How to Parent Your Kids Confidently Even When The Future Feels Scary (with guest Martha Munizzi) S5 E25

Mary Alessi [00:00:09]:

Hi, and welcome to another edition of the Alessis. Let me read it, make sure I'm saying it right. The family business would be a plus. No. For real. The family business with the Alessis. I am back in the studio with my twin sister Martha. That's why we're a little punchy, a little bit goofy and silly. But we had an amazing conversation in our first podcast that we did here in the booth. And I I want everybody else to know you have a podcast. Yes. -- that I was on about a year ago, I think. I think so. Yes. And we talked about raising kids raising kids in the ministry to work with you, working with your adult kids. We talked all about that. And it's funny, and it's fun, and it's longer, I think. Did we talk, like, for an hour or something? So we just kept going. We didn't just kept going. Maybe 45 minutes or something. Yeah. It's But go get that and listen to it because we do cover a lot of this a lot of stuff about that. Because I know today, we're gonna we're we're gonna try to talk some of that in this podcast, but we're gonna get off the rails because we have a lot of things. Here's some of the things we're gonna talk about in this podcast. You ready? Go. We're gonna talk about working with family. Yes. We're gonna also talk about how our young daughters and sons, the shows that they're consuming, the culture that they're a part of -- Mhmm. -- and our concern about what will happen to our grandkids -- Yes. -- what if it's bad now, What will our grandkids be up against? What will our kids have to safeguard our kids from? Right. The confidence that we need to instill in our adult children to pass on and does that work? Mhmm. Does the same things that work for us that work for our parents? Does that also work for our kids and our grandkids? Yes. So we're gonna jump into that. I got 1 more thing here. Let me see. Oh, I think I said it. And then what is the next generation saying? About their future, about what the future is beyond them. Right. Because we've had so many awesome conversations with our adult kids more and more and more because we're we're looking at the world today. And it's like, everyone you wake up, there's so much to talk about -- Right. -- because you check your phone. Right. Oh, lord. There's just so much that that you could start a conversation with your kids whether it's the latest on Justin Bieber -- Right. -- or the latest on Kim Kardashian or Kim Kardashian. Anybody. Yeah. And then what's happening in the news with whatever? I mean, it's just crazy, crazy, crazy. And our kids, we have found this next generation, our kids, are way more into the conversations. Yeah. We coulda cared less.

Martha Munizzi [00:02:34]:

News was so boring. But now -- Walter Cronkite? I know. Now if my dad had the news on, I'd be like, ugh. We don't sit outside or something. I know. But now news is not news anymore. Everything's salacious. It is. Everything has just been turned into a gigantic re reality show of the worst kind. Yeah. None of it's real. It's like the Truman show. You know, that movie that was on with Jim Carrey. I watched it the other day. That's got it's it's a light version of what our world looks like right now. We don't know what truth we're getting. We don't know when we wake up and scroll through if it's AI, if it's real, if it's manufactured, somebody created. We don't know. No. And if we're not careful And this 1 I this is 1 of the things I've told my children, and they told me I'll be real. They told me research the research. Wow. Like, you better know. Don't just repost something. Don't just get real. Yeah. Oh my god. Because it it it kind of creates and stimulates something in you that you're like, it's true. It's gotta be you better dig a little, be a researcher,

Mary Alessi [00:03:30]:

Google it, like, find out who wrote that article, and our generation is like, well, forget it. I thought it was funny. Right. I thought it was that dog didn't really die when it fell from that eagle that was 2000. It it Right. Read the story. That's not how that ended. I wish that happened to me Right. The the guy the the dog that's laying beside the casket and that's, you know, blubbering, that's that's not real. That's photoshopped, like, oh, what? Somebody's real? Hard pork is hard pork is have to look over our shoulders -- I know. -- and go, mom. Please do not post that. Don't walk take that dead dick. Down because that didn't make any sense. And, you know, we both work with our kids. You've got 3. Yeah. I've got 4. The oldest among our 7 is 31. My son, Chris. Yeah. Then Danielle just turned 30. Yes. And then Nicole is 28. Stephanie's 20

Martha Munizzi [00:04:16]:

turn going to be 26. Nathan's gonna be 26. Okay. 6 week? Yeah. That we so we had a baby every year for 7 years. We didn't we didn't I messed up my mic. I'm sorry. No. It's fine. We didn't see each other for, like,

Mary Alessi [00:04:27]:

A long time. We it was pointless to get together because it was like, what? We're just It's 7 babies, children between us. Yeah. We made 7 people. I know. 2 girls made 7 people. It's crazy. And now they're all working with us. You have a church, you and your husband have a church, and your kids are on staff. And people ask us all the time. I know they ask you, how did you do it, and how do you make it successful? Well, honestly, Today, we aren't just dealing with values on the job, work ethic. You know, we're not just dealing with, are you gifted to do your job? And Is this nepotism or not? Honestly, we don't even you know, we've figured those things out. The importance of the family unit and explaining that and that being as a role model, we understand the power of that, that it is what it is. It's not where we look like we're happy family behind the scenes, we're not a happy family. No. Right. We understand the power of presenting -- Mhmm. -- honesty, integrity,

