Holiday Getaway! Why Family Vacations Are Even More Important Than You Think |S7 E13

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So that's what coming up here also helps me do. It it helps me clear my mind at some of the most creative time. I work harder up here physically than I do back home.

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Hello, and welcome to a very special edition of the family business with the Alessis, where family is everybody's business. Today, I'm in a unique place, and I have pastor Chris, my son, right along with us, in our studio there in Miami at our church, Metro Life Church. And I'm actually up here at the farm in Georgia where we get to spend some great time with the men and the women of our church going to camp. So, today I got Chris on here. How you doing there, son? I'm doing absolutely great.

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I love that we can do this this way. And, dad, I'm just reminded right now, Rochelle is walking in with Marino. Remember the last time we had him in the podcast booth? Remember when he came on? Oh, no. And I gave him a little kiss, and he started losing his mind?

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Remember that video? Well, right now he's gonna lose yeah. Right now he's gonna lose his mind because he misses his papa. Yeah. He does. He does. We're we're on the podcast, Michelle. Oh, This is cool. Alright. Well, this is, pretty exciting for us. I I wanted to come and spend this time in our podcast, Chris, because I'm thinking of the holidays. I'm thinking of everything that goes on with the family dynamics. I'm thinking about getting away, vacationing when you start your vacation, the family, all the things that go into making the holidays pretty interesting, and so I I wanted us to lean into that subject matter because the holidays can sometimes be, the most stressful time of the year with family, and it really makes total sense because some family members don't get together that long of a time, period of time, and then all of a sudden during the holidays, they're being pushed to get together and stay together for sometimes not just hours, sometimes even days. And so there's some things there that are pretty interesting. So we wanna tackle that, and, we also wanna be able to tackle why we as a family come up and do did you see the balloons right there? It's for your birthday.

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Those balloons came up for your birthday.

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Alright. Thank you. You're not gonna sing? No. That's alright.

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So we're gonna be talking about that because our family comes up in to the farm and actually right now, I'm here pretty much the entire month of November with your mom and our moms to be able to get away. So, you know, that's where we wanna go today, and you were up here last week with us. Well, how what was that for you? Well, you know, and we're gonna get into it, but it is really never convenient to go in and do what we did last week, and to do what you're doing. It's even less convenient to do what you've had to do in the past, which is dream of a life bigger than one home in Miami so you could have a place to go and retreat like you are. And so, you know, it's never convenient, but in reality, we we really love the things that come at the expense of convenience. When when we work really hard for something, that's when we seem to get the most value. So it wasn't easy to get out of town. There was stuff to do in the office. It's hard to get, an 18 month old kid in the car for 8 hours. But when we walked in and we saw what's on, right behind you there with the Christmas tree and the fireplace, And when we saw the way Marino would just wake up every day and wanna get outside and run, it was like, man, this is the most life giving, fulfilling way we could spend a week. All of our problems are gonna be back at home when we come home. It's not like our problems are gonna be at the door saying, where where you been? Like, we're gonna show up. They'll be right there. It ended up being so good for us.

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Rochelle and I got some good time alone to sit and talk about things as we drove over to Eufaula to get donuts, and we don't get that back home as often. And even if you do spend a day around the house, the dishes are calling you, the work you gotta do outside is calling you. But getting away to the farm with the family, it was the it was powering down in one way, but it was powering up in a whole different way. And we can't wait to get back there this weekend. I like hearing that. I like hearing that because that wasn't always the case, but we'll we'll hit that subject matter as we go on. And I know I know some people are saying, you know, pastor Steve, why would you go up there for that long extended period of time? And I just wanna let you in a little bit to my world.

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I haven't always been into this right here, definitely not into the whole thing that the farm gives us today. We use this farmhouse right now more so for our camps, and there's more people that come through it with our humanity camps and our Goodfellas camps. Each camp has about 30 people that we have running through the facility.

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So that's done about 6, 8 times a year, so that is really the the farmhouse has been used more for the ministry, in this past year than it has for our personal life and our family life. But I'm glad for that because that's that's something that I I believe our lives should always, demonstrate is that we're blessed to be a blessing. But for me, coming up here and spending the time, it's it's kind of there's so many reasons why I'm doing it.

