How to Move Your Family Forward After COVID | S3 E7

Steve Alessi  

Hello, and welcome to another edition and episode of The Family Business podcast with the Alessis, and today I am with my wife, Mary Alessi. 

Mary Alessi  

it is good to be here. 

Steve Alessi  

So, we are talking about family because family is everybody's business, and we're talking about family and the way that we are preparing ourselves for this new year, so, Mary, this is something, you've got some thoughts that you want to go ahead and share, so I'm going to give you the reins of this podcast, and I'm going to drink a lot of coffee, and listen to you. 

Mary Alessi  

Okay, go for it, all right, first of all, I just need to say for those of you listening, go watch the YouTube video because your hair looks really great. We're just going to say that, they need to, we need to see his hair. 

Steve Alessi  

It's a little long. 

Mary Alessi  

Looks good, I like it. 

Steve Alessi  

Well, thank you. 

Mary Alessi  

Some people lost their hair after they had COVID. I know you're gaining, you're getting more hair, what's up with that? 

Steve Alessi  

I don't know.

Mary Alessi  

You're growing more, growing more, okay, so I want to talk about something, and I'm not trying to be controversial, you know, me, I don't like conflict. 

Steve Alessi  

Please be controversial. 

Mary Alessi  

I don't want to be controversial. But I—

Steve Alessi  

Our numbers increase when you're in controversy. 

Mary Alessi  

It's true, so, we're going to talk about COVID. We're going to go there, and I wanted to talk about it.

Steve Alessi  

What variant?

Mary Alessi  

No, all of them, and those to come, because I know that when we get up when we're in our church role as pastors, we think people don't want to hear about it, like they don't want to hear about politics. They're sick of it, but the truth is, people do want to talk about it. They just can't talk about it, and we need to, because we've got to move forward from it, it isn't like politics. It isn't, it has affected us. It's affected us personally. It affects us spirit, soul and body.

And we need to talk about it, and not be afraid to, so, we can move forward, and one of the issues I think we're all dealing with, is that we might not be on the same page with our family members, I know we're not, I know from my friends, my own personal family members, we're pretty fortunate that we're almost on the exact same page with all our family. 

Because there's, you know, we just are, we kind of think the same but not everybody is. There's a lot of family members who have lost loved ones, maybe not to COVID itself, but they're not talking to each other, because of COVID, and it might be over the vaccine. It could be, you came over, and you shouldn't have. You didn't wear your mask, and you didn't have, you know, we all got COVID from you. Well, the truth is, we're that's all in our rearview mirror, or at least it needs to be, and, so, I just wanted to talk about it, I wanted to put it out there, because we've discussed this with our whole family. 

And I think it's time for us to start embracing hope over despair, and we can move forward and 2022, we have to, with a newfound sense of freedom from that fear and that shadow of COVID, and that's what I want to talk about.

Steve Alessi  

I like that, because here's something very interesting. In our line of work I share before our church family and speak, and I'm about to start down this journey this year, on helping people who understand who they have faith in. Is it the World Health Organization, the WHO, or is it God? He is who you need to have your faith in locked into, so, you have to have faith and who's it going to be connected to, but I was then going to share a little bit into the different names and personalities characteristics of who God is. 

And as I went back to look over some of my notes from the past, all of this is of course trying to get people to have faith in God and not get, so, caught up in the fear that's out there about COVID, and the uncertainty of the future. I went back to my notes. And they were in 2005, and there I'm talking about these different characteristics of God, and one of my points had to do with the all-powerful characteristic of the divine and how He can protect us. 

And one of the things I mentioned then was he can protect his from the H1N1 virus. 

Mary Alessi  

No way. 

Steve Alessi  

In 2005. 

Mary Alessi  

Really? 

Steve Alessi  

The swine flu, remember how everybody was spazzing out concerned? A lot of fear all that was going on, then, in 2005, teaching some of this material, and it's the same thing and just like we were kept and got out of that, yes, we will be kept right and get out of this season that we're in right now. So, I like the idea of that we should already be processing. What's my exit strategy here? How am I going to get out of this thing that has been thrown on us for the last year that—

Mary Alessi  

Almost 2. 