Martha Munizzi [00:05:22]:

and we are what you think we are. I I gotta say, I think I've learned that little lot from you, but because you guys have patch her for so many years and we're just kind of up and coming pastors, But you and pastor Steve, I should say pastor Steve, Steve, the honesty and the transparency -- Yeah. -- that you guys display all the time. Like, you guys are an open book. You share things. Most people will never, in a million years, have the guts to share. Yeah. But it's your tier truth. It's the truth that makes people go, okay. If he'll tell that on himself, if she'll say that -- Yeah. -- okay. Like, even arguments in front of people over carpet, Right. You know, I would I agree that everybody has to think that we never argue and that we have to only right. We don't fight because we're pastoring. But we've conquered that. Right. But we've conquered that. And to find the freedom to say, oh, no, guys. If you think we didn't fight on the way to church today, you crazy. But we did. You know what I'm saying? And people Love it. But it sets people free because the truth sets free. But if you only create this persona of perfection, oh, they don't have the problems like I have, then that truth that you have can't get to them. No. And we and it starts with our kids.

Mary Alessi [00:06:31]:

That's what I mean. So it started at home. We've been that way with our 4 kids. Probably to to the point where they wish we wouldn't sometimes. But honesty is honesty because -- Yeah. -- 2 things. It sets you free, but it also builds confidence. You know where you stand. They know where they stand. I can't tell you how many times 1 of the girls when they all lived at home would run downstairs on a on a Sunday morning, and Steve and I would be in the room. It's still still happens, but they're they're pretty much brainwashed now. Right. But they'd run downstairs and see would go, let me see your outfit because they'd be on the platform. And he would go, Mary, talk to her. That's how it was. Because he didn't wanna have to say it. Right. Or he would tell Chris, you gotta iron that shirt, man. You're on the platform. Yeah. That does not look good. And he would fight through truths if the kids would go -- I know. -- and they get mad. Right? Well, I don't have the money. Well, let's go shopping. Right. But you're not wearing those pants. They're too tight. Right. Or that skirt doesn't look really cosec. My god. You're not a crystal meth addict.

Martha Munizzi [00:07:27]:

Don't brush your hair.

Mary Alessi [00:07:28]:

So when they were younger because we wanted our kids to be a part of ministry, and we knew part of that was presentation. Yeah. And when you're afraid to tell your kids the truth, and you think you're crushing them -- Yes. -- you really don't have any faith in your kids -- Yeah. -- that they can handle the truth. So I think that that goes beyond just working with your kids because now our kids are all grown getting married, having children, and we are watching them more and more say something that we love hearing, yeah, how much we were right. Yes. It's given them such a sense of confidence. And III say it this way. It's a bedrock. Yeah. That they stand on. It's a foundation of principles of truth that you not gonna argue with them. We've actually made, like, monsters -- Yeah. -- to some degree because they're dealing with and I say that lightly, but they're dealing with the social media eels their generation has been born with the phone in their hand and social media as a way of communicating. Yeah. And we've talked a lot about that with our kids, and our kids are teaching us because they don't want us on it that much. No. III

Martha Munizzi [00:08:35]:

know this statistic, and it's absolutely accurate. That social media is scientifically designed to make you unhappy. Yep. It's not an afterthought, oh, we didn't know unintended con consequence. No. No. No. It's designed to make you have the worst FOMO because it's always about what you don't have a widow could I have? Right. Because that's why it's monetized. Yeah. Because now that's why it's the greatest sales, you know, place that you the shopping venture that you can go on is on Instagram. That's right. People would have never, even just a few years ago, bought something on off Instagram. Now it's becoming the this second Amazon. Absolutely. You know, I mean, we've got to know when we go into these things that if we just feel bad all the time well, my my friends, kids have it, and I feel bad, and I didn't wanna say anything because I feel bad. And I know that it's not good for my kid, and they're spending too much time in their room, but I felt bad Okay. You're gonna feel crushed -- Yes. -- if you don't get over feeling bad. And I remember what you were just telling this story about Steve making the kids come down and I and if I'm if we're being really honest here, I have not always backed up Danny writes, we're gonna edit this out. Right? This could be edit this. For us? No. There's no editing. There's no editing. Okay. No. No. But there has been times where he wanted to take a bigger stand. Right. And I thought for the sake of Meltdown -- Right. -- Conflict. Don't it's not that bad. It's fine. Let it go. Yeah. And I found myself doing that more and more until a few years ago, we were all sitting in a restaurant. The 4 of us, you and Steve and and Dan and I, and there was a really big situation happening in our family, and I had taken more I knew it wasn't the direction that I wanted our family to go in. But because I thought I can't control this, no one's listening to me -- Yeah. -- I might as well just absorb it and expect it and make the best of a bad situation. That's what my thoughts were. And I remember saying that, and and Dan was like adamant we're not doing this. And I was like, yeah. But maybe we should just we can't really control it. And I remember going, Mary, talk to your sister. Yeah. Talk to your like, he was getting so agitated to me. Like, toss. I can't I don't I don't even I don't have time for you right now. And I'm so most people would have gotten up and walked out of the room. Yeah. Yeah. I am and I I knew truth when I heard it. Yes. And I thought what I'm doing is not working. My empathy and apathy towards something that is something that I have settled for -- Yeah. And not what I have said I wanted -- Right. -- is ridiculous. No. I say I'm gonna interject here. I just said this on a recent podcast.