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1st, to be able to after after 40 years of ministry, alright, I've been doing the same thing, Chris, for 40 years of my life. So I'd come out of college in 1984 and immediately get into the ministry, and when I got into the ministry, it's been nonstop. No turning back, really quite frankly, not hardly slowing down, especially in the early years when we started Metro 27 years ago. We didn't have the whole vacation times that we were able to take today, so you you do things for 40 years, and it's always good to be intentional about getting some time to just get refreshed, reconnect, just reload it so that you can continue doing what you're wanting to do, and I don't believe that we have to burn out in life. I really just think we can get refired up and refocused.

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So that's what coming up here also helps me do. It it helps me clear my mind at some of the most creative time. I work harder up here physically than I do back home. I got cuts all over my arm from getting out there working in the the woods, working in the garage, little Gianna and the grandkids come up and the first thing they start doing is looking at all the boo boos on papa, and they wanna show me their boo boos, and I wanna show them my boo boos. It's really cute. So I work harder here, but it's a different kind of work. It's refreshing.

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Then for mom and I, man, she and I just get to talk, we get to connect, we get to, watch whatever we wanna watch. She gets out there and handles some of her own, chores. Like right now, this whole place was decorated, and she was so excited to have it decorated so that when y'all got up here and, some of our friends got up here, they were able to see and experience the holiday. 1 of the grandkids came walking in and said, this is where Santa Claus lives because already the place was set up. So it's refreshing for mom and I, and maybe this is this is like the the cherry on top. When we come up, mom and I come up for this long extended period of time for the month of November. She and I get to connect with our moms. Both our parents built cottages on the farm, and they don't get to use it all year long. They don't use their cottage. The campers do. The leaders of the campers, they use it. But this is a time for us to be able to bring them up, let them stay in their cottage, and the the day more or less while we're up here is we're having coffee with them on in their on their porch and their rocking chairs, and, then they're coming over for breakfast, then lunch. In the afternoon, there's coffee, and then, of course, there's dinner. And it's all within walking distance, and all of us just have such a great time together. And can I tell you what both of our mothers have said to mom and I? They both looked at us at different times and they said, guys, you are so blessed.

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Even for them, it's a time when they can just kinda look at all the landscape of our lives as a family, and we're all able to see the goodness and the blessings of God, and that fires me up for what comes when we walk out of this place and head back to Miami and do all the work that we need to do to make sure our lives are impacting other people. So I've gotta get away, and this is a great way for us to do it.

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Well, it's the difference between always doing versus being.

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And, you know, we have in in the West, you know, we have this I work for the weekend, but the ancient Jews, the early Christians, you know, the idea of Sabbath was actually, I power up on that day off so I can go and do meaningful work, work that matters during the week. It's so I can I I I stop doing so I can be I can fully fill back up, so when I wake back up on Monday, I'm I'm ready to go, and this is just a larger scale of that? And to step into the spiritual stuff for a minute, we always look at Jesus going into the wilderness for 40 days, and we always kinda take away from that man. The devil tempted him when he was at his most tired. When in reality, it might have been that that time, which the word for desert is more, it's a much more open word. It could have meant wilderness. It could have meant a forest. It just basically meant just a a place away from the hustle and bustle. And when he went into that, it was almost like he needed to be fully charged up and full before he could face that temptation. And I think that's really what's happening when we intentionally set aside time to go and to enjoy. We're we're refilling ourselves. And I wanna get your thoughts on this because, Roger Quesada in our church handed me a book, Failing Fast, Failing Often, and the opening chapter has nothing to do with with failing. It has to do with making sure you're orienting your life in a way where there's things that constantly bring you joy because your best ideas and your best work will come out of a life that is full of things you enjoy.

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And so they even looked at, the the way that we got cliff bars invented. It was a guy who loved mountain biking, and in the middle of him mountain biking, he's like, man, these power bars are terrible. What if we had something better? It was when he was doing something he loved.

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Another example is of the one of the leading psychologists in positive psychology today only became a psychologist because he was loving tennis. So he's playing tennis in college, he loved his tennis coach. And his coach is asking him or his school's asking him, what are you gonna major in? He's like, I don't know. So he asks his coach. His coach happened to be faculty in the psychology department and goes, you should try psychology. And he's like, alright. And he become he became a leading psychologist today in a new field of positive psychology. And I bring that up because sometimes we devalue those moments where we go and enjoy something as a family. We devalue those vacations, that rest.

