Tension at the Table? How to Steer Clear of Politics at Family Christmas Celebrations | S7 E15

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
They're offended by politics. They're offended by the Bible. They're offended by your behavior, your words. An insecure person is always gonna be offended. Yeah. Hello, and welcome to another episode of the family business with the Alessis. I'm Steve Alessi here with my wife, Mary Alessi, and we're talking about family because family is everybody's business, especially during the holidays. So we don't like to date our recordings, so we're trying to be as sensitive as possible.

Mary Alessi:
But on these last couple of recordings, what we're doing is we're talking about family and Christmas. Yeah. And we've just come out of Thanksgiving. And Thanksgiving was just a couple of weeks after we just had a huge election in our country. So today we want to talk about what do we bring to the table at Christmas? Yeah. When we get together with our families, and there's still the political tension that is out there.

Steve Alessi:
Right. I

Mary Alessi:
think it's important we talk about because what we cannot allow to happen is politics to ruin this wonderful Christmas holiday and this new year. What are we doing, Mary?

Steve Alessi:
Well, you said the word tension. There's a lot of tension. And regardless of whether you're side won or lost, you you feel some kind of way about it. And family, we all need to learn how to prioritize family and protect family from politics, from anything that would divide us because family's all we've got.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
And whether it's blood family or even maybe your church family, you gotta protect that above all else. You know, my mom said something when we were together this past month. She goes, you know, regardless of who won, we as Christians can't rest and exhale and think that we can put our faith in any government still or any elected official. Our faith and our trust and our peace is in God. So when we let the results of an election, regardless of what side you're on, make us feel like, wow, our team won and, or things are gonna change now. And it's gonna be such a good season because we fought and we won. You see? We're the we're the winners. That competitive spirit that we as Americans have, it really can create a division in in the hearts of the people that we love the most.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. And at the end of the day, the people that matter the most are the people that are gonna be there for you. And that's your family members. So if we can strive to leave politics at home, leave politics on the back burner, let's not mix that in with our holiday celebration when we're around our family. And I know it's hard. It does definitely does take self control, because we're all so stinking opinionated.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
And everybody wants to say something. We all love I told you so whether we believe it or not. We do. I told you so. I knew we would win. I knew the jig would be up. I knew they'd be exposed as liars and they okay. Whatever.

Steve Alessi:
Whatever regardless of what you believe and what side you're on, the results are the results. Let's preserve family.

Mary Alessi:
Mhmm.

Steve Alessi:
Because of the word you said, the tension.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
And you say this all the time, and it's so true. Don't let a temporary leader have a long term effect on the people you love the most. Those people are gonna be in your life until right before your funeral, and they'll be at your funeral. The president that's in the White House right now, he's only gonna be there for 4 years for sure, maybe 8. Don't let that person or that party divide you from the people that you love and you need the most. Mhmm. And it's true.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah. We are we're we're at that place where we're able to see the power of our government.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
Our democracy, the way that our forefathers had our country set it up. It was brilliant because it does help keep us balanced, for to to not go one way or the other that one political party represents. There's there's, there's something good in the political parties that represent our country. First off, humanity in itself, all Americans, you cut us, we're gonna bleed red. Right. That in itself just shows our humanity. You could sit across the table from somebody that you don't know and you get to meet them in a coffee shop, string up a start up a great conversation. And, if you if you didn't talk politics, you probably have so much more in common

Steve Alessi:
That's so true.

Mary Alessi:
With that person as a American just because they are American. Right. You can find out, you know, where they were raised, what neighborhood they were raised in, what schools they went to, and you can have so much in common.

Steve Alessi:
Yes, you can.

Mary Alessi:
And then all of a sudden, politics enters the picture. And it's like the moment politics come in, everything that you thought you had in common is now lost. Yeah. And now you're more divided than ever. I mean, I'm doing business with a guy in town here and, great guy. We get along. We used to coach together our kids in, football when Chris was a young kid, and I'd be out there, soccer or T ball. We started coaching together with T ball.