Mary Alessi [00:11:08]:

When you parent from the position of I don't ever wanna deal with my kids when they're mad -- Yeah. -- sad or unhappy, whatever, mad or sad. Then you what you've done is you've let emotions -- Yes. -- take the lead you you take emotions in a moment that to a kid The minute they run upstairs, they're not still processing their moment. They're just mad because the kids over pair jeans or over over a shirt or over a party they can or cannot go to. And when you don't hold down and let dad be dad, if he feels it's wrong, he's their parent too. Yeah. He has a right to say no. Sometimes his moms, we are missing how our kids are formed and designed. That's right. That's why dads, sometimes they can see that the the bad part of our kids that we're blind to. Mhmm. And moms, we struggle. I know I did. I know. But I remember when Steve got in my face and said in my face and said, said, I don't want you. Chris was like 18. I don't want to see you in his room again helping him with the situation. Wow. You stay out of his room, and we've been arguing and fighting. And I I tell the truth, I thought Steve, in that moment, just wasn't talking right to Chris. Do you know what my son told me about 2 years later when his frontal lobe started to fuse and it wasn't such an idiot? Right. He goes, mom, I knew I had you wrapped around my finger. Wow. See that? And then I knocked him out, and we got up. Bryce said, why did you tell me that? No. But that that's -- No. It's true. Yeah. -- that I was being sucked into this vortex because he was mad or sad or he was feeling emotions that he needed to feel. We're actually -- -- so bad. -- softening -- No. To to deal with it. Yeah. And the light is stronger. I know. And we're softening the blow

Martha Munizzi [00:12:52]:

that needs to come. Right? We're softening something that is the 1 thing that will shape them and help them for the future. And I you know, I'm not gonna say, you know, let's bash moms. Is that what I'm saying? I'm grateful. And I think we definitely soften our husbands, and we do have to have empathy, and we do have to say, have a conversation and relate and all those things. But I think there is more of that. It's dare I say, defeminization. Oh, that's it. We're not careful -- Absolutely. -- overly feminized

Mary Alessi [00:13:23]:

when we need that strong authority, that male structure that can walk in, call it like it is. Yeah. Doesn't care, you know, let the chips fall where they may. So so let's look at this. That's not so tied into all the emotions. So the plan of God, I was a working mom, You're a working mom. I'm awful working moms. I get it. But I'm seeing more and more young women want to be home with their children. Yes. Their moms were working. They were latchkey kids. They wanna come home. Okay? I find it interesting that the original plan was mom stayed home all day with the kids saying, wait till your dad gets home. And then when dad gets home, he's only there a couple hours before the kids go to bed. Right. So you don't have an overdose of dad. You have an overdose of mom. You spend the majority of your time with your with your mom. That's right. You get these split seconds with your dad So he's gotta come in and be hard. Yeah. And you well, no. What do we say? Wait to your dad gets home. You wait to your dad gets home. You should wait. So he's the bully that's gonna come home and set everything right. And he's okay with that. And He loves that, actually. He comes in and he loves his kids. But -- Yeah. -- when we think, now we've taken that mom's out of the home all the time, dad's out of the home all the time, and we come home, and and the balance is off. Yeah. And I say that because it it's it's in the the language, and I feel like it's bleeding into our overall filtering system. Yeah. Like, we filter everything through the lens of men are too hard, women are too soft, or women need to be hard or went right. It's all these crazy lenses. And the truth of the matter is we are not being confident at home in our role. Yes. And we wonder why we're having all this issue with gender fluid, binary. Nobody knows who they are. Well -- Infusion. -- there are more single parents than there are married -- Yes. -- in fact mhmm. Fact check me. Yeah. There are more people being raised by single parents. Right. We have more and more gay couples raising children. That's right. Okay? What are the problems with that? Well, We gonna find out. Yeah. Because we know the problems that we're having with just mom in the house -- Yeah. -- or just dad in the house. Yeah. So you can you can figure it out and do it however you wanna do it. But here's what has been tested since the beginning of time. The best solution For healthy kids, the next generation, is a present mom -- Yes. -- and a present father. Mhmm. You cannot argue with that. That's right. You can try. Yep. And you can that's what you want to be. So say that's what you want, but don't mess with the nuclear family, a system that's worked. That's like saying, we decided that 2 plus 2 isn't gonna be 4 anymore. Yeah. Because we don't want it to be. Right. Right. Well, you can make it 5