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We we feel like that's somehow taking it easy, when in reality, that's actually where my heart, my my innermost being can go and and be its truest self, be my best self so I can come back and I can succeed. And I see this on a day to day level. Our offices are different when you and mom come back from that time there. You've got ideas. Yesterday in the office was a flurry of ideas that you had all the way from the farm because you're doing something your heart loves. You're out. You're you're turning off something.

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It's kinda like your senses. You know, if you close your eyes long enough, your hearing is gonna get better, your hearing will get better, and that's kinda what happens when we get away, which is why I think it's so hard to get away. I think we think it's hard when in reality those are obstacles. And the most valuable things in life normally come with obstacles. If something doesn't have an obstacle, it's probably not worth all that much. If you could find something on the side of the road and pick it up, that means there's no value in it. But if you've gotta work for it, there's more value. And so I think what we're talking about here is actually, it's not taking it easy or taking the easy route, it's actually doing the hard thing so you could go home and do even harder things. Yeah. I like that, Chris. I will say this, that if the Hunter's Bible had an interpretation of the wilderness, it would have been the hunting stand. Jesus was in the hunting stand for 40 days before to the hunting stand. Well, listen.

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I know this from the holidays.

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The holidays are some of the busiest times of year.

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They fall at maybe the worst time of the year because you've got a lot of things, at least corporately and professionally and even ministry, a lot of things that you wanna get finished by the end of the year, and a lot of things you wanna cram into just a 4 to 6 week period of time. So in reality, if you look at it, the worst time of the year to get around is get away, excuse me, is during the holidays, and yet I believe it's the most important time to be able to get away. So let let's talk about that for a minute because people are scheduling their holidays out between Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's.

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They I guess our inspiration and encouragement today would be do it.

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Make sure right now, don't wait till the end, the last week before, like a lot of people do.

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Make sure you're planning your moments to either get away or just to connect as a family, alone time with your family. Start planning now.

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As you know, son, I plan this month out way in advance, and I have to get a lot of things done before I can come up and work mobile, and also take care of some of the things I wanna take care of around the farm here.

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And I do it, and if you're honest on your end, I come to you and I come to Muina, I come to my daughters, and I say, okay, guys.

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What's your plans? And 95% of the time y'all are like, we'll we'll get to it. We'll get to it. And I push, guys, what's the plans? Here's where I'm going, when I'm going, this is what I'm doing, this is the vehicle I'm taking, here's where I'm picking up grandmommy, grandma, this is what we're doing, plan it all out. This is when so and so's coming up because I also like to bring staff up here. So I bring 2 guys, Armando and John, up to be able to enjoy this environment because I wanna give back to them. They give so much during the year. I like giving back to them, so I planned it all out. I got, a buddy coming today.

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He's driving in tonight so we can hunt tomorrow and spend some time together. All of that is planning.

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So because it's so busy and because, just young people, I guess, young adults sometimes they're not thinking about, you know, making their plans because they their heads down on what they gotta do right now.

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Talk to me about why it's so important for a young guy like you in the middle of your career, busy hustling, growing your family, starting your family, why is it important for you to even make time to get away? Well, I think first of all, I'd add that sometimes the the people in my season of life that still have parents that are still very much involved in in the day to day of their lives and the ones that are planning sometimes we don't take the initiative to plan because we've never done that. Our parents have always done that. And so we kind of remain in that follower role. Like, hey.

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Sometimes, I don't feel like I can go and say here's what we're doing. I have to almost know what our family's doing and then we can go and make that choice, but that that doesn't help my family. That doesn't help my smaller family of Rochelle and Marino. That doesn't help being being the initiator and saying, okay. Hold on.