Mary Alessi:
We have so much in common. This is a 30 year relationship that I have with this guy. So all is cool. We get on the phone. We talk. We joke. We run into each other at different places. You know, we used to work out together at the gym.

Mary Alessi:
So we always had a good conversation, and everything's been wonderful. I walk into his office, and I see that he has pictures of himself with different, presidents that don't necessarily represent the party that I vote for, I vote along with. Right. And I find my I find myself all of a sudden mentally going in the wrong direction. Right. And I've gotta correct myself. Right. Wait a minute, man.

Mary Alessi:
Just because he supports the the opposing party, the opposite party, doesn't mean that he and I don't have kept be buds. We can't continue this great relationship. I'm gonna let that picture of him shaking Clinton's hand. Right. He doesn't know Clinton. He just happened to do business, baby. I'm gonna let that picture of him with a democratic president interrupt my relationship with him, even a business relationship with him

Steve Alessi:
Right.

Mary Alessi:
That has been blessing and a benefit to me. I'm a let that get in the way all because I may be a republican. Right. That's ridiculous. Right. So I have to talk myself out of that. And I think I'm a pretty balanced guy Mhmm. When it comes to things like this.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah. I think I'm pretty balanced, but even I had to catch myself. And I guess what we could try to get across to our audience today is this. Yes. We all are pretty passionate about our political leanings, but we've gotta correct our mindset. Yeah. It cannot create division amongst people that we have relationship with. We can't create division with our or tension with our family and and and our friends.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. Yeah. I I think too, it's it's so important for us that call ourselves Christians to not be well, to check ourselves if we are more passionate about our politics with our family members and what who they voted for rather than whether or not they serve God.

Mary Alessi:
Mhmm.

Steve Alessi:
And we don't make a thing about going to our families our family member's house that doesn't go to church, doesn't believe in God, doesn't even mind talking about it.

Mary Alessi:
Right.

Steve Alessi:
But yet that they don't believe in God. They might be agnostics or atheists, and they say things about God that aren't that we don't agree with, or they don't live the life that we live. And they they vocally talk about the things they do that are the antithesis of what we believe as Christians, and we just ignore it. We just blow it off. He's whatever. He's not a Christian. And we're not passionate about that. It doesn't convict us.

Steve Alessi:
It doesn't cause us to be defensive of God. That's my thing. We'll defend a political party more than we'll even defend Jesus. We won't even we won't even get offended for God. Right. But we get offended for the opposite party.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
I think we've gotta really check that because politics is not God. God is God.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
And when we put politics and the ability to get so angry Right. That we can't let something go. And even at a holiday time, the holidays, the time that's so precious, you only get this once a year, that we're gonna let whoever is in the White House right now that may or may not do what they promised. They're our employee. We're not theirs. We don't march to their drum. They march to ours. And we can't even get in agreement about that

Mary Alessi:
Right.

Steve Alessi:
With our family member. We've gotta be contentious and fight and argue or friends or family. And if we do call ourselves Christians, we gotta knock that off

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
Because that that does not represent the kingdom at all in any way, shape, or form.

Mary Alessi:
Right. Well, I will tell you, there's something out there called Christian nationalism, which more or less wants to declare that America is a Christian nation. Right. And America, as much as we as Christians, want to hold on to the wholesome, biblical, what we believe were truths and principles that's that came from our bible when our founding fathers started our country. The truth of the matter is it was not established as a Christian nation. You know, Israel is considered a Jewish state. Right. America is not a Christian state.

Mary Alessi:
No. What's beautiful about America is you can come to our country and you could be whatever religion you wanna be, and you can practice your religion here. And we may not agree with that. We don't agree with animal sacrifice, because we see the the santerias in South Florida coming and sacrificing animals in their pagan worship. Okay. We we don't believe in that as a Christian. But you know what? You're in a country Yeah. That you have the freedom of religion.

Mary Alessi:
So you have a right to do it. So we can't say that America is a Christian nation. Right. What we are called to do as Christians is to share our Christian faith with as many people as possible to help the individual establish their life on what we believe would be a relationship with God. But that's not something that you can, politicize. You can't run just based on Christian principles alone, Mary. No. You you you what are you gonna do for the person that's not a Christian?