Steve Alessi  

Yeah, that could cause us to maybe be a little fearful of our future, because Mary, there's been a lot of missed opportunities in the last couple of years.

Mary Alessi  

Oh, my goodness, it's sad to rehearse. It's too hard to rehearse. 

Steve Alessi  

I think about from a sports perspective, young men and women have lost the opportunity to compete at levels in their sport, all because things were canceled.

Mary Alessi  

Right, and that's the good news, There are layers of this, that really get hurt really get hurtful, when you think about people, I'm not going to go there, we'll stay with sports, but that, it has created such a wave of after effect, where people are going to start processing now, everything they missed out on.

Steve Alessi  

And probably going to make a lot of people upset. 

Mary Alessi  

I really think oh, at the end it already is, which is why we got to talk about it, because I really feel like world leaders, and I can only speak about America, because that's where we live. But I know they're going to need mouthpieces, and they're going to need the church, they're going to need people that are filled with hope and positivity, to help us get our communities back to normal, because they talk about getting back to normal. How do we get back to normal? Well, the truth is, you can't get back to normal until people agree to get back to normal, it's going to be us, that make a decision, we want to, and we're going to, because we have to.

Steve Alessi  

So, let's just make sure people understand we are not anti-vaxxers, we're not COVID deniers, we know this stuff really occurred—

Mary Alessi  

Absolutely. 

Steve Alessi  

In the world, and it's stuff that we have to deal with. You, unfortunately, just lost a cousin a couple of years younger than you, she had cancer, she was fighting cancer, but she picked up COVID, and Sunday after you shared from the platform to bless our church family, you walked down, and there was a text telling you that your cousin had passed away. So, we know COVID is real, but how are we going to address moving forward?

Mary Alessi  

I think that, first and foremost, the most important thing is wellness, because what we've learned through this process of COVID is that, it preys on the sick, it preys on those with comorbidities, we know that, I never knew that term before COVID, I didn't even understand that I'm not a doctor. I'm not scientific in any way, I hated science, but now we know these, this language that we throw around at the water cooler, like we're experts, you know, it's hysterical, you know, all the data we've read, and the people we listen to, and those we don't listen to, and, it just creates conflict, we have to start moving away from that stuff. 

COVID, has to become something that we are respectful towards, and mindful of, but it has to be something that we realize the shadow of it, and the fear of it is just as dangerous now, if we don't move forward from it, where it is in, in our everyday language, and in our thoughts, and our responses to it, when we hear someone that is sick, that is in the hospital, we can't allow that anymore to grip us with fear and pull us backwards, and the reason that is, people aren't processing their mental health illness. 

Mental health is a big issue right now, and we know this, you don't get ulcers just because, you get ulcers because of stress, you get shingles because of stress, you have issues that start happening in your body, gut health, all of that stress related, and a lot of that leads to stress makes you eat wrong, eating wrong makes you sicker, you get heavier, now you're just in the window of real sickness and problems.

So, now you're more susceptible, so, it starts with understanding we have to be well, spirit, soul and body, so, for me, I have to operate practicing hope and not despair, I can't keep listening to the stories, I can't keep reading about it, I don't want to keep seeing people with masks on, I know I'm going to see that. And if they were on, that's fine, but for me, I have to make a mental practice to say that will not affect me and put me back in fear. 

And I'll give an example, like my mother, our mothers are older, your mom's 83, my mom's 80, and we've spent two years putting real boundaries around them of protection. And if we hear anybody's got COVID, don't go around our moms, If you need the great grandkids on my mom's side have Covid, okay, well, they can't go see grandma. Well, that means now she's in isolation, she's isolated.

Steve Alessi  

Not that we were saying that.

Mary Alessi  

No, no other family members, so, we had we have to start believing, and saying what's better for her right now, is to be around her grandchildren, because she needs them. 

And we can't keep rehearsing and practicing COVID drills, it's not good, it's like doing a fire drill every day, at some point, you're going to just start living, freaked out that fire is going to come.