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What's a win for us this holiday? What do we wanna do? How do we wanna turn off? And then making it work with family is it is better for everybody involved and we don't always feel that way because we've been the kids our entire lives. So now as we're turning a corner, it is good for us as the the younger generations to have a plan to say, hey. This is what we'd like to do. But I think it's important for me, in my season, you know, you you don't always see it when you're single. You hear a lot of other people talk about it and you just kind of assume it'll never happen to you, but it does. And what I mean is, you you hear those things about men, we're married. We work together. We're together all the time, but we're still not spending time together. It's like how? You're together all day long. You and me, dad, we are constantly talking. We talk every day. We're on the phone. We're working together. I come to your house after church on Sundays to watch football. We are together all the time. And yet, there were certain depths of discussion that you and I had not had in a long time until we're whispering in a hunting stand. And we had already done it a few times And it's the type of discussions you don't have time or margin for at home. And so that doesn't just apply to me and you, it applies to me and my wife. There's time with Marino I don't get between dropping him off in him off in the daycare here, picking him up at the end, getting him home, having things to do, there's not the margin sometimes to just sit and enjoy a moment with him. And so I think it's important because it it creates margin in your life. It it it does. So So that's a big word now, margin. But it's so important because it keeps us from becoming those couples that we heard about our entire lives. Keeps us from becoming that family that's together, but it's never really together. And so it is it is that it's like, man, everything kinda comes and fits back into place when we get away and spend time together. And by the way, spending time together does not mean we're going on a vacation and every single minute of every day is planned. Here's everything we're doing. That does that's not vacation. That's just work in a different way. We're doing. That that's not vacation.

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That's just work in a different way. But part of getting not that there's not work to do at the farm, but part of what we do is like you said, it is getting up and sitting and having coffee. It is like what we did while we were there.

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15, all 3 of our family's kids were outside running around everywhere while we all had a cup of coffee and a donut. It was the most beautiful time together, and you just don't have margin for that all the time back home. Oh, yeah. You're right. And talking about donuts, man, we're eating good up here. I'll tell you that. I sent a picture of grandmommy to my sisters and they're like, what are you doing to her? You're feeding her really good. Said, yes. That's what, we do when we come up here. Here here's what I I wanna hit for a second. Some people just really aren't interested in getting away.

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They're homebodies. It's like one time when you were growing up, you wanted to stay home and you told us, man, I'm a homophobe. Said, no. You're not a homophobe, son. You're a homebody. I just didn't know.

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So some people are homebodies. They don't think they they they just don't they're not interested in getting away because they got things they wanna do around their house and so on, but I I just wanna say to that person, listen. When the holidays come, this is the one time a year that you may wanna think of yourself less and think of people around you more. Think of your spouse, think of your kids, think of your extended family members. Because during the holidays, you should try your best to make it about them. So be willing to make the sacrifice. You're in town maybe and, you know, it's a great time. May not have a lot of money to spend, but it's a great time just to go over to Merrick Park or something and and just enjoy walking around that place and getting some ice cream and taking pictures, selfies, and letting the kids run around by the big Christmas tree. Little things are just important to do so that you can think of them, not yourself.

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So think of them. Be be thinking about the the future, the memories that you're gonna make with them. I would say to the older guy in my position, you know, one of the reasons it's so good to for me to be able to come up here is it's like I got up this morning and went on the back porch and had my coffee, and I'm looking out, and I'm kinda looking at I I I remember a teacher or a a a female teaching on what men value. I remember her making this statement. She goes, men need to look out and see their kingdom, and I felt like that this morning, just walking out, and here I am at 64 years of age, just able to take in a little of what unless he's been able to accomplish with the hand of God on his life. And it's a great way when a man gets away, older guy, he's looking at his wife. He's looking at his kids. Maybe life hasn't been perfect. Maybe there's been a marriage in there where now there's been divorce and a remarriage and there's a blending of family. Maybe life hasn't been perfect. Your career isn't always giving you what you wanted it to do, but it's a great time when you get away as an older guy to kinda look at your kingdom and say, you know what? I'm okay with it. Here's what I'd like to do better. Here's where I can adjust. You can't do that when you're hitting the 9 to 5 all day long. It's hard to come up for air, but as an old guy, it's a great way to do that. As a younger guy, I would say it's a great way for you to reconnect, reconnect with your your family, re get refocused on what you're doing, what you wanna do, especially now towards the end of the year. You got 2025 coming up. What do you want your life to look like in 2025? It's a great way for you to refocus. It's a great way for you to get reenergized.