Steve Alessi:
That's right.

Mary Alessi:
Because we're all Americans. So I guess what I'm I'm coming down to is this. As Christians, we would want our political leaders to adhere to Chris Christian principles as much as they can. But for those that don't, we can't make them our enemy. Right. We are told to pray for those

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
That are in authority. Now do we believe righteousness exalts a nation? Yes. And we're gonna do our best to raise up Christian men and women that have Christian biblical values helping them make their decisions about politics and policies. But if they don't, we can't demonize them. No. And what I'm afraid has happened today is one side has taken this whole Christian nationalism thing to an extreme, and they wanna take people like you and I who are Christians, who do believe in Christian values being best for humanity, just because we say that they want to make us Christian nationalists. Right. And paint us with a brush that is not who we are.

Mary Alessi:
The other side to that would be, and I don't wanna lose my train of thought here, so stay with it, Steve. You gotta stay in this.

Steve Alessi:
Let's do it, babe.

Mary Alessi:
The the other the other side to that is that if you're not a Christian, then we may see the good values that you have and choose to vote for you because some of the values of others that are extreme, that go contrary to what we believe are, our our Christian values, like protecting life in the womb Mhmm. We would we would say to that person that closely resembles ours, but maybe may not be a a Christian, we're gonna favor you in this position because we have to really work at preserving some of the values for the next generation, and we can't afford to allow those values to be anti god.

Steve Alessi:
Well, yeah. There's people that don't call themselves Christians that have the same values as Christians too. That's what you're that's what you're Right. You're getting at. There's there are people that don't go to church, don't call themselves Christians, would never identify as a Christian.

Mary Alessi:
Right.

Steve Alessi:
But they are anti abortion. Mhmm.

Mary Alessi:
So so we're not a Christian nation? No. Because even people that are not Christian can make great decisions for our government,

Steve Alessi:
for our Right.

Mary Alessi:
Our country Right. That may not be Christian.

Steve Alessi:
Well, and if you look at the the statistics, Pew Research has done the statistics, a very small majority, minority of of Americans go to church. Mhmm. So but yet, here we are. In our country. In our country, Roe v Wade was was appealed, was turned over.

Mary Alessi:
So back to the states.

Steve Alessi:
Wasn't all was pushed back to the states. Yes. But not all it can't be all Christians that made that happen.

Mary Alessi:
Right.

Steve Alessi:
Because there's not that there's not as many people anyway. Yes, you make a good point.

Mary Alessi:
So so I all of that to say this, you're then going to come to the table with other Christians that may be your family.

Steve Alessi:
Right.

Mary Alessi:
And because you have different political opinions, you're you're gonna be divided. You're gonna bring tension.

Steve Alessi:
You're gonna

Mary Alessi:
bring chaos. Yeah. Yet, we're we're voting for people that don't even share our same Right. Faith.

Steve Alessi:
Right. That that's just not right. No. Our faith is what unites us. And we stand on that. It's not the political pundits that are out there in in the news today. Because the truth is, there's so much out there that we are listening to that isn't based in fact, that may be true for today, but it won't be true for tomorrow. So when it's temporal and it's not sustainable, why even allow your passions to get stirred up in that? Just make sure that what matters the most to you, what you keep top of your value list are the things that are sustainable, are the things that are going to outlive us, like your values.

Steve Alessi:
And so many people get can easily get swayed in their emotions, in their feelings, and they've got to prove their point. It's that competitive nature. But it does more damage than you realize, and you can't undo some of those things.

Mary Alessi:
Here here's something else that I worries me. Some take this to such extremes politically. Yeah. When you're willing to allow it to divide relationships, you've made politics an idol.

Steve Alessi:
Yes. So true. You've made it an idol.

Mary Alessi:
You put it. It's on the throne. It's on the throne of

Steve Alessi:
your life Yes.

