don't get a grip on it, is disciplining your child. And it's gonna come from a standpoint of not so much what the parents' role is in disciplining the child. Right. But today we're gonna talk about what is the grandparents' role when it comes to disciplining grandchildren.

00:01:25.799 --> 00:01:48.905
So, Mary, we have, at this particular time, 3 grandkids. Yes. We do. And we get the privilege of being able to spend a good amount of time with them. Yeah. So, what are you thinking about this whole subject matter? I mean, because if you and I were sitting on our patio today with a cup of coffee, like we're doing in the podcast booth And our family most likely business cups.

00:01:48.965 --> 00:01:56.079
Yes. Mhmm. Most likely, we would be talking about the way our kids discipline their kids.

00:01:56.379 --> 00:02:41.134
Oh, for sure. That's what the back patio is for. That's it. Is to have those conversations in it. And it it is definitely something that you, from one day to the next, start to draw from how did my mom do this with my kids? How did your dad do this? How did our how did our kids' grandparents, our parents Right. Handle this? Yeah. Because it is a it is a a different territory. Yeah. So what is our role? And I think as we start to process this, we wanna be as fair as possible. We live in a, you know, unique culture in South Florida. So the Latin culture, the, there is no almost almost no separation between grandparent and parent and grandchild. It's very different here. It's really different here.

00:02:41.134 --> 00:03:14.530
Kinda talk to that for a second. In our South Florida environment, because the culture here is so South American and Hispanic, they're very strong in the La Familia. Very, very strong. Like, it they don't put grandparents in retiring homes or in nursing homes at all. Parents move in with their children. That's just the way it is. I was talking to somebody this morning, and their mother is 66. And she's already pressing her mother and father. That's young. To move into her side room with her and her husband because she doesn't wanna see them working.

00:03:14.530 --> 00:03:55.614
She wants to see them rest. My age is being encouraged to go live with the kids. With their adult kids. Terrible. And I'm I'm like, wow. But that's the Hispanic culture. You know? Yeah. They take care of mommy and pop. They do. And it's beautiful. We've learned a lot from that. I cherish that. I think it's beautiful. But in a real American culture, that might not be the case. Yeah. But down here, there is a high value on families. They take care of one another. So grandmothers and grandfathers are actually like a second set of parents Mhmm. To their kids, which is, to their grandkids, which is very unique. It's got its upsides. It has got its downsides. Sure.

00:03:55.614 --> 00:04:48.925
The American household's a little different. Very. It's like they they let the kids, the the adult kids of theirs, do whatever they choose to do with the grandchildren, and they they're a little bit, more hands off. Right. Well but here's where we wanna go with this, because we recognize that there's 2 parties involved outside of the grandparents. Mhmm. 2 parties involved in raising their children, and it's the husband and the wife, the mom and the dad. And if you wanna maintain a good relationship with your, kids, your adult kids, and your in laws, then you need to be aware that as a grandparents, you should, consider what your role is. Right. And and that's the part that we wanna try to get across. How can we, assist when it comes to raising grandkids?

00:04:49.384 --> 00:04:55.884
So first thing I would say is I think of the parents today that are raising kids.

00:04:57.785 --> 00:05:15.920
There is a lot of peer pressure when it comes to them Yes, sir. Raising kids. It's different There is. Today for them. So as a grandparent, I would think the best thing to do is to come to the table with a lot of grace and a lot of patience Yeah.

00:05:16.060 --> 00:05:57.764
Watching your kids Yeah. Raise their kids. And our way, there's no real such thing as our way or their way. We should be very sensitive to the fact that as a grandparent, we can watch our kids come to this place of of raising their kids Right. And be okay with it. Because there should be just time given for your kids to learn how to raise their kids. Us as grandparents, we already learned how to do that by raising our kids. Right. And so we think we know how to do it, and that's wonderful.

00:05:58.225 --> 00:06:05.379
But but that's the blessing of being a grandparent here. Yeah. We don't have to be right Right. When it comes to disciplining those kids.

