Stressed Out? Why It's Dangerous to Normalize Unhealthy Coping Habits | S6 E30

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Why do I want that glass of wine? You don't love wine. I like wine. You like the idea. Once in a while.

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You you never But you know what? Ever finish a glass. Exactly.

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Hello, and welcome to another episode of The Family Business with the Alessis where family is everybody's business. I'm Steve Alessi. And today I have my glasses wearing wife back in the studio with me. I'm here. Podcast booth. And I can see good. You can see clearly. The rain is gone. It's all good. Well, we wanna thank you for being a, faithful Podience member and listener. We're going to continue our I don't wanna say series, but it was an episode that we had just recorded, titled The Death of Normal. And we wanna continue that because after we finished the podience or the sorry, the podcast, we started thinking about, wow, there's some things that people right now are doing that they think are normal in society, but yet they have been abnormal for so long. Yes. And they're making those things now normal. So we're gonna hit that. But before we do, we always like to get engagement with our audience. So as you listen to us, we're gonna ask you to respond to a question.

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Here's the question that the the Alessis are asking segment of our podcast today. Here's what Steve and Mary Alessi are asking you as our party. And so we'd love to get your input on this. And you could send your answers to info at family business podcast.

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Sorry. Write it down. Our podcast. It's right on over my shoulder, but I messed it up. Info at The Family Business Podcast.

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Podcast. Right? We're gonna put it in the show notes. Show notes.

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Thank you very much. It's gonna be there. No edit. We're live. Here's what we want to get your response to. And that is, alright. We're gonna be dealing with a lot of stress. Right? It's part of it's normal.

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It's a part of life. And there's a lot of stress. If you're listening to the news right now on a regular basis, about politics, things that are going on in our country. And there's 2 parties that are going at it. The more you listen to your news, you're it could be creating some stress and anxiety because both sides are telling us, which I've heard, by the way, for quite a few election cycles, but both parties are saying to us, this is the most important election of our life. Yeah. It will determine what America's future looks like. Alright? We're hearing that, which then leads us to believes that believe that if our party doesn't get in and win, oh, my God, all hell's gonna break loose and we'll lose freedoms. America is gonna change.

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Alright. That can create stress and anxiety. Yes, it can. So, here's my question. What method, alright, do you use to help you deal with stress in life? How do you deal with stress? What method do you go about trying to deal with stress? Do you go for a walk and exercise? Do you drink a little drink here and there, wine to help you deal with it? Do you, and are you are you taking drugs? Are you seeing a counselor talking to people or therapists to help you? Do you pray? Do you read your bible? What are you doing? What method helps you cope with stress? Because stress is just a normal part of society. How do you deal with it? Alright. Go to our email that's listed there in the show notes, and give us your answer. We just wanna know who we're talking to and who are hopefully being able to help. So that being done, here we are part 2 of the death of normal. I wanna throw one more option in the ring because we see this all the time. Therapy animals.

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People use therapy animals. Is that what they call them therapy?

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Dogs. Mhmm. All the time, they say cats.

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Cats, dogs Yeah. As a that's an indicator. Yep. Vacationing.

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Hey. That's a good one. They're no. They use dogs. Hang on now. They use dogs because of stress. It's an emotional support animal. Yeah. So what what we see is there's a huge increase in that, and that just shows you how much stress people are dealing with. Yeah. And I I think it'd be cool if people can respond, and we get quite a few of them, then I will share how I cope with stress. Okay. Yeah. I'll share it too. Good. All right. So let's let's take this, the death of normal, Mary. This kinda got stirred up because you were talking to your twin sister, and she was just sharing some challenges and things that they were experiencing, with people that they know. So take the lead on this. What are we talking about? Well, we were actually just discussing this in regards to how many young people are smoking pot and vaping these days. Mhmm. And their mindset has shifted from what we believe is normal, which weed is bad. Mhmm. Weed is addictive. Yeah. It is dangerous for you over long periods of time. I know there are people out there that smoke pot, and they hotbox in their cars, which means they just put the windows up, and they smoke pot to get the vapors and the aroma, I guess, to get a really good high. And they swear and they will defend it to the death that it's healthy for you. And and I I'm a big believer in CBD oils, but without the THC. That's the ingredient that gets you high.