Martha Munizzi [00:15:56]:

But for the processes of this classroom -- Yeah. That's right. -- and teaching the next generation, we're gonna keep it what it really is. And that's what principle living mom used to say this all the time. You build your life on principles, not on wishes and hopes. You build on principles, the foundations of the things that we know work. That's what you build your life on so that when storms come and problems come and culture shift and you're not shaped by the culture. Your your your firm. You know what's right. You know what's wrong. And so whatever whatever is thrown at you, you're not you you might be confused for a day or 2, but you go back to it. You write yourself with, I know, but I know what truth is. I know what's right. Right. I know what makes sense. And, honestly, when you when you think about social media, like I said earlier, it's designed to make you unhappy. It's always because you're reaching for something you don't have. You're reaching. And then they portray these lifestyles that how do I get that? The average person makes a million dollars a month selling, you know, some you know, a candle. You know? And then they make these beautiful videos, and we're all constantly trying to keep up keep up keep up with our jobs and and be an influencer. Yeah. And it's well, the truth is you're already an influencer. Right. You know, as a parent, as as a single woman, as a single man, the the best thing you can give society is to be the best you you can be is to know truth, to know what to to be confident. Right? Especially as single, because I I mean, our you've got 2 kids married and 2 kids single. I've got 3 kids that are single. Right. And the the kind of the stage of of life that they're walking in now. They're not dating as

Mary Alessi [00:17:34]:

as much. They're not no. They're at all, they're No. It's it's scared us. A few years ago, we were like, what in the world? We've gotta get we need 4 more young men. Yeah. And we need another beautiful girl for your son naked. Oh my god. And we started feeling like -- Yeah. -- it's not gonna happen. I mean, we we're both surrounded by a lot of single young adults. Yeah. And the fear, he was talking about being a confident single, being a confident single young mother, being confident confidence is the the most sexy thing you can have. It is. It is. You've gotta walk in confidence. And where do you get confidence in absolute truths -- Right. -- walking that. But what we have found in our old milder 2 getting married, we're learning in this culture that the same principles apply in our culture. Yes. We just had this conversation that it's so funny. They're watching love is blind. Yeah. They're watching these reality tiff TV shows about dating. And then they just look at them and laugh because we're over their shoulder going, this is stupid. This is dangerous. Right. You know? We we have no problem. We speak our mind. Our kids have gone through the process of going, you can't say that. They learned their lesson. Don't tell us what we can and cannot say. This is my house. Right. If it's true, I'm saying it. That's right. You are my kids, you're gonna hear the truth. That's right. And that's the confidence that our mother instilled in us. She still does it to you and me. Oh, yeah. She'd still go, what in the world where y'all all saying. She just and we listen to her. Yeah. She's right. Why? Because she's 81 now. She's lived double our lifetime. She's experienced things. She's been through 3 more presidents -- Yes. -- and the world on fire than we have, and she understands. She has a an a a higher perk to be able to see. She does. So when we look at our kids from this perspective of being afraid of them getting married, interestingly, mom was never freaked out about it. Never. And here she got married at 18. We got married at 19. Yeah. And we're starting to ring our hands a little bit when our kids were nobody got married at 19, and our kids -- No. -- now it's only 5. Turn to the century now. Just

Martha Munizzi [00:19:31]:

I know. Rebar, our generation, getting married. They're and who they're not Well, you know why? Guys aren't asking girls out. No. And this is the unhappy part because we bought into this social media, and I'm grateful for it. I believe There's good parts. Great parts, and and we understand that. But I believe, again, designed to make you unhappy and not just unhappy with yourself, but unhappy with your decisions. It it it makes you just feel like I you pick you pick the short straw. Yeah. Make sure you don't. So don't pick it all because you might get the you might get the and And and that's what you experience when you're, like, elementary school and junior high, not as an adult. No. As an adult, you have more of an understanding that you know, love is a decision. It is a decision, and there's good and bad and everything, and you just go, this 1 makes my heart flutter. We're 80 percent there. Let's go. You know what I'm saying? But now, it's gotta be perfection because I'm unhappy all the time. I've gotta find somebody that meets all this criteria -- Yeah. -- every single day and never has a bad day. Exactly. And so and then they're saying that, well, I think 68 percent of single men are not even dating -- I know. -- because well, a lot of it is pornography. Yeah. So they're getting their their needs met there. And then they're just scrolling, and then and then they're on all of these dating