Mary Alessi:
That you're willing to sacrifice sacrifice good healthy relationships over.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. Well, we we've said this. We've said this a lot over the last 8 years, you and I, in processing all of the political unrest we've experienced as a nation. The last 16 years, there's been a lot. But we've said this, it's exposed in many, many hearts, and we've watched it as pastors who has put politics over God. We've seen it. We've watched it based on their reactions. COVID was a great example.

Steve Alessi:
And this podcast, we're saying things we can't say on Sunday. So the truth of the matter is, it has exposed a lot of the hearts of believers, so called believers, that it exposed where they put their trust. Mhmm. The trust was in government. The trust was in whoever was in the White House at the time.

Mary Alessi:
Mhmm.

Steve Alessi:
The trust is in man and not in God. And we would tell our kids over and over again, and we try to preach this when things would look dire and difficult and well, this is this is a little scary situation. Koba is an example. Okay. We put our trust in the Lord. Mhmm. Our trust is in God. Our trust is not in who's in the White House.

Mary Alessi:
Mhmm.

Steve Alessi:
But we watch so many Christians, even people in our world and in our sphere, that were just rocked.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
And some people left the faith. Yeah. But what it exposes is don't call yourself a Christian and put your trust in man. If you're so upset about the results of an election, you've really got to stop and ask yourself, okay, is politics my God? Mhmm. And I hope that upsets somebody.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
I hope that challenges somebody because that's the truth. Yeah. That's the absolute truth. If politics or the way the election went has you up at night, I don't care what side. I mean, we've won. We've lost. It goes back and forth. It's like a ping pong game.

Steve Alessi:
But the the truth is the truth no matter what. Our trust is in God. Our trust is not in the government. The government's gonna change. Things are gonna look good one day and they're gonna look bad the next.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
But what never changes? Mhmm. And that is our relationship with God.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
And if you call yourself a believer, if you're really a believer, you have to believe that. That's your foundation. That's where your hope is.

Mary Alessi:
Mhmm. Now we do need people in the political realm out there in the public that are standing up for biblical values. Yes. We we need to do that. So we want to see a generation of people that would get into politics that have Christian values. We want that. Right. We need that.

Mary Alessi:
We just can't leave it up to those that are anti god. Just get out there and start making all these policies. However, on the way to doing that, we just can't demonize people that have a different political opinion. And if you're gonna get ready to get to the holiday table and celebrate a beautiful Christmas, which is the birth of the son of God, Jesus' birthday, then you're gonna have to prepare yourselves now for that encounter. Yes. I would suggest you do this. I would suggest a week before Christmas, you get off of all social media. If you're following all of these political pundits, these leaders, Just get off.

Mary Alessi:
That's really true. And you know, if you detox a little from that, when you get ready to go back to it, maybe you'll hear things a little differently. Yeah. It's true. Because after a while you get away from slinging mud, You get away from fighting. Yep. The peace that you

Steve Alessi:
experienced from

Mary Alessi:
all of that, once you get back into it, you're like, I don't want that tension in my life. I don't want that stress in my life. I can't you know, you and I can we get up in the morning. We have our our little schedule, and, you're prone to be on social media more than I am. When we look at each other's feeds, they're kinda cute. Yours has to do with makeup. Yours has to do with clothing. A lot of it is food, prep, all the things, decor, and so on.

Mary Alessi:
And then there's some politics. Mine is sports, especially hunting. Mine's gonna be automobiles, athletes, Christian athletes. I love those kind of deals. And then you're gonna see some politics. And what's so nuts is you and I could be watching television after a great night of sleep, and then one of us start looking on our feed. And for some reason, man, politics wants to be the first thing that pops up. Sure.

Mary Alessi:
And if we go down that rabbit hole, then we could get so deep into it.

Steve Alessi:
Absolutely.

Mary Alessi:
That we start feeling that tension immediately. And we're

Steve Alessi:
on the same page.

Mary Alessi:
Oh, yeah. I start feeling it immediately. Absolutely. Because that stuff is almost like a spirit. Yeah. It pulls you in. And if it's divisive, you better believe it's a spirit. Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
So I would just say if you're gonna go to the holidays and you're gonna be spending time with certain family members that have different political, views than you do, detox yourself a week prior. Stay off social media. Even watch what news outlets you're listening to. Yeah. Just watch it. What be careful that you're you're not getting too much of that stuff in your head because it gets in your heart. When you show up. If that's all you can talk about, I'm afraid you you are you're intoxicated with politics.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. It's a drug.