Steve Alessi  

call it Groundhog Day. 

Mary Alessi  

And it is a loop of Groundhog's Day, you just keep living the same day over, and over again, the same fears over, and over again, and we have to move forward, the reason why is, because hope, and good thoughts, and positivity with or without God in the middle of it, okay, this does not even require God. 

But hope and positivity and healthy thoughts lead to better health, because it reduces stress, and we know this, all you got to do is Google it, If your stress levels rise, your cortisol levels rise, If your cortisol levels rise, you put on weight in the area that will make you sicker it leads to heart attacks, it leads to artery blocks, it leads to a lot of different problems that are worse than COVID. 

So, we need to have these conversations, and we're not laughing in the face of COVID saying, well, I'm sick, and I'm afraid, I'm tired of being afraid to COVID, that's not what we're saying, what we're saying is at some point, we have to start getting back to normal, not a new normal, because even that, you hate that. 

Steve Alessi  

I reject that. 

Mary Alessi  

You don't like the new normal thing, we're going to get back to normal, where we embrace.

Steve Alessi  

We have been abnormal for two and a half years.

Mary Alessi  

We don't need a new norm, what does that even mean now? So, now we live with this shadow forever? Absolutely, when have we? When have we moved forward as a nation, we move forward as human beings, and we get back to normal, and it's a distant memory, but I do think because this has lasted for so long, I'm sure it's after any war. 

It took people time, but they had to stop being afraid that an atom bomb would drop, they had to stop being afraid that another war would break down, or you have to start living as if that's never going to happen again.

Steve Alessi  

By the way, this is the part I like about you. 

Mary Alessi  

What? 

Steve Alessi  

I tell you all the time, when you get into these, this mode, this mindset you say things and articulated in such a great way it's wisdom, that's what you're sharing here, is wisdom on how to move forward, so, you're welcome. 

Mary Alessi  

You know, the truth is, it really is our job, we are called to bring good news, and good news isn't just, so, you can go to heaven, good news is, so, you can live a healthy life here on earth, and good news will save you. I mean, there's been people on that are sick young children on their deathbed, opening up the window and letting the sun shine and healed them, I believe that, and I just feel like it's not being unrealistic to stay in a positive place. 

I think it's life and death here right now, I think is moving towards being positive, and embracing a future where we can live free of COVID, and not be afraid, and not be at each other's throats over it. We need to start believing that again, and we need to start speaking that again, and talking that again, with grace with mercy towards others who might not quite be there, and that really kind of leads to the how parts, How do we do it?

Steve Alessi  

Do you think similar to after my heart attack? The country's in a measure of PTSD?

Mary Alessi  

Totally. Well, I can remember your mom and dad had PTSD around you for a long, long time, and I used to get upset because I needed to move forward from when I call you at the house, and you would answer me because you were out in the yard, I couldn't keep freaking out, I had to get over that, I lay that down, and your dad, your precious Italian father, you're his only son, I had to be very careful around him, because that lasted in him a long, long time, the fear of losing you, and he'd get on me, Mary, you can't let Steve drive, you can't let him go by himself. 

He can't walk, was he by himself, that lasted a long time, and I didn't even always tell you. But I had to really take authority over that a few times.

Steve Alessi  

And the country's in that place, and we'll be probably, and as we talked about family, being sensitive to the spouse because maybe the spouse is experiencing that, if they've come close to losing a loved one or have lost a loved one. The children for sure, the stuff that they're hearing and what's being put on them, the fear of the cancellation of class and schools and, you know, we thought that'd be a party at one point. 

But now all these kids are having some long term effects of all of that there is a measure that global you can't go through what we went through, a total shutdown and expect that people will not be feeling the effects of it. So, what we're trying to ultimately say is its kind of like you're just gotta I hate to use this word phrase, but pop the pimple get this stuff out. 

Mary Alessi  

Ya gotta get it out.

Steve Alessi  

And now, let's start moving to some measure of healing: spirit, soul, and body.

Mary Alessi  

And I really do like in it in some ways to a battleground, or a war that our forefathers had to fight because when the war was over, it really didn't matter what you believed the war was over, so, it didn't matter what side you fought for.