Mary Alessi [00:20:42]:

apps and all of those websites. And so if I take a girl out that that I kinda like and she agrees to go out, and she has 1 thing I don't like. I just keep swiping. I just need to make it past the first date. They they they because they're looking for flaws. Because we know so much about somebody. So when Steve asked me out and we talked about this. When Steve asked me out for the first time, he was so clear. Hey. I like you. I wanna take you out. I was like, mm-mm. And I was not, like, in love. I was not hoping he'd asked me out. I wasn't even there. I was so young. You were dating Danny. You've been dating Danny for a while. And we went out to this Italian restaurant in Coconut Grove. And we sat down, and he made it so clear he was all into me. And I remember feeling like he is just too much. Back up. Right. And so we go to get in the car, and and I was very innocent. And he goes, can I kiss you? And I wanted to say no. I was like, no? But I went, okay. It was so just juvenile. And he kissed me, and I was like, Okay. And we got the goofball. I look back and I go, oh my god. What a goofball. He should not have given me a second -- No. No. No. He should've said okay. She's a weirdo. Here's a moron. This girl does not know because he was 7 years older than me. Yeah. And he should've done that. But he looked at the potential -- Yes. -- and he said and he'd says this, which sounds so misogynist, but it's true. It's the truth. He goes, I knew that because she all the things that were matter to me, you loved God, you came from a good family. Yeah. Mom was

Martha Munizzi [00:22:14]:

you

Mary Alessi [00:22:16]:

mama good. He goes, you're mama listen. That's

Martha Munizzi [00:22:20]:

don't be stupid, people. Come on. Don't be stupid. You better you better look. You better.

Mary Alessi [00:22:25]:

You better look couple times. There's nothing wrong with that. So then the next thing I know, he's like, let's go out. We're gonna go play golf. And we went, and he rented a golf cart and picked me up. We didn't he didn't even touch me even touch me on that day. I remember that. And we went on the golf and we giggled and laughed, and I could not hit anything but grass. Right. And he was irritated, but it was funny. And we started learning each other, and I found a friend -- Yes. -- and my attraction grew. Right. And I and I remember sitting with mom going, I'm feeling this in are you sure? And and she would say, okay. Well, here's the things about him that are good. And the next thing I knew, I had a ring on my finger. We would get married 35 years later. I know. Best decision I ever made. But his mom was not manipulating it, but she was pushing it to some degree. I could say we were prearranged. Of course, together. Thank god. I know. Thank god my my mother-in-law went to our mother and said, babe, don't tell the kids, but I had a dream. I saw Mary in a wedding dress -- Yes. -- coming down the all Mary in Steve. Yep. They didn't tell us, but they were working behind the scenes. Right. Honestly, Christopher and Stephanie, my daughter and her husband, same thing with his mom and me. Yep. We didn't manipulate. No. We just helped 2 people that in this generation are having a little bit of all time. So confidence in knowing

Martha Munizzi [00:23:37]:

the same principles work. Yes. Nothing's real. And and I'll tell you, your kids, as much as they fight that, they need that. They need it. And III always say, Be loyal to the future. Then the decisions you're making now, be loyal to the future. Don't so good. Don't diminish your decisions now because it's just easy and you don't wanna you don't want the conflict. You know what? Just like that 2 year old. Yeah. Wouldn't have said, well, I don't wanna fight that child. I'm gonna let it run out into the street. That's right. Well, no, you're not gonna do that. That 4 year old, that 8 year old, you're gonna say, I'm your parent. You do what I say. Now as they get older, you're not gonna say you do as I say. Yeah. But you still stay in that place of authority in their life until they're married. That that's 1 of the things I have learned Even with my 30 year old, I'll even tell her, put your feet down. It's like, she's 30, but get up. Stop talking like that. You know what I'm saying? Like, her mom does she still does need to wear those? I know. Is that is that really where she wear right. What is the where did you get those pants? Oh my lord. That's amazing. It looks so crazy. You know, I mean, that I mean, that's the privilege of being a mother. That's it. And and you can say things other people can't say. That's right. So don't give that away. Don't relinquish that. So let me just say, I've got a grandchild,