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Mhmm. So if you can tell me that you use CBD every day without the high component, then I would say, yes. That's that's very healthy for you on a cellular level. But if you're using marijuana as maybe as a cultural norm, something to do, with your friends or you just it it's a relaxer at the end of the day. I know there's a lot of people, and believe it or not, there are Christians out there that actually will still defend that marijuana is good for you. What we are finding is it is not, and it is highly addictive. Okay. Before we get into that part of it. Yeah. Here's again the the shift that we're originally discussing about what is abnormal becoming normal. So we've lost the it's the death of normal. Because what was has been illegal That's right. A known illegal substance that people are in jail for Years. For selling Yep. For being caught with it. Yeah. Alright.

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Some some liberal mindsets have taken that over. That's right.

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Hijacked it, and now it's become legal.

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Right. But what is legal doesn't always mean that it's good for you. So now what has been abnormal has proven our point. It's become normal. So And I can back that up with, why this has become normal. There's a Gallup poll that's done. I'm just gonna share. I just googled this, that was just done a month ago. The the the the update of this actual poll that came out and, men to women, 19% of men smoke or have smoked marijuana and consider themselves marijuana pot smokers. Mhmm.

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14% of women. Yep. In the age group breakdown, 18 to 34, 26% of 18 to 34 year old smoke pot. That's a lot. 26%.

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35 to 54, 18%. And 55 and older, 11. The older you get after 55, you need all your faculties.

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You're not gonna be smoking no pot. I mean, give me a break. You realize I'm I don't wanna be cloudy. I need to be clear. Yeah. I need some Prevagen. Educated people, college graduates, only 9%. Not a college graduate, 21%. I guess they're depressed. They didn't get a degree. But that's that's how many people smoking pot. They even broke this down across party lines. Which party you identify with? 12% of Republicans have said to have smoked pot, 17% of independents, and 22% of Democrats say they smoke pot. And that's just a recent trend. It says that we have gone up in the last 10 years.

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They've noticed that the increase has been anywhere from the 11% to the 13%. Some polls say it's up to 25%. Gosh. Increased just in the last 10 years of of smoking pot. Mary, you would find, some of these liberal states that have adopted this as Yeah. Legalized marijuana are some of the most, you see homelessness abound? Yeah.

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Lawlessness abounding. Yes. In these states that have actually, I mean, Denver. We've seen it in Denver, Colorado. Seattle. San yeah. Tough environment. San Francisco. That the city has changed.

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Yeah. The people's you know, their welfare is at stake because they've legalized something that's just not normal. No. And speaking of case study Good gosh. The the series we did or the the episode we did on case study, they're gonna find out through this in the next few years, this will have been a disastrous case study. Yeah. But in in regarding normal versus abnormal, what we're afraid to to see and to and honestly come to terms with is how the abnormality of needing pot or some kind of substance to deal with stress has become the normal way Mhmm. That people are dealing with the stresses of life. Yeah. And it's not a Christian thing or a non Christian thing anymore. Right. Right. It's acceptable. So the problem with this here, right, and I guess the other part with young people, we're talking about, we're talking about pot, smoking pot. Right? Yep. Vaping. Vaping.

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Vaping's become something that, you know, they told us for years that smoking is not good for your health. The surgeon general were required to put a warning on the pack of cigarettes. A few years ago, all of a sudden, vaping starts coming on the scene. Yeah. And, you know, the the mindset should have been, wait a minute. This this is just a a way to get around smoking. Right. Because you're smoking.