Because soldiers came back and survived those wars and had to live side by side, farmers had to till the ground side by side, and one fought for the left and one fought for the right. One fought for the south and one fought for the north, it really doesn't matter when we're trying to rebuild our lives, what side we're on, so many people, industries have been built on the negativity of COVID, not on the positivity, the negativity of COVID, people have made billions off of COVID. 

And we have to realize that what matters the most is our well-being, our own personal, mental, spiritual, health and physical, and that's all that matters right now, we really need to get a grip, that the arguing who was right, who was wrong, who gave us bad information, who mishandled this, it doesn't matter. 

Because at the end of the day, the effect is greater on all of us, not who, at the end of the day, was responsible for this, although that they'll figure that out, I know that's going to be figured out. In the meantime, we have to get back to life, we have to get back to having a healthy home, a healthy body, raising healthy kids, unmasking them, so that they're not living in fear, and we're not still fighting some fight to prove that we were right. 

It doesn't matter anymore. 

Steve Alessi  

It doesn't. 

Mary Alessi  

And the more time goes by, the less it matters, and we have to start rallying, I walked into Whole Foods with Lauren, I was telling you this, Sunday night at like eight o'clock at night, and we walked in, and here we are, there's no mask mandates, and people have been very respectful of masks. And I've wondered where does my community stand on the fear levels of even this last area that we know the hospitals aren't full, we know the numbers, but yet still people, are living in fear the majority of people in Whole Foods, and it was packed. This was the irony of it, packed wall to wall. I said Lauren, is there a storm coming? Is there a hurricane? Because there are so many people, shelves were not full. All of this is the effect from COVID. 

And it causes people to live in urgent, but the majority of people had their masks on, and I said to Lauren, I said, you know, we have an opportunity here as hope dealers don't mean to be corny, but we really do have an opportunity to help people walk through back to hope and away from despair and fear, we really do, and I think that anybody that's walking in hope today needs to step up, and just start sharing that hope, because the country, your city, your town, your family needs it, not for you to judge them, not for you to show them the latest data, not for you to tell them not to be afraid. 

But just start lovingly with mercy and grace, moving forward for their own sake and make it about them, listen, this isn't good for your health. I hope that we've equipped them with some language, because as Pastor Steve, you and I have done this over and over and over, COVID is not new to us from the standpoint of helping people get back to life.

We've helped families who've lost a loved one, you know, families it's lost everything people that have moved from other cities, because they lost everything, after Hurricane Andrew, We've had to learn and how to operate in hope again and rebuilding, so, we're equipped to do this is what we're called to do. 

So, the truth is, it's an opportunity for people to be healthier than they've ever been, happier than they've ever been, and really, live the life they want to live and need to live.

Steve Alessi  

Yeah, Mary, I liked what you're saying about hope dealers, somebody's got to step up and just keep talking positive, and you're going to be ridiculed a little for, you're going to be called different names, and made to feel as though what you're doing isn't right, but somebody's got to step up, and somebody's got to remind me of that movie that I saw recently called The Postman with Kevin Costner, and I picked up the movie, maybe a quarter of the way in. 

So, I don't know what really happened on the front end, but what I did pick up on, was something occurred in the country, and there were then these pockets of survivors all over in different regions, and this Kevin Costner was this postman that ended up coming into one of those survivors well protected communities, and they were protected to isolate themselves from whatever occurred that brought such devastation to the rest, they survived it, they thought they were the only survivors. And the whole thing was here comes this little postman and what it, whether he was or wasn't, we're not really sure. 

But he would come with letters, and then he would stand up and read these letters like it's the new survived United States, government, government rebuild, and you would read these letters to the people. 

And some of them, it was just from either the home base, or then it started to become from family members, right? He would call them out, he had acted, Hey, call out the different family. And what it would do to that little pocket as the postman came in was it would bring encouragement, yes, it would bring hope that they weren't the only ones that were surviving this news. 