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Breathe, man. Just inhale, exhale, breathe. Because you and your generation, you're raising kids, trying to keep a marriage together, trying to build a career, and at this point of your life, you wanna build a career the right way. You guys you you got your head down. You're running. You're gunning. You're doing your best.

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It's a great way for you to be able to step back and say, alright. Let me look at my life and see what needs to be adjusted so I can go forward. So can I speak to that for a second, Dan? Yeah. You can. So but I will say, you may not want to do it for you, but you need to do it for others. And then you you're gonna be blessed and feel better and be grateful that you did it. What you're gonna say? Well, you made a reference to sitting out there and looking at your kingdom. And I had I had a similar moment in that exact spot when we took Marino up to the farm, for the first time when he was walking. It was, like, 6 months ago. And I'm looking out at the exact same thing you were looking at today, and I'm thinking, what am I gonna give him? Look at what my dad has given us. And in my mind, I was able to I I had a moment as I'm holding. I'm looking out there. I'm like, man. Papa built a building. My dad built a building and remodeled another and bought 2 homes outside of Miami.

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Two places working for places that's expanded our ministry outside of just Miami, what's my contribution gonna be by the time I'm giving it to him? And it it just it expanded my mind, and I remember one of our buddies, David Crank, would say, a mind expanded never goes back to its original size.

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And so you're not gonna expand your mind, your heart, and your world from staycations. You're not gonna make a scrapbook from your time staying at home for 3 or 4 days. You're not going to take memories with you, of of a weekend where we just sat around and didn't do much. But getting out and doing what you're doing, it it does expand it. And for those that think they don't need it, I I just wanna reiterate what you said about do it for them. Man, if we keep our wives, if our young guys, if we keep our wives boxed in to, a life that does not expand, they will grow bitter. Maybe not this year, maybe not next, but there's gonna be a day where they they grow bitter. If you're a parent, an older parent, and you're not wanting to do it, your kids will sometimes hit a lid and feel like, man, I gotta get I gotta get bigger.

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I gotta get better and I can't do that here. And one of the things I love about you and mom is you guys never limit the growth on us in any of these areas. You're constantly, even at this stage, constantly pushing us to grow and be better and really to keep up with you. And I think that's a much better gift than our life is this big. And so it it does it goes even deeper than just this this time together or this trip, this weekend, this year. It it gets a lot bigger. And so I I couldn't agree more with everything you said. Now Well, one one of the reasons one of the reasons I wanted to do this podcast, Chris, is because I know we're a role model in so many areas.

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This is an area that we need to model because people don't take time for themselves. Some think, well, look, I'm too busy to get away. Well, we all are. We are all busy, but here's what I know about people. You make time for what you wanna make time for. So this is important. Family's gotta be a value, to you. No better time. Somebody says I don't have the money for it. I don't think I ever had enough money to do one thing I've ever wanted to do. Never had enough money to build a house and buy a house, but the lord always provided and we got creative.

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Surely didn't have the money to build this place up here, the farmhouse, and buy it, but we got creative and tapped into this person and that resource and figured out a way to make it happen. We never have enough money, and especially when we were younger to get away and make the memories. Never have enough money, but, again, it's kinda like that commercial that's on TV about the whole priceless used to be on TV. Every experience cost you something this much money, that much money, but the memory of it was priceless. That's what the holidays give you when you spend time with people that you love the most. It's priceless. Great memories. Can't pay for those. That's something else maybe you're concerning concerned with, and that is maybe the family dynamics are a bit off in your family, and it's hard to be able to get away. Maybe these elections have caused you to not wanna be with family members that, maybe think differently, and maybe you're uncomfortable. Maybe it's a blended family that it's not the same blood, relatives and it's uncomfortable for you to get away, or maybe you're new. You're married into the family and you're not connecting with everybody else that is in the family. Here's what I would say about all of that. There's something called the pause button. Put a pause on your feelings for all of that and just go with the flow. Here's where I got a problem. Alright?

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I'm a control freak. Chris, you're pretty much a control freak.

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Alright? In your environment, you like to control your world. I love controlling my world, and when I give up control I almost feel helpless, but I have to when the family gets on the road, we're traveling, I have to put a pause on me. I put a pause on my thoughts.