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Yeah. But this is just the way to get around it. You go to restaurants, no smoking. But I've seen people take a bait pen out, take a hit in the middle of a restaurant. Oh, yeah. You know? What they're putting in that stuff and so on, they're finding is not healthy. It's dangerous for the lungs. Dangerous. All right. But yet, there it went. Right there before our very eyes, vapings become normal. You you you drive down the streets today. You you drive past strip centers. Yeah. And you see, cannabis shops, CBD shops. Oh, yeah. CBD shops. Everywhere. Vape shops. Everywhere. Everywhere. All this stuff, Right? It's becoming normal, but yet it's been so abnormal, and it's just not helping.

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Yes. And normalizing something is the is the culture's way of introducing the culture to something that's abnormal. Homosexuality. Yeah. You just normalize it. They've just put it in every commercial. Yep. They've put same sex relations in every movie. You know?

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Every show. Every show. Family viewing shows. Right. You know? And we, you know, started a few years ago, not a few, but back in the the eighties nineties, and they'd put it in there, and the homosexual would be the funniest character in the show. Right? So it just started to normalize things that over the centuries prior, we see in itself was not the perfect plan for humanity. Right. So humanity is settling for something less than what would be the best Right. For their life. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I mean, you you go back if you you just and I don't wanna step on any toes. But here's reality.

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Go back and study just what homosexuality, where its roots came from. Right. It it really was a form of control Yes. That the powers at b would exercise over their subjects. Mhmm. So the powers that be would force this on other men. The power position of kings and those in rulership would force this on their subjects as a form of control. Right. And that's brought become normalized in our society. So Well, it's a scary thing when when we see that embraced. All of these things that we're talking about embraced so widely Yes. And openly. And now you have parents that are struggling, which which fight do I take on? Yeah. You know?

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I I'm fighting with my teenagers over transgender acceptance of all this crazy world.

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Okay. Then just smoke pot. You know, I'm just not gonna fight you over it. It's it's at least it's not cigarettes. Right. You know?

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Babe, you you mentioned something the other day Stephanie brought to your attention because she read statistics on just the whole LGBTQ. What where it used to be at about 3 to 5%. It was 2% just a few years ago that identified with the LGBTQ community. Now.

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30% of women Of women. Identify in some way Mhmm. With the trans, the LGBTQ community. In some way Yeah. They identify. And our purpose of even discussing these kind of things is is not to condemn a person in any way. That's just not our flow. We don't like to condemn, but we have to call it out.

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Because if it's not the best for your life, we're saying just don't do it. Right. Don't don't buy into the lie that that abnormal behavior is normal.

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Right. And parents that are dealing with their kids.

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Listen, the phone, the constant addiction to the phone Yes. Yes. Is abnormal. It's abnormal. Parents should be able to recognize it and feel empowered to set some boundaries with their kids on their phones.

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Yeah. Why are we leaving it up to the government? You know, I have a hard time with how far I want the government reaching this personally. How far I want the government reaching into raising kids.

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So this whole thing with TikTok. In Florida, where DeSantis is pushing a bill, I and it's constitutionally still trying to weigh things out. But the law is that kids have to be a certain age before they can be allowed on social media platforms. Right. Alright. My problem is, you know, we want their help. The government is needing to step in and provide help with our kids because parents have vacated that role. That's right. And parents are not feeling empowered to be able to step into their role. So the government has to set up certain laws. And part of me says, yes. Let's do it. Part of me is, like, I don't know if the government needs to be stretching into these areas.

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Right. Having that far of a reach into the area of our personal life. Because once they start taking a little, then you get a few bad apples that can get in there and they wanna take more and more and more. And then even our religious liberties will be in jeopardy. Alright? So where we choose to pray has already, our kids are experiencing that in school. That's already been taken away from them. Christian clubs, they weren't allowed to have certain Christian clubs. So the government's far reaches already started in certain areas. Now they're going to have to step in when it comes to social media for our teenagers.

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And that's, that's hard, right? Because we need it, but then we don't. So my point, us talking about this is saying to our parents, parents be empowered. Right. Step into your role.

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Be encouraged. You've got people standing behind you right here in Steve and Mary Lesse, and our our Metro Life family that are saying be the parent you need to be. If it's abnormal, address it. Stand up to it. Don't be afraid. Don't let your kids sit there and tell you, it's just vaping. It's everybody's doing. Right. We've heard that forever.