00:06:05.379 --> 00:07:12.404
Sure. Our adult kids have to be right, and the pressure is gonna be on them Right. To get it right. Right. And there is a lot of pressure these days. There's a lot of pressure on parents. So sweet. My mom's FaceTiming me right now, but we'll ask her to talk about the whole sweet. Oh my gosh. She might wanna get in on this podcast. I know. She's already done this. She doesn't realize she's interrupting my work day, but I'll get back to her. Go ahead. So you were saying? Well, I think we all come to the table with the way we we parented, with the way we were parented. Right. You were parented one way. I was parented another. Something else, your grandparents died relatively young. Mhmm. I mean, they were in their sixties Right. Compared to today. So you didn't really have the grandparent experience to draw from. I did, but not so much. Such a different culture. But you definitely need to lean into grace with your kids Mhmm. Because there is a process in that of them figuring it out as they go. We did figure it out. Yeah. And if you parented them well, they'll start drawing from that well. Yeah.

00:07:12.485 --> 00:08:10.985
And it's a natural thing because we all want our kids to to be healthy and whole and well balanced. But as grandparents, it's so easy. I you know what I did not anticipate? I didn't anticipate for me in that the 1st year that both kids had their kids, for that flip to switch and me wanting to literally just go over there and grab the kids and say, I got this, because I've done it before. Mhmm. And, I mean, not from anything negatively that they were doing. I didn't anticipate having this kind of love for these children that weren't from my womb. They were from my daughter's womb and from my son's loins. But yet I wanted to be a part of their their lives so bad because you just know the beauty in it. Yeah. But we had to back up and go, okay, hold on a second. We gotta give them space. This is these are their kids. They gotta raise them. Being aware of your kids is gonna make a big difference. Yeah. Your adult kids and not just looking past them and making a judgment call about them Right.

00:08:11.345 --> 00:09:42.514
Whether they are doing it the way we think they should or not. We gotta look past our kids for a second. Yeah. I'm sorry. We cannot look past our kids to look at the grandkids. We've gotta always let the parent, our adult kids, be a filter. Because here's the deal, babe. They're dealing with, peer pressure from social media. So social media is telling them how to do it. They're they're dealing with, some of them are just blended families. Right. You got blended families that come to the table now. And so though you're the grandparent, they may not be your flesh and blood grandchild. So your kids are dealing with a blended family. Yeah. So it may not be one of those children may not be your kids that actually birth them. So there's some grace and some understanding that needs to be, given there. And then you've got some parents today that are getting married later in life, and they are having kids later in life. And now, you've got to respect the fact that maybe they're gonna be a bit more lenient. Mhmm. Those that have children later in life are a bit more lenient with their kids because one, they probably think, you know, they know what they're doing. 2, they're just older and they don't have the energy No. That's true. To be able to get stay on top of the kids that require the kind of discipline that is needed. Right.

00:09:42.514 --> 00:09:53.350
So being aware of that as a grandparent will help you then step into whatever role you're given to be able to grandparent Yeah.

00:09:53.549 --> 00:10:04.154
Or discipline your grandchildren. Now I know there's gonna be two sides to this. There's a side that says, it's not my role as a grandparent. I am not gonna discipline. Yeah.

00:10:04.534 --> 00:10:15.514
That's respectable. Sure. You got it. And you give your kids the opportunity to raise their kids. That's wonderful. The other side is, I think I have a role in this.

00:10:16.250 --> 00:10:20.029
So I I I'm my kids need me to help discipline.

00:10:20.090 --> 00:11:25.404
Or I I'm with the grandchild, and when the grandchild acts up, I'm present. And if I'm present, I need to do something. What do I do? So there's two sides of that. And, a grandparent needs to figure out what side do they want to, be a part of. Yeah. Not touching it or let me help. And if we're gonna do something, then I think it's gonna come down to this. As a grand grandparent, you're probably gonna be the last person your adult kids go to to ask for advice on this? Possibly. Because of it's my way and you have your way. Right. So be patient Sure. As a grandparent. Either way, be patient. And if you're going to come to the table as a grandparent, then your goal should be twofold. 1st, it needs to be, I'm coming in to focus on the grandchild's development.

00:11:27.065 --> 00:11:49.299
I wanna be a part of that. So it's not about having it my way, or my kid's way. Right. Or the son in law's way, or the daughter in law's way, or even the other grandparents' way. We that's not the issue. The issue is I wanna be a part of this grandchild's development. Right. So what side do I land on there?