And then as that happened, more people, more of the town residents were inspired by the postman, so, they then wanted to become postman, and it started to build up these ranks of postman, that would then go from these different little communities, all over the country, and it became a movement, and the whole movement was, let's bring good news to our survivors, that there's more of us that have survived, and we're rebuilding, and we're going on, then there was people that had been lost. 

And so, it was a great analogy of what we need to be for our family and our friends, the companies we lead, and work, and let's move forward. 

Mary Alessi  

Yes, and bring that to your office, bring good news to your office, I think that where we are the majority of the day is where we influence the most where are you? Are you in an office setting? Are you zooming all day long? Are you with your children? Or are you at on the school property? Wherever you are, bring a measure of hope, bring a measure of good news. 

And just the truth is, let us start with you, because we, you and I can't bring good news to someone if we don't believe it, and I believe we will get back to normal, I'm going to get there on all by myself. I made a decision for my health, I was processing the weight gain. Okay, I'm just going to be honest with you, because we had two weddings in 2021. Oh, Lord, in 2021. You and I lost a lot of weight for the weddings, and then all of a sudden, here comes… No, wait, when did we… 2020 was the shutdown? Both our kids got engaged, this is what they do to us. Right? 

And then in 2021, they both got married, and one of them now is pregnant with a little girl, and somewhere in there after the weddings, We went off the rails and put weight back on, right, and, so, I just decided all by myself, me and me alone, I have to get in a good positive space, I have to really start speaking over my life that I am going to lose this weight because all the messaging is at 53 is Oh, you can run, and you can starve yourself. 

But you won't lose an ounce because of your age and your hormones and all that, well, that may be true, so, here's the thing, I'm going to do my part for that not to be my reality. Because I want to be healthy, I want to feel good about myself, so, I have to fight hard against the negativity, but not only negativity, Steve. There's a part of me that just wants to get into it and go well, that's 50 

Steve Alessi  

Welcome to my world, grandma. It's the first time in our married life, you got to worry about your waistline.

Mary Alessi  

I have a lot of empathy for you.

Steve Alessi  

Now you have it. 

Mary Alessi  

I haven't in 30 years, but now I have

Steve Alessi  

Oh, all those years you fat shame me and guilted me─ 

Mary Alessi  

And put the french fries away from you. 

Steve Alessi  

Oh my gosh. Yes, now.

Mary Alessi  

I'm sorry, I repent, I apologize.

Steve Alessi  

 Okay. That was a rabbit trail. Now, what were you saying?

Mary Alessi  

That was. But anyway ─

Steve Alessi  

I feel better by the way.

Mary Alessi  

you feel better? I know you do, my point is that for our own sake, we have to start as individuals, we can't keep working in groups with this thing. 

Steve Alessi  

You know, by the way, it is kind of cruel. 

Mary Alessi  

What?

Drink my coffee before the show is ─

Steve Alessi  

As guys get older, our appetites change.

And ─ 

Mary Alessi  

No! 

Steve Alessi  

Yeah.

Mary Alessi  

I don't even want to talk about it.

Steve Alessi  

And we seem to get thinner, as we get old ─

Mary Alessi  

It's insanely unfair, when I get to Heaven.

Steve Alessi  

Oh, you'll blame me for this one.

Mary Alessi  

I don't get it, you diet, for five days, and lose seven pounds.

Steve Alessi  

Yeah, I'm in a competition with John Roman over here. 

Mary Alessi  

It does it matter. 

Steve Alessi  

I'm going to get my money. 

Mary Alessi  

It doesn't matter, you do it, and I lose five ounces, what's up with that? Is that funny? Well, that's right, go ahead and got sick.

Steve Alessi  

I'm not sick from COVID. 

Mary Alessi  

He's not. 

Steve Alessi  

This is laugh, cough.

Mary Alessi  

Oh, boy, unbelievable, anyway, but my point is comparing this to weight loss, with all of our areas of our life that we want to get better and move forward, it starts with us individually, and I can't get better in my health in a group. It's not what the group does, is what I personally decide to do, and that's the same thing with COVID, and moving forward into COVID free zone, which we can, and we will, and we have to believe that we can, and it's just taking those steps of starting with your own mind, in your own decision to say, it's going to start with me, and we aren't going to live in fear, we are going to start moving forward. 