Mary Alessi [00:24:47]:

little granddaughter. She's a year and 1 on the way 2 on the way. K? You are right behind me. You're gonna see this. Yeah. It starts as soon as they see these devices now. Oh, okay. And our kids watched Veggie Tales. We were very protective of what they watched. Right? So when we're talking about being a confident parents being strong, not giving into the culture, not feeling like you have to. Helping your kids. Don't stop helping them because they reach a certain age. Steer them around things that are good for them and not good for them. And don't be afraid to speak up and say, that's just ridiculous. If you don't like the word stupid, fine. Right. Just say, I think you should rethink that. Yeah. If that helps you, gentle parent her. Right. But you set the culture in your home and your kids know you love them. Right? Because you you you come back with a lot of love. Or that's dangerous. Don't even look at that. Right. Don't go out with that young man. He is not for you. You have a right as a parent to speak up. Yes. That is your right. Now once they get married, you shut your mouth in a business. That's right. But I can tell you starting over again with a 1 year old. Now more and more, we see it is the the intent of the world right now. And the evil world is to infiltrate them as early as babes because there's shows on YouTube. YouTube we didn't even have YouTube. No. Now YouTube. I don't leave my TV on. I turn it off because I never know what video's coming on next. Yeah. I told Steve, when my grandkids are at my house. And the reason I'm say I'm going here is because we truly believe the same values that work for our parents, that worked for us. Yeah. It's not about how bad the world is. It's about the parenting styles and the values of mom and dad -- Yes. -- that you hold fast -- Yeah. -- and you don't Give into the culture because your friends kids like it. Yeah. So now there's a show on TV. I'm not gonna name all the shows, but there's a YouTube channel of a young lady. That is, like, 700000000. It's it's crazy how many people watch, and it's for babies and toddlers. Yeah. I'm watching this with my 1 year old. And when I tell you The minute she sees it, it's like she's hypnotized. If I wanted her to be at my house and sit on the couch and watch it for an hour, as a 1 year old, while I did something else, she would sit there literally hypnotized. It's cute. It's funny. It's teaching her how to speak. There's a lot of good content. It's phenomenal contribution to a baby's development. It is still bake. It is not real. It's not a real face. But I am noticing as we're watching these videos, there's there's a whole lot of LGBTQ imagery, not necessarily dads and dads moms. I don't know what you mean. I don't know. But there's pictures. There are people that are just quickly, you don't know what gender they are. Right. And I called my daughter and I said, you've got to make a choice. She's 1 year old. Yeah. She's a year old Martha. Wow. So here's the thing. The principles don't change. You just gotta start earlier now. Yeah. You've gotta shelter your children. You've got to say,

Martha Munizzi [00:27:52]:

if you see something that you know is intentional -- Yes. -- to help shape their minds, turn it off. That's right. Be present. Yes. So the the truth is it's just more dangerous now. It is. It's a lot more urgent. Same principles apply. But you gotta be a lot more intentional. You do. And I I think about, you know, what our kids were watching 20 years ago -- Yeah. -- 22, 23 years ago, And we there was a show called Gullah Gullah Island that was our kid's favorite. And it was school bus. Oh my gosh. There were just so many great things you would have never even thought that would have infiltrated. It was So you'd leave the kids alone. You could that could've don't come after the kids. Right. Exactly. And I I think some people feel as if, well, it's gonna get bad, but I'll be able to monitor. I'll be able to and people will be outraged. Everybody will be outraged if it goes to this degree. When I think about what 20 years, how our world has radically ramped up shifted in a way and I I would have thought it would take 50 years to do where we are or if ever, where we are with the language which is being pushed on our children, the agenda is being pushed on our the the, you know, just III wanna be able to live in a world where nobody knows who is what and is transhuman. Yeah. You know, everybody's just can be whatever they want to be. It's so anti creation at God. But that's what it's going away from. People can see. If we think that that same the same people that are kind of asleep at the wheel now won't be asleep at the wheel in 20 years -- Yeah. -- when -- Oh my gosh. -- is 20, looking back on what she like -- Right. -- what our children are gonna be left with. Right. And this is why we can say, well, is this gonna happen? What can we do? No. We we keep talking. Keep speaking. Keep pouring that into your children. Don't this is why we say don't be shaped by the culture. Right. Don't be shaped by the culture. The culture is always changing. It's changing, and it's gonna lead you down the wrong path. Like, even with Instagram, use Instagram as the tool that is designed to be, and then turn it off. And get books and read books to my kids. I I will say -- Madonna, I'll just say this really quick. Madonna, when she was raising her little kids you know what she said? I don't let my kids watch TV. Unbelievable. How many celebrities? I don't let my kids well, you let my kid you poisoned a lot of kids. You poisoned all these kids, but, yeah, you know the power of this and you okay. That's all I needed to hear. No.

Mary Alessi [00:30:06]:

I'm I'm unplugging. I'm unplugging. And there's so many great alternatives for your kids that they can watch. But the truth is, It's not only designed to make you sadder and more emotional. This is this is designed to to really hypnotize you. It is. Because we all all of us fight it. And I see Diana, and there's some things and I I gotta say this. I know we're getting overtime just a little bit. But something hit me the other day. And I know it's cute and funny, but these phones have filters. You could be a cat. You could be -- Yes. -- a dog. I know what you're gonna say. -- sad face. You'd have happy face. And there was a a video of a little 2 year old going, no, mommy. No. I don't like it. I don't like it. And it was it was funny, and it went viral because she put the sad face on the little girl. And I thought, we have so much dysphoria right now where it's women are getting their faces done and redone and an eyebrows put on, eyebrows taken off, bodies changed, and now the gender dysphoria is all time crazyville. Yeah. Don't put a filter on your child. And if you're kid, your daughter, I'm I'm gonna say this. Say it. Because right now, this is important, is 12 and younger. Don't let her wear makeup. Don't. I agree with that. I do not let her wear makeup. Don't let her put those filters on her face because it sends a message to her brain that she is not emotionally capable