Mary Alessi:
And Sure. And you should be able to talk about something else. Yeah. So start thinking in advance. Right. Let me put a pause on it so that when I show up, I I don't have that look. I'm not ready or or I'm ready to attack anything that my sister-in-law or brother-in-law or mother or father may say or no. You don't wanna do that.

Steve Alessi:
No.

Mary Alessi:
And and you will you will be a bigger gift. You wanna give a good gift? Give a great gift of a happy self. That's not gonna allow politics to ruin the holidays because somebody's spending a lot of money for you to be there at their house. Somebody is gonna work real hard to get the dinner ready. Absolutely. And you you shouldn't, excuse me, screw it up Absolutely. Because you're coming politically to the table, and you're gonna stir it up with them.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. It's just not it's too hot of a topic to let it ruin the holiday.

Mary Alessi:
Convince them to change their mind.

Steve Alessi:
Nobody's gonna change their mind.

Mary Alessi:
Nobody's gonna change your mind.

Steve Alessi:
Nope. That's it. That's it. So so why do it? There's no reason to you know, I think when we all apply a little self discipline and self control to ourselves, instead of pointing the finger at that uncle or that brother-in-law that's just so stupid, they don't get it, they're on the opposite side, all those things we process can't believe they believe it. They're they've been lied to, and I've got to prove to them that they've been lied to. We're no different than they are.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
When we give into that, people need to see themselves when they're on that that, wheel of I I'm gonna stir it up, and I'm gonna show you that you're wrong and I'm right, and I can prove it to you. Read this article and I can prove it to you. Watch this social media post and I can prove it to you. You know, all these stupid facts that we think we have, the joke's on us anyway. And the sad thing is, Steve, in 3 or 4 years from now, nobody's even gonna remember what we were arguing about. We're gonna have a wedge between us that's driven so deep and it's family, and we can't even really remember why we were so mad. And unity is way more powerful than division is. And we have to focus on what unites us other than what divides us.

Steve Alessi:
And I know. I get it. There's that sense of self righteous anger. They're wrong, and they need to be shown that they're wrong. No. They're they're you're not gonna show them. You're not gonna show them. So lay it down.

Steve Alessi:
Let it go. Look for peace. Look for unity with your family member, and you'll be so grateful. You know, if there was one time that the nation probably really could have been divided families were divided, really tragically divided. It was that year of COVID when families were not even getting together. And I we had family church members tell us, I couldn't go to my mother in law's house because she said if you weren't vaccinated, you couldn't come. And and if and then another lady told me that my my sister said, if you're vaccinated, you can you can come, but you're not gonna spread that vaccine misinformation around here.

Mary Alessi:
Babe, we had it in my family.

Steve Alessi:
We did.

Mary Alessi:
We had 2 weddings. Family members wouldn't show because we weren't vaccinated.

Steve Alessi:
That's right. Or because we were in a group setting.

Mary Alessi:
A group setting.

Steve Alessi:
And they were super spreaders. And we got through it. We got through it. And but we had to choose to lay down our rocks, not stir it up. Our poor kids, if we had held on to the animosity and the division and the talk about misinformation and the lies, can you imagine how you we could have easily destroyed 2 weddings Yeah. For our kids and and the next generation who really needs us to show them how to be unified. Mhmm.

Mary Alessi:
I

Steve Alessi:
mean, if we don't do it for anybody, do it for them.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
Lay it down. Let it go. Love your loved ones. Quit talking about politics. Don't talk about it just for that night you're with, your family and do it for the next generation.

Mary Alessi:
And be a 100% present. That's right. And please, if they say something that irritates you, let it go.

Steve Alessi:
Let it go.