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Right. Gosh, all every kid growing up through the generations have already has have always used that argument. But everybody's doing it. Right. Right. And if you And a parent our parents had to say to us, Yeah, that's everybody, but not you. But not you.

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You're somebody that's not gonna be doing that. Say no more.

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That's normal. Say no more to your kids. You know, if we go back to the question we ask our audience, how are you coping with the stresses of your life? Mhmm. A lot of people, just at the end of the day, everything that you just talked about, the cultural situation, the political situation, It would be so easy for all of us to just get home. And after being bombarded with all these things, the fears, the nothing's absolute anymore. And it's so easy to feel like there's nowhere to go to get answers.

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Just go to the backyard, go to the back patio, get a couple glasses of wine, and just drink your troubles away, or just jump. If you can't beat them, join them. Just smoke pot, and then you don't have to deal with any of that. Then Then you can go to bed at night, get up the next morning, and you don't have to deal with it. And that pot is there for you. And then you when it's when it's not illegal anymore and you're not worried about it and you can smoke it, you start believing the lie that, oh, it's good for me. This is this is okay. The issue is where does it start? What is it born in? The need to want to do it. The stress of life and the inability to have the right mechanism to cope with the stresses of life. Mhmm. And when the world is in the state that it's in and it affects you I mean, listen. Let's just look at it this way. You said to me yesterday we were talking about the young women in our church that wanna get married, the young women statistically that wanna get married. And it's so easy to stress yourself out.

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It's actually easier to stress yourself out and believe the statistics that say even our granddaughters are gonna have a hard time finding men to marry. That is a very stressful thought. That will keep you up at night until all your daughters are married. Because, you know, let's face it.

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You wanna get your kids married and babies and family in life. But the culture is telling us statistically, that I don't know what it is, but maybe, you know, 2 in 5 women, 3 in 5 women will not marry because of just the condition of men today. It's it's very scary from the perspective of actual numbers. It's very stressful for these young women, and sometimes they will cope with the stress of that by getting on dating apps they should not get on, seeking another person in another environment that they know is not gonna end up well, but it's a stressor that's adding so much conflict to your mind and so much it could it's not all substance abuse.

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Sometimes it's just it's creating anxiety in you because you can't turn off the thoughts. For some people I know for me, one of the ways I deal with stress is I talk.

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I'll just talk and talk and talk and talk, and I can't stop talking. I'm just talking about it all. Then the problem, I use all the problem. I I won't shut up. And you will go, are you serious right now? I've had to learn that when I'm dealing with those stressful thoughts and those things, which are legitimate, to just don't talk at all. But I I can I can tell you, you know, I I like a glass of wine? Yeah. I love a glass of wine. But I have to ask myself, why do I want that glass of wine? You don't love wine. I like wine. You like the idea.

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Once in a while. You you never But you know what?

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Ever finish a glass. Exactly. But yet there's still this voice in my head once in a while. And I know it comes from having an alcoholic father. Mhmm. I know it does.

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That why do you want that? Well, because it tastes good.

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It goes great with my steak. But I test myself all the time. I will self talk like we talked about in the other episode.

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I don't need anything to help me deal with this stress.

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Stress is normal. This feeling of stress is normal. Now, some people will, of course, all the religious people, you just need to pray your stress away. You just need to get in your Bible and read your Bible. Well, there is truth to that. Sometimes you just need to get up and shift your position. Turns voices off. Yeah. I was gonna and I will tell in the future how I cope with stress. No, I don't. I just don't want to tell anybody yet. Okay. Save for the next one.

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I want them to tell me how they cope with stress, and then I can help you. I'll let them know how I cope, but you already shared some of Now, you don't drink wine. I don't drink. I don't even know why I said that. You don't. Here's what you do.

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Okay? There's 2, 4 letter words that just sum up how you deal with stress, and wine is not one of them.