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I put a pause on my feelings. I put a pause on having it my way. I put a pause on all of that because I want the family to enjoy the environment.

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Prior to, listen, I've tried to say to our church family during the whole election cycle, what was our life gonna look like after the election? Here's what I was thinking before the elections. I'm just not gonna fight with everybody, and I'm not gonna fight with family. We may have our differences, so be it. If you're getting ready to go on a vacay, you're planning your your Christmas, here, why don't you try something? Try to be nice at every occasion. Send complimentary texts. Ask people how they're doing, the family members that you're trying to pull together to get ready to go on your trip to that you're gonna be hanging with. Be nice. The Bible says a soft answer turns away wrath. Just speak kind, encouraging words because when you finally do get to that family event and you're with family that you may not be comfortable with, you're preparing your heart before you ever get there, and the environment is gonna be much sweeter if you just kill everybody with kindness prior to the holidays and prior to you actually spending time with people. I think it's just so important to be able to prime the pump before you ever get there, so that those issues in the family that could throw you off won't because you prepared yourself. Yeah. Well, I I couldn't agree more. And I really like what mom said this past weekend.

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You know, sometimes, if you've got enough control over a situation to say, hey, we're not gonna talk about this or talk about that. Use that control to say, hey. Let's talk about let's talk about this. And that's something that I've seen you and mom model well. Let's all go around the table and talk about what we're thankful for. And every time you start that up, dad, I'm always like, oh, this is corny. And by the second or third person, it's like, wow. I'm actually very thankful for something. And by the time you get to the end of the convo, it's like we've finished eating.

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We've eaten dessert. And you're like, wait. There's still 2 people who haven't gone yet.

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And you can't underestimate the value of going through the motions. Just putting a pause on the emotions and going in and and doing going through the motions of being together, putting a movie on, making dinner. What I love about our time up there is one of the different girls gets up and and will make dinner or make, a dessert. And to give them all an opportunity to bring what they bring to the table. It's just the most beautiful thing. And it's like, man, what could our family look like or our trip look like if we paused the emotions and went just went through the motions? Hey. Tonight, let's talk about what you wanna talk about. Or, hey. Tonight, you make this really well. Why don't you go make that? And just releasing all of that to to let everybody get involved. It it it really is the most fun we have all year. Yeah. Well, that's what we wanted to try to get across is if you're listening to our podcast today, you're thinking to yourself, how can I plan to make special memories with my family and really prioritize that during the holidays? Make it more than just Christmas trees and make it more than just big turkeys.

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Make it about making the memories, and I believe you will find yourself enjoying this Christmas season better than any that you've experienced up to this point. You know, you may feel like you're alone this holidays. It's on you. Don't stay alone. Connect with people. You may think you don't have enough fun in your life. It's on you. You can make the fun. You can make the time. You can make it a priority. These holidays should be great for you. And as we bring this to a close, I'm wondering, what pie will you be eating this Christmas or this Thanksgiving?

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I could tell you what I just did. I got a gift card from somebody for a pie. So I went online, I ordered 3. Are you ready? We're gonna get pecan, we're gonna have apple, and we're gonna have peach. And I'm probably gonna come out back home £10 heavier. We can do it. Thanks for joining us today with the family business with the Alessis. I'm Steve Alessi, and there's Christopher Alessi coming at you from the farm and at Metro. If we don't get to see you soon, have a great holiday season. You've just enjoyed another episode of the family business podcast with the Alessis, and we can't thank you enough for being a part of our podience today. Now that you've learned more about us, here's how you can join in in the family business. 1st, make sure you're following our podcast right now and download this episode so you can hear it at any time.

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2nd, think of someone you know that might need or enjoy this episode and share it with them. You'll be helping them and helping us to spread the word about the family business. 3rd, go to a lesse family business dot com and tap the ask the Alessis button. This is really cool.

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You could use it to record a voice mail comment or question, and we can add your voice to our conversations. Finally, while you're on our page, tap the reviews tab, and you'll see a link to leave a review on Apple Podcasts. We love reading your reviews, and we might even share them on the show. Thanks again for joining us, and we'll see you next time at the family business with the Alessis because family is everybody's business.