00:11:49.299 --> 00:12:37.419
And the other goal should be what? It's helping the parent. Yeah. Come alongside them and be there in in case they need you. I really I have a a memory of it's not too long ago because Gianna's only 2. But when Gianna, our first granddaughter, was kind of turning the corner of that 18 month old thing, and Stephanie was dealing with a toddler and tantrums for the first time on her own. We'd already dealt with 4 toddlers with tantrums. So you learn. You know, the more you parent, the longer you parent, you figure things out. And I remember her calling me one day, mom, she won't listen to me. Mom, she did this. Mom, she did that. And I said, Stephanie, you are her mother. That is your baby. Take control. Okay.

00:12:37.720 --> 00:12:56.225
Mom, you're right. And she did. Mhmm. But also know, Stephanie, this is what toddlers do. Right. She's doing everything normal. So encouraging her and not taking matters into my own hands or saying, Well, I don't know what you're doing wrong because she's my precious toddler baby and she doesn't act that way with me.

00:12:56.445 --> 00:13:32.335
I do hear a lot of grandparents say that. I have a tendency to say, Well, she doesn't do that with me. Well, of course not. She doesn't do that with you. You're her grandmother. You give her everything she wants. You don't say no to her. Of course, the children always act worse with their parents. Always, oh, our kids did. Yeah. They were terrible with us, and they'd go stay with my mom or your mom and dad, and they were wonderful. Yep. That's kids. They get it. They're very, very smart. But I think it's super important that we gotta put the mindset on of how can I help my son or help my daughter Yeah? In this season? I know it's hard.

00:13:32.335 --> 00:13:55.164
Mhmm. I was there. Rather than being judgy and frustrated or just being more negative and critical, there's a lot of critical voices in the world. There's a lot of critical voices in their ears just on social media. Like you said, they're judging themselves and their parenting all the time. All the time. We have chosen, and we work on it. It's not easy. Mhmm. We want to be affirming voices.

00:13:55.304 --> 00:14:02.985
Yeah. We want to be supporting voices. Not always are. Our very presence can bring a sense of criticism in the room to our kids.

00:14:02.985 --> 00:14:29.294
Yeah. Because we were the correctors. We're the parents. They knew what we're gonna say. Absolutely. I'm feeling it. I I remember feeling the ever seeing eye of dad mom over me and like, oh my gosh, am I disciplining my kid good? Am I am I on top of them enough? And quite frankly, that made me be a little harder on my kids. Right. Early on, especially with Christopher. I was hard on Christopher Yeah. Doing large part because I wanted to make sure I was doing it right. And I felt the pressure of my parents.

00:14:30.315 --> 00:14:33.995
They weren't doing pressure. You want your kids to be perfect in front of them.

00:14:33.995 --> 00:15:13.159
Yes. I see that now with with Marino. Yeah. And I see Rochelle. And there are times I wanna just whisper in her ear, do what you gotta do. Don't you worry about me. Yeah. But I know that that's a pressure point because you as a parent want your little kid, your toddler, your child to be to be this perfect specimen around your parents, and we already know they're not perfect. But what we do sometimes now my and my mother used to do this, and I swore I wouldn't. And my mom did not mean anything by it. It's it's just normal. But she'd go, Mary, Betty, get a hold of her. Mary, don't let him do that. Mary, don't let her. And it would add pressure to me already.

00:15:13.220 --> 00:15:16.578
Right. And I knew she wasn't she thought she was helping me.

00:15:16.578 --> 00:15:41.649
Right. Right. And so I'm more defaulting to, I'm on your side, Rochelle. Do whatever you feel like you need to do. Don't even worry about it. I'd rather her or him do it than us even think about having to do it. But Absolutely. But here's something that sometimes a grandparent doesn't realize that we will do. And that is when we are all together, for instance, at a restaurant, or in a church service, or at a movie.

00:15:41.950 --> 00:15:45.730
Yeah. And the child is doing what children do.

00:15:46.274 --> 00:15:53.475
Then the grandparent sometimes thinks to themselves or is tempted to think I need to help. Right. I need to get involved Right. In this moment.