Martha Munizzi [00:31:29]:

to handle. We wore thick glasses. Most of us did -- Oh, man. -- braces. And we're letting little girls put these 4 years all over. I know. Don't let them see themselves in a full face of men. Or even back a few years ago, 1 of the filters that came out on what it was before TikTok. 1 of the filters that came out, I wanna say on Instagram, was changing your gender. What I what would I look like as a man? I remember Nicole, 1 day, we were sitting around the couch, and she was, like, 5 4 or 5 years ago, and she changed her the filter to make herself a a man, and everybody in the room was like, delete that right now. Yeah. There was something about it that was like, that's dangerous. It is sinister. Yes. She's like, what are you talking about? It's cute. I said, it is not cute. Delete it. That's right. And then to think 4, 5 years later where we are right now,

Mary Alessi [00:32:15]:

We've been set up. We have. We've been set up. And I I would say to moms and dads that when you feel that feeling -- Yes. Don't do that. -- questioning. I don't oh, but I don't wanna be that person. I don't wanna be judgment. I don't want people to think I'm -- Yeah. Who cares what people think you are? Who cares? -- people. Know. I wanna list of the people you're thinking about in your mind right now. Right? People you don't know? Right. People at work? Who cares? You gotta raise your kids. So don't don't stop in your tracks from doing something that is protecting your children and you feel that in your gut feeling -- Yeah. -- because of what people will think about you. There's somebody going, I wish somebody would stand up. I know. And if they did, I would. I know. And then when you do, they do. Oh my gosh. Yes. And and that's where we're at right now. The more voices that are speaking truth,

Martha Munizzi [00:33:02]:

then that that whatever that sinister plot is, can't infiltrate,

Mary Alessi [00:33:07]:

it will because it's just the way the world is, but we can't use it as well, that's how the world is. Well, the thing is -- -- how the world that's how culture goes. Okay. But this is how we go. But when you give it over under those pretenses, I don't want to because I don't want people to think. We will eventually and I don't wanna get into politics, but we just watched the documentary on Norway. Yeah. Okay? And what is happening in that country? And if you haven't, go look at it. They are separating families. Yes. Spanking is illegal. Yeah. And if anybody went and said, I saw you in a restaurant and you took your child who was biting your other child and moved them away, the government can come in and take your child. And not only can, they do, and they will remove your child. How did they get there? How did they get there? They changed the minds slowly but surely -- Yes. -- of parents -- Right. To where the government knows better than you. Right. And if we don't stop that in its tracks, it might not be the government in America, but it's the media or it's social media. Or it's people around me or it's people at school. Then I don't give up your authority. Don't the Bible says it. Don't cast away your confidence. Right. Right. Stand in the confidence and the authority that you have over your children and know what's good for them and what's not good for them. And be okay to be the mom that makes your kids mad because you make them turn things off or you don't let them watch the things. It the principles don't change. That's the point. Yeah. From our generation,

Martha Munizzi [00:34:33]:

to Gianna, my 1 year old. And then I I am at the stage where and I'm gonna say it. I'm just gonna say it. Say it. We're we're in we're in a place now. That we have to stand up against and believe what we believe -- Right. -- no matter who who in the White House is saying whatever they're saying. I mean, our our president said right before he was elected, he stood on a town hall and said, as a woman, raise your hand and said, what do I do about my 9 year old who wants to transgender? Who wants to to transition. And he said, I would remove every limitation, any restriction, any child should be able to get whatever they feel like they need. And so that same thought process, that same language of abortion, people should be able to do what is right for them. Yes. And that the doctor and that person knows, now we've moved it into the so it's so slick. Yeah. And now it's like this person with this child, they should be able to do what their parent, what they feel and their doctor thinks it's right for them. So it's removing all of these absolutes. It's removing all of these