And one way to do it is unfollow everybody that talks negatively about COVID and other things, just like you wouldn't keep following Tastemade and The Pasta Queen if you're trying to lose weight, you got to stop looking at food... It's the same thing with COVID, anyway, that's my rant.

Steve Alessi  

Everything you've said today, doesn't say anything good or bad about COVID? No, doesn't say anything good or bad, positive, negative about vaccines, none of that matters about boosters, none of that stuff, do you feel it's in the landscape for whatever reason right now in our society, but somebody's got to be the postman, and go out say enough's enough, we bring some good news. 

And we'll be able to get our family and my life, my family, my company, my work, all my people in my community. I'm going to get my people out of this, somebody's got to help move us forward, right? If not, we're never going to get out of it, it's going to cause us even more anxiety, yes, more stress. 

Now, some great things you can do, I think, you know, being a spiritual community, I think the local church can help you. Yes, you got to find a good local church to lock into because it can help elevate your faith a little bit more, I think you do need to stop following some people and start following some good people. You do gotta surround yourself with the right voices, helps you make right choices. 

You watch your friendship circles, don't be drawn in, don't be drawn into the debates, and whatever you have done, okay, with regard to COVID, and vaccines, own it, and deal with it. Don't be ashamed of you know, don't be embarrassed of it, don't make apologies, be who you are, this is what's so beautiful about our country, you have the right to choose how you believe, and how you feel, and what you put in your body, and what you don't force, that's it, and whatever's happened, so be it, own it. 

Go forward, don't try to defend it, don't make excuses of it, just go forward, because you've got to get yourself out of that mess, that tangled web that's keeping you kind of locked into the corner of your home, and you're not able to go out and enjoy the life you should be living.

Mary Alessi  

And the whole point to this is, it is having a tangible negative effect on your body, and on your mental health. I hate the term mental health because all of a sudden, that's all we talked about, but the reality is, it does affect your spirit, soul, and body, you will spirit is in your mind. 

And if you don't start getting a grip on it, and following through by walking out the door of all this fear, it will have a lasting effect on your body on your health, and you could have overcome COVID, and done great with COVID, but because you're paralyzed in the fear and under the shadow of it, you can start having stomach problems, heart problems, all kinds of issues, not a doctor. But I know that's true.

Steve Alessi  

No, that's good, babe. And you've mentioned health and weight earlier, hey, that's a great thing to consider─ 

Mary Alessi  

Under control. 

Steve Alessi  

After all that we've been through, it has affected those that have not been in their optimal, optimal weight, and I know round is a shape, but it's not the best shape for me, and this season, where so much of this stuff is out there that's going on. So take your health, make it a priority. It's another reminder, I've got the rest of this year to get healthy and stay away from foods that make me round and get foods that are in my body. 

And yeah, I may love to eat, but you know, I also love to live, so, life has to be a priority here, and I did something recently, just to take control of our health, we put ourselves through a little IV therapy, which is intravenous.

Mary Alessi  

You're saying it right or whatever.

Steve Alessi  

IV. Thank you. I believe

Mary Alessi  

That's IV. That is what they have.

Steve Alessi  

A therapy where we're able to just go ahead, and get some stuff washed out of our blood, we're going to have our whole staff─ we are offering this for our whole staff, so that they can get an immune booster to clean themselves up from some of the junk that maybe has been in their body, and give them a little bit more of a boost for to ward off any kind of flu or bugs that are coming their way. 

Mary Alessi  

Or just anything, the metals, the heavy metals.

Steve Alessi  

The heavy metals, so, doing all that because we're taking responsibility for ourselves and not being forced stuffing forced on us by people we're not in relationship with so hopefully today you've been able to learn something, as it is encouraged you to also move forward and let COVID, and vaccines, and all that stuff just be something, that's in the rearview mirror, but the best still await you, Martha's song, your sister song, we still believe the best is yet to come. Why don't you believe it with us and be hope dealers and be the postman, let's go forward. Thanks for joining us today.