00:15:53.475 --> 00:16:08.009
Oh, that's so true. And so we we're over here saying on one side, yeah, let the kid have their, you know, let your adult kids Yeah. Have the grace to do this. But then when we're in the heat heat of the moment, we're like, oh my gosh, I gotta get involved. Yeah.

00:16:08.009 --> 00:16:47.065
Now here's something. I think the reason we say have grace about it is because you've got a good few years of development with that child. That's right. And today, it doesn't all have to be done. They're not gonna be fixed or corrected or disciplined or or let in in a day's time that's gonna fix what a 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 year old is going through and is processed. Sure. So that's why if we are gonna come alongside of our kids and realize that as grandparents, we have a role to play in disciplining.

00:16:47.605 --> 00:17:09.108
I think the first thing we need to be able to do is know and respect Yeah. The boundaries that are in place when it comes to disciplining the grandkids. Yes. It's true. So there has to be boundaries. There there has to be, I think, with boundaries comes respect.

00:17:09.329 --> 00:18:11.430
Yeah. When we set boundaries in place, it's as we've said over the years, they they are not they're really meant to protect people. The reason I put a fence in my yard is to protect Mhmm. Those that are in the yard. And that's what boundaries do. They're not to punish somebody. Mhmm. You don't go after a grandparent who's really strong and aggressive and say, I don't want you disciplining my kid. And, you just wanna be able to say to the grandparent, listen, there's there's this is this is a a long range goal here. We we all just wanna protect Yes. The grandchildren and protect our relationship that we have with one another. So there has to be then this conversation. Because I don't think there's no right or wrong way to do this. Yeah. I think it it comes across as a what works for this family. And whatever works for this family, those are the boundaries that we wanna be able to put in place.

00:18:12.855 --> 00:19:53.539
So know the boundaries That's important. Which then means Yeah. If we're gonna have boundaries, somebody should be talking about this. So important, especially if grandparents are around a lot. Yeah. And you want your parents to be a part of your children's lives. That conversation is so important because we project how our dad used to be onto our kids, how our mom used to be onto our kids. Things have changed. Times have changed. We might be different. We're more mellow now or chill. We wanna enjoy the kids. And if you don't have the conversation just in real time Mhmm. For case in point, Maybe you have kids. You spanked your kids, but your kids have vowed they're not spanking their kids. Mhmm. That's a that's a difficult thing as a grandparent when you're watching a kid that could use just one little swat pow pow and you know. But then there's a good way to converse about that. And if your if your son or daughter is saying, it does not matter, we're not laying hands, we're not going to spank, okay, absolutely. Then what discipline are we going to use? So that when I watch them, I don't wanna spank them either. I'm their grandparent. The last thing I wanna do is do that. But if you're not going to enforce discipline, what discipline are we enforcing? That is so important. There's a funny mother and daughter on social media. They're hilarious. They they do this very thing. And the daughter is gonna leave You're putting pressure on us with social media. Go ahead. So the daughter is gonna leave the the her mother with the grandchild, and she's giving her mother all these lists of everything that the child needs and can do and can't do. And the mother's standing there applying her rules to raising her.

00:19:53.920 --> 00:20:18.490
And the daughter's it's funny, but she's like, no, we don't do any of that anymore. Right. But the truth is there's still a lot to learn from your parents that that still work. There is discipline that still works. But I think that conversation is important so that everybody has an understanding that we all want the best for our grandkids. Nobody loves them more than the parent, except maybe the grandparent. I'm just gonna say.

00:20:19.269 --> 00:20:33.444
Well, the reason you wanna have that conversation too, Mary, is because as a grandparent, you never want your discipline to be stronger or harsher No. Than the parents. They won't come see you.

00:20:34.065 --> 00:21:07.644
Yeah. Yeah. And it's gonna create friction It is. Between you and your kid. And your kids. And maybe the in law. That's right. Because, you know, you again, when you marry, you married the family. And when you've married into the family, it may be my family that my son-in-law and daughter-in-law have moved married into. But now I'm adopting their mindset and their attitudes that were raised in a different family. So in this case, Rochelle has a different mindset. Sure. Weena has a different mindset as it pertains to to discipline That's right. Than I do.