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What are they? You can tell everybody before you tell them. No. You said you said talking. I do. I talk. I like that talk.

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Yes. It's true. You talk. And now that we're older and we have more time on our hands, it's good to be able to hear you.

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Matter of fact, if you're not talking You're worried. I'm like, uh-oh. Sounds wrong.

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Oh, gosh. She's got it too easy. What? We need to create some stress so she talks more. And the other thing is shop. I knew. Oh my god. S H O P. It is like s h t o Excuse me. I just can't understand. Excuse me. Yes. Shopping therapy is real. It is. And it's And Target did what it did. Okay. So Oh, my God.

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Here's I will eventually share with you when I said how I cope with stress. And here's how I'm aware that how I'm coping with stress can become an addiction.

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Okay. Okay? Thank you. Tell on yourself. Is when before noontime, I'm already thinking about it.

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Not even the end of the day when I'm ready to chill a little bit. I don't want it right. I hear I hear it in the morning. I hear it.

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And my some people some people say that addictions can be generational. Right. So in in our case, my grandfather, the one that I used to have red hair after, light skin after for sure, was, Stanford O. Grice.

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Mhmm. Okay? Stan Stanford Grice. My mother's father, truck driver, construction dude, but he was an alcoholic. Mhmm. Both are. Yeah. Okay. My grandfather. Your grandfather. My grandfather. My father. Boy, there's a bug that just got on my glasses. That was wild. It's a stress My grandfather. Oh, he's over here. Excuse me. Sorry. And then my mom always told me, Steve, we gotta be careful in our family. Right. Because we have some of those same genes. And so what shows you is sometimes, there there could be addictions that people are in that could almost be genetic. It's almost like it's passed down. Well, I never really bought into that. I wasn't really sure about that. And to this day, I don't know the reality of it. What I do know is the same voices that had spoke to my grandfather.

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And even spoke to my mother at times when she was going through some hard times are the same voices that speak to me. 100%.

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Right? Yes. Those voices could lead us to get addicted to something all because we're trying to figure out how to self medicate, how to fuel another That's a whole another podcast. How to that's right. How to deal with stress. That's right. Ultimately, I think it's a learned behavior. Right. That's why I'm saying about this whole thing, about the death of normal is what we are experiencing today with young people wanting to vape, and young people wanting to smoke pot. It's a learned behavior. Yeah. It's something that society is telling you needs to be done. Here's how you deal with it. Yeah.

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It's even though it's not the best for you, but it's better to do that just so you feel good.

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So it's a learned behavior, and anything that's a learned behavior that helps them deal with stress, pressure, anxiety, mental health challenges. If it's a learned behavior, the bad news is it's not a normal behavior because you had to learn it.

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The good news is if it's a learned behavior, you can unlearn it.

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Yeah. And over the years when those voices would start to speak with me, I know it's I have the propensity towards a certain addiction. I know that. For young men, porn Yep. Is a learned behavior. And women too. You may be drawn to it because it it looks good with the eyes. It's part of who we are as men and young men with all these hormones raging.

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It's a beautiful thing, to have those hormones. Right. But to then be drawn into porn that is so free today to this young generation and to, you know, just society. It's normalized.

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The show Friends made it real normal back in the days that it's something you sat down and watched, and and you did.

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That's a that in itself, that addiction is a learned behavior. Right. Instead of saying, no, that's not normal for me. I need to save this sex that is gonna be a blessing to my spouse. Let me save it for them. K. Because to me, sex is right up there with one of the greatest gifts God ever gave to humanity. Right. Is sex. And it's a gift that we give in the marriage relationship. -That's right. -All right? Beautiful. I'm thankful for it. -Yes. -Grateful for the normalcy that we are able to enjoy an intimacy that we can enjoy in our marriage. If I don't have that, I'm a messed up man. Right. I thank you for that because it it makes me a a, a healthy man.

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I'm not hungry when I leave the house in the morning because I've been I had my my my lunch and breakfast and dinner. Alright?