Mary Alessi [00:35:36]:

but we know, specifically, that's not gonna work. It doesn't matter. Whatever you feel, whatever you want. It's it's We have voices screaming. Don't let them do this. I did it. I transitioned. And I hate my life. And it's hell and it the people around me should have stopped me. Yes. That my doctor should have stopped me, and I can't transition back, and life is so hell. Well, we can't listen to them. Right. Whatever my 9 year old, if he wants to be a cat, he can be a cat. Yeah. And that's where parents have to be strong enough to say, okay. The world can get as crazy as it That's right. But in our house, we're not gonna get crazy. I wanna say this too because I think it's it's important for listeners. It's important for moms and dads to understand this. But the the drag shows that are being propagated, and and we see all these Hollywood celebrities, all you have to know is this. What's being fought for. Drag shows have been around for decades. Yeah. Decades. Yeah. Back in our dad's day, they would have comedic shows. That were funny and that were men would dress as women. It was funny. They weren't women. They were dressed up at they were Right. They were just up as women. They were men dresses, and it was a comedy. Right. Okay? How many black actors to be famous had to be a woman -- Yeah. -- in a movie to be funny. Okay? That's a whole another thing. Right. And they hated it. Right. But we're not talking about accepting drag queens. We've accepted drag queens. Right. We've got drag queens doing drag shows here in Miami. For years and years, it's been a thing. Stop a second. Right. And think. Mhmm. Drag shows 4 kids. Right. I took Gabby at 4 on a Disney cruise. Captain Hook came around. The little mermaid came around. Yeah. She screamed. Bloody murder. Right. What makes parents think that kids will not be terrified and traumatized to see a 6 foot 4 man in drag He he looks scary. Yeah. Terrifying. He's scary. How in the world are we staying quiet on that part? If you if kids are in the mix at all. Yeah. There's an issue. So let's just look at the argument. Drag, shows for kids, babies, children, toddlers. What in the world? -- just drag shows. But why? Not not just overly sexualized for no reason. So can we have and we've said this. Why aren't we taking our kids to strip clubs? Yeah. Can we have strip teas for kids? Right. Why aren't we accepting women who are being

Martha Munizzi [00:38:02]:

what's the word? Sexualized. Yeah. Why isn't that okay? And and that and that's this is why, Mary, that could the swarming that question. You can't because there's it's called confusion and chaos. Yeah. And it's all we just want it all. We wanna be able to do whatever we wanna do without you saying it. Anything. This is why what you said and what we started at this the top of this show podcast with, don't throw away your confidence. Yes. Because the world's gonna get worse. Yeah. When we have leaders of the free world that are not even taking into consideration what they're saying. No. And they're just whoever you vote for, whatever, they all do it. To some extent. Yeah. Now at this stage of our life, okay, whatever. It's not a political issue. This is about what's being propagated onto our children. What's being said at the highest level. Yes. And laws and and legislation is being passed. And and laws, you know, laws don't even have to pass. It it's in the language of the call sure. That's right. It can be it's not against the law, but it's in now I feel pressed to to go that way because I went to my doctor and I filled form, and there's all these different now genders I've got. So it's in the language. You're not gonna get it out. No. You're not gonna get it out. So you have to know that where you're going, what you believe, you better stand steadfast. Yeah. Yeah. And and, no, you're doing right. This is what I told our mothers on Mother's Day. I said if you if you are working and loving your kids and raising your kids and feeding your kids and teach and bring it into church, you are a hero. You're doing right. Yeah. You're better than the majority of people out. Yeah. You're doing a great job. They just cry. No. You're doing a great job. Yes. Your kids love you. And and and Just stay in that. Stay confident. Stay true to what you know. And it's a great place to end this podcast because we went over again. Oh, boy. Who

Mary Alessi [00:39:44]:

thought we wouldn't. I don't know. Whoever The person behind the booth thought we would stick to 30 minutes. I mean, Ashley was like, I didn't. That's their bad. Danielle's in there. She clapped. She didn't hear what she said about her. Uh-oh. She did. She said she heard it. It was all good. And

Martha Munizzi [00:39:58]:

thank you, Martha, for coming in here. This was fun. She was on the way. -- regular. What we should just do is just put, like we don't even need cameras. We just put microphones on. Oh, that would be Wherever we are, we're just, like, hitting tourists. No. That would be bad. We would be bad. We would canceled.

Mary Alessi [00:40:10]:

We would be canceled. So thank you for listening, watching wherever you are today to another episode of the family business with the Alessis. Thanks. So much. Thanks to Martha for being here in the studio with me. So much more to come. Make sure you share this podcast with everybody. Have a great day.

Chris Alessi [00:40:26]:

You've just enjoyed another episode of the family business podcast with the LSCs, and we can't thank you enough for being a part of our podcast today. Now that you've learned more about us, here's how you can join in in the family business. First, make sure you're following our podcast right now and download this episode so you can hear it at any time. Second, think of someone you know that might need or enjoy this episode and share it with them. You'll be helping them and helping us to spread the word about the family business. Third, go to a lessee family business dot com and tap the ask the Alessies button. This is really cool. You could use it to record a voice mail comment or question, and we can add your voice to our conversations. Finally, while you're on our page, Tap the reviews tab, and you'll see a link to leave a review on Apple podcast. We love reading your reviews, and we might even share them on the show. Thanks again for joining us, and we'll see you next time at the family business with the Alesis because family is everybody's business.