00:21:07.644 --> 00:21:41.640
And they bring what they were raised in. So I have to respect that. That's right. And I don't ever want when I approach the discipline aspect of it, I never want to be too harsh. No. I wanna stay in balance. If I'm invited into the the the disciplining role by my in laws or by my my own children, adult children, I wanna make sure that I'm actually below Yeah. The level of discipline that they are providing. That's right. Because they're not my children.

00:21:41.640 --> 00:22:17.430
No. That's right. And the blessing is we get them. And most of the time, they're acting their best around us. Amazing. And we see when the kids show up, their parents show up that they don't act the same. And that kind of that's tough. -Right. -Because our kids got to take those babies home. -And detox them. -And deal with them. But, I think that's really important that you got to make sure you have the conversation. Then you know your boundaries when you're within that conversation, and you're always wanting to come underneath them. Now the truth is we did discipline. I had to discipline one of our our grandkids recently.

00:22:18.295 --> 00:22:40.410
Right? Mhmm. And it was, one of those situations where they were about to get hurt. Yeah. And they were defying. It was very dangerous. Defying. Yes. I'm having a stop moment. They're looking me right in the eye, and they chose to do it anyway. Yeah. So because of that, I stepped over and caught them.

00:22:40.470 --> 00:22:59.329
Mhmm. A a little SWAT. It wasn't a spank. It wasn't a hit. And that was a little SWAT on the diaper. SWAT on the diaper. Yeah. And you would have thought, oh my goodness. I I just, I mean, cut their arm off. I crushed them. Oh yeah.

00:23:00.109 --> 00:23:11.055
I did. I crushed them. And the way they responded was not because of pain. No, because they were just mortified. Devastated.

00:23:11.595 --> 00:23:15.194
That Papa would have to do that. Yeah. Yeah.

00:23:15.194 --> 00:23:22.519
And it was like, and I hated to do it because I mean, I know how, okay.

00:23:22.519 --> 00:23:58.670
I was strong with Chris. I was not as strong with the girl. No. You weren't. So I hated to do it to this little girl. I know. That little look on her face and that moment where she held her breath, and I knew the scream was coming, but I knew the reason the scream was coming, that even tugged at my heart more. Yeah. Because it was barely a thing. It wasn't even Barely. No pain. No. It was a it wasn't even a I I and she scared us so bad and kept doing it and wouldn't listen. And here's what's funny from that though, because the other other 2 were there.

00:24:00.250 --> 00:24:48.599
All it takes is one to be to be the example Just a little blood on the ground. A little bit. And none of them have done that since. And that's the scary thing that when they're in your care Yeah. And you're the grandparent, the last thing you could stand is thinking that something happened to them while you're watching too. So that's why boundaries are so important and having the conversation is so important. And then when the parents got there, we let the parents know. We let Steph and Weidah know, hey, this happened. Yeah. Because we knew she would go home and tell them tell. She is. She is that tell She is that baby. Let everybody know, papa, papa spake me. But no. Now I've watched, of course, from a grandparents perspective, I've watched the way both of my adult children discipline their kids. Yeah.

00:24:48.599 --> 00:24:51.579
Christopher is definitely harder on the boy, on Marino.

00:24:53.000 --> 00:25:14.730
So I know what boundary I have there. Yeah. And I can, you know, give him the harsh look if he's he he did it the other day. He did it right in front of me the other day. But I laughed more at him defying me because it wasn't a matter of, you know, getting hurt. Right. It was different. The first with Gianna, she was she was gonna get hurt. Jump head first. Let her continue to do this, and she wouldn't listen.

00:25:14.730 --> 00:25:18.509
She was gonna get hurt. For him, it wasn't about getting hurt.

00:25:18.890 --> 00:25:29.835
He was just defying me. Mhmm. And I thought it was the funniest thing that a little 18 month old toddler is going to challenge me.

00:25:29.835 --> 00:26:01.424
Like, he could get away with it. I know. I know. So I couldn't I couldn't go up to him. I mean, he was just his dad had already told him, don't go any further than this area. So he his dad said he wanted him to stay and play in this area. And then when his dad walked away, he puts his little feet together like he's gonna walk off to the side, and he gets right to that boundary, and he saw that his dad was gone. But then he looked at me, and he had a little smirk on his face, and he kept walking a little bit closer and closer, and then over the boundary, and then on the other side of the boundary.