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But all of that to say, when it comes down to us dealing with addictions to help us cope with stress in life. If it's a learned behavior, be careful.

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Absolutely. And if it's gonna be learned, make sure it's a healthy behavior. Right.

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Well, like you said, you can unlearn it, and it might take some time, but you can. And I think the issue is the root of this is dealing with stress. Mhmm. How do you deal with stress? Some people need to go see a therapist for how to deal with stress.

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And that's good for a while. It's good for a while. It shouldn't be a lifetime. No. Because you need to make sure that you are incorporating everything you're learning from that therapist in your day to day stressing moments and putting that into practice rather than avoiding. What makes addicts addicts is not just the drug. The drug is the vehicle. It's the conduit. It's the mindset of, I don't wanna deal with this. I'll deal with it later. Right now, I'm not dealing with this. I'm gonna use this substance to help me float over these feelings and this pain. And I am not a therapist. I know there's deeper wells there. I understand. I'm not so don't hold me to any account when it comes to the way I just described it. But my father was an alcoholic. And at the end of the day, what we knew as a family was he didn't drink because he felt good. He drank because he had a stressed out moment. He was dealing with demons. He didn't wanna bring into his view to say, I'm dealing with you. Yeah. And you're not gonna deal with me. He would avoid those demons. He would avoid those sad thoughts and those hard thoughts, and he would just dive into the substance. And that's what we're talking about. It's gotta start somewhere. And I would say It's the daily stress Yeah. That you don't deal with. Yeah. We're gonna bring this in for a close. But, you know, when you mentioned that about your dad, what he had to deal with in life, I would I would almost give him a pass for having to cope with alcohol. Yeah. It breaks my heart. Yeah. Knowing the details of what he had to deal with, the demons that he had to deal with.

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It's easy to say, go ahead and just drink. Yeah. Absolutely. But it wasn't the best way of coping. No. Because he lost his family.

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Yes. He lost he he lost his ultimately his life. Mhmm. He he lost his self dignity. He was too smart. He knew that that wasn't the right way to go. He hated that part of himself, which the only way you then continue to deal with that hating, not being happy, and feeling healthy is that cycle. It's a constant cycle of defeat where addiction just comes in. And whatever it is you're using to help you deal with your stress just constantly comes in. And it's not always the best. So the point ultimately, I wanna make sure we are making is, if you're doing whatever coping mechanism you have right now to help you deal with the challenges of life. If it's abnormal, you you gotta put some restraints on that behavior.

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That's right. You you got you can't do it. There's better ways, normal ways, healthier ways that allow you to to maintain your self respect and dignity.

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That's right. Maintain relationships that are super important to help you be fulfilled. There's better ways to do it. And have a healthy state of mind. And if you if you don't know what those ways are, then, you know, please reach out to us.

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Because we don't want you living in this cycle of defeat. We we wanna be an encouragement to you. And our community that we're connected with is a great place for people to come. We know Oh, yeah. There's a lot of individuals that are struggling with what happens when they leave our church on Sunday. Yeah. We're only in church for about 2 hours. Yeah.

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They've got a whole week ahead of them. They're coping with a lot of stuff.

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It's tough. It's not easy. But there's the right way to deal with it. And we could help if someone is at their wits end, and they don't know what to do. And they can reach out to us in the show notes, and we'll make sure that we can provide some kind of care. But what we cannot do is allow the abnormal behavior, like smoking pot, vaping, drinking, this abnormal behavior to become normal for us. It's gonna bite us in the bud later Yes.

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In life, and we don't want you to have that kind of life filled with those kind of regrets. So I hope something was said today in this podcast that has encouraged you, not belittle you, not make you feel bad, but encourage you and strengthen you to show you what kind of life you can be living because we want you to live your best life right now. Make it happen. Thanks for joining us. We hope you enjoyed today's episode. Go ahead and subscribe to our YouTube channel, like this video, and click on the notifications bell so you can be notified for all of our future videos. And if you love today's topic, we have plenty more. And you can click on this link right here to watch all of our videos, so you can learn.