Mary Alessi:
Don't don't don't buy into it. Just it's so easy Yeah. To wanna come to the table with that. And and a lot of this just has to do with preparing yourself in advance. Yeah. For the holidays instead of just rolling into them. Prepare yourself and be intentional. What what are you gonna bring to the family setting this Christmas? Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
If you can bring a gift, what best version of yourself could that gift be to everybody? Maybe you gotta forgive someone. Yeah. Maybe they said some things to you that really irritated you, maybe hurt you. You know, I I heard something the other day, which is just so so so good, and it's strong. But they said it this way. An insecure person is always gonna be offended. Mhmm.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
They're offended by politics. They're offended by the Bible. They're offended by your behavior, your words. An insecure person is always gonna be offended. Yeah. And you can't do anything about it because there's nothing you could really do that's going to keep them from being offended. It's the old statement that we used to say, if you can be offended, you will

Steve Alessi:
be offended.

Mary Alessi:
So an insecure person really struggles with that. Yeah. Because they're always on edge. Someone's gonna hurt them. And so they're just looking for something that you're gonna do or say that they're gonna be able to take offense over. And sadly, we've experienced that in our life. Yeah. But a secure person, they're so much stronger when it comes to that kind of stuff there.

Mary Alessi:
That's right. They're it is the biblical principle of turning the other cheek. Yes. A secure person really can just turn the other cheek. A secure person can walk into a room and be okay with people that are that disagree with them. Right. They don't have to be so easily put on the edge because they're secure. And a secure person can look at another person and say, you know what? Even though we disagree, I I can understand why you feel that way.

Steve Alessi:
Right.

Mary Alessi:
And I have room in my life. I'm I'm big enough to have room in my life for your opinion. That's right. Even if I don't agree with it. That's it. And that just shows security. So if I'm struggling with being offended, I need to go back and say God, what's up with me?

Steve Alessi:
Yeah, it's so true. Where am I broken? Yes. Where am I weak?

Mary Alessi:
Am I insecure? Why am I insecure? What happened to me?

Steve Alessi:
That's right.

Mary Alessi:
Because I know the person that's easily offended politically, they really don't want to be deep down. No. They don't want to stir it up everywhere they go.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
They don't even wanna be at odds. I mean, they'll be in the car with their spouse on the way home after the big argument and everything, and their spouse's gonna be ticked at them for stirring it up. They don't wanna be that person. Mm-mm. So it's Christmas, New Year's. Let's go have fun. Let's leave our politics at home. Let's start detoxing way before we ever start hanging out with family.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah. And let's just go in there. Maybe I gotta look at something else, read something else, get something else in my spirit and leave politics and maybe even religion away and just be a shining example of goodness. To my family. To my family. Yeah. And build rapport and relationship.

Steve Alessi:
That's right.

Mary Alessi:
If you can't do it for family, who can you do it for?

Steve Alessi:
No. That's right.

Mary Alessi:
So let's go the extra mile. Leave politics out, even leave religion out. Show up and be the best version of yourself. And if you could do that, then what we think you're gonna be able to do is really have one of the greatest Yes. You holidays that you could ever imagine having. And maybe, you being that great gift that you can bring, okay, it's gonna pay huge dividends in returns for you because you're gonna find yourself really enjoying the holidays. So until we get to talk to you again, this has been a great season for us sharing with you in the podcast booth and having you join us for the Alessi family business. God bless you.

Mary Alessi:
Thanks for joining us.

Chris Alessi:
You've just enjoyed another episode of the family business podcast with the and we can't thank you enough for being a part of our podience today. Now that you've learned more about us, here's how you can join in in the family business. First, make sure you're following our podcast right now, and download this episode so you can hear it at any time. 2nd, think of someone you know that might need or enjoy this episode, and share it with them. You'll be helping them, and helping us to spread the word about the family business. 3rd, go to a lessefamilybusiness.com, and tap the ask the Alesses button. This is really cool. You can use it to record a voicemail comment or question, and we can add your voice to our conversations.

Chris Alessi:
Finally, while you're on our page, tap the reviews tab and you'll see a link to leave a review on Apple Podcasts. We love reading your reviews, and we might even share them on the show. Thanks again for joining us, and we'll see you next time at the Family Business with the Alessis, because family is everybody's business.