00:26:01.424 --> 00:26:38.160
And I'm like, are you kidding me? So we would say that you got to know and respect boundaries when it comes to dealing with your disciplining your kids. You you got to definitely ask, your your kids, the adults, how they feel and what your role should be. And if you don't have the actual conversation, monitor what your kids are thinking. But then I think for grandparents, Mary, think long game. It's true. I guess we kinda naturally do anyway when those kids come. Just think long game. Yeah.

00:26:38.299 --> 00:27:22.375
You don't have to fix it all today. No. Because storming in and trying to do it and maybe even in front of your adult kids, if your adult kids are not disciplining the kids. Yeah. You think you should interject, you know, don't disrespect the parent like that in front of the kids. And don't make it don't make it harder on your kids. Yeah. There's no greater support that we get to be than to our kids as they're having kids. And that is a gift. And to stay out of your feels and your expectations as the mature adults and the older ones who've already done that, we've already done this. Yeah. And we know in the long game mindset Mhmm. These kids grow up. Yep. These kids get better. Reinforcements come along the way. Yeah.

00:27:22.515 --> 00:27:33.470
And we're that reinforcement in those early stages to help our kids know you're doing it right. Yes. It's hard. It's supposed to be this hard. That's parenting. Yeah. It doesn't get easier. Mhmm.

00:27:33.690 --> 00:28:32.230
But that's what it is. Yeah. You take the good with the bad. You take the sweet with the bitter, and we're just here to help you. Where can we be of service? Yeah. How can we bless you? What do you need for us? If there's gonna be pressure on you Yeah. You've already got enough. It's not gonna come from mom and dad. So true. And I think if that's our mindset, not easy because some sometimes our kids will push us. Yeah. I know we've talked to some parents whose kids were disciplined growing up, but they've married spouses who won't discipline and quite frankly weren't raised as well and don't have the skill of parenting, and the grandparents are are having to step in to become parents. That is a really tough place to navigate. Yeah. And that is something even more you need to have the conversation. Because if the daughter-in-law is okay with just let whoever raise the kids and no discipline at all and whatever happens, happens.

00:28:32.609 --> 00:29:01.690
But the grandparents are like, listen, this is a time bomb. This is a ticking time bomb. Yeah. You need to have that conversation and find out how do we best work together to raise this kid because what they are at 4 is not what they're gonna be at 14. No. And the last thing you'd wanna do is excommunicate yourself from that place and that position because you're mad when they're 4, you don't get to discipline the way you think that that kid needs. You do have to back up because it is not your child.

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It's not. And the blessing is you get to watch your kid make all the mistakes. Yes. That's exactly right. It's on them. That's exactly right. So if we could say as grandparents, the blessing of having a kid, a grandkid, is that you get to spend as much time with them as you possibly can. Then you can send them home with their parents. Then That's it. Don't send them home crying.

00:29:23.884 --> 00:30:08.194
No. Because you had to discipline them and you were so harsh. I I would say this, the secret to grandparent needs to be, have plenty of ice cream at home Oh, yeah. And candy somewhere. Yep. So that you can almost treat them like a puppy. I know. And you can get your puppy to do anything with little snacks in your hand. They wanna be at your hour with candy. Hanging out with you and That's true. With, I mean, we're gonna help pay for their dental bill anyway. Right? Oh, gosh. I mean Yeah. No. That's your dental your teeth work is more from your DNA than it is from any kind of candy. It's true. So listen, we want you to be the best grandparent you could be and have as much time raising those grandkids as you can.

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Disciplinarian, maybe that's the parent's side. You figure out your role, be more of a support, be an encouragement. And if you liked what you heard today, maybe there's some other old fogies out there that are trying to be grandparents. Why don't you forward this episode to them? Let them find out some, maybe, tips that'll help them along the way. And if you do that, we may even be able to send you one of our nice family business coffee mugs. We'd love to be able to do that to you.

00:30:38.585 --> 00:30:45.484
So why don't you share this with as many people as possible? Thanks for joining us today on the family business with the Alessis.

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