When Haters Attack: Why We Stay Positive When People Criticize Our Beliefs | S6 E31

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And someone said, I didn't know I ordered a yappuccino.

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Oh. First of all, I just have to say, whoever commented this, you're brilliant. This is a just 30 seconds.

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I know.

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Well, alright, everybody. Today's another episode of the family business with the Alessis, but this time the Alessis are Christopher and Gabby. It's an exciting day. We're here to do something kind of fun. Yeah.

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If you didn't know, I actually am privileged to sit here with YouTube's favorite election. Privileged discussion. I am so no. I mean, I'm lucky Yeah.

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To sit here with you. I think all of our YouTube shorts have a certain amount of of views. Yeah. Half of them are videos that you've made. I know. So Is that a good thing, or is that a bad thing? Alessi family business YouTube queen, Gabby Alessi. The trolls love me. Yeah. They do. They love me. The haters I have haters now. I've always wanted to say, like, all my haters, and I didn't have them. Now I do. Yeah. You do. Yes. Do a public apology to all of my haters.

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I am sorry that you don't understand, and you didn't watch the whole video, and you are talking without context.

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I'm sorry. I'm sorry to hear. Know what we were gonna do today. We're going to, talk a little bit about the subject that seemed to get YouTube just so stirred up on some of the YouTube shorts.

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And we're gonna look at some of the comments, and that's that's that's gonna be some fun. We did set some guidelines that we, you know, didn't wanna be too mean. Gabby's already pushing that that Party.

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I'm pushing the envelope. She's getting as close as she can to the line. This is the thing. If if YouTube does not like me, then there's a reason because I always push the envelope, and I can't stop now. Okay. So you're just gonna keep doing what you've been doing? I have to keep raining, Christopher. I have to keep This is how you keep your reign. I have to keep it. I have to win the next election of most hated. Like, this is how I keep my The people's queen. The people's queen. Yeah. Not the the the hero that we want, but the hero we deserve.

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No. I think it's fun. I think it's a good time. So the topic you were discussing was young people dating. And by young, you were really speaking teenagers, early teenagers. So for context, we dad and I sat down because at our Wait. You talked to dad?

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I talked to dad. I know. Some people some, some commenters and viewers think we don't talk to our dad, and he's a narcissist. And think that they can identify narcissism in a 22nd clip. But, no, we actually talk to him. So he and I were, I had I had done a a YouTube or, sorry, a youth sermon series and a teaching all on dating for, like, a month long, and it got really good responses. The kids are really learning, and and our youth group, if you don't know, it's middle schoolers and high, excuse me, high schoolers. So you have a group of kids that are in a very vulnerable season of their life. And the question that I get the most, and when you're a youth pastor, you probably got it the most, is when can I date? So when I I spoke to them, we had this great series, and then I took it with dad, and I was like, hey. I'd love to get dad's response. Like, as an older, an older man, he's raised all of his kids. 2 of his kids are married. In his sixties. What would his advice be to that season of dating? Exactly. And then also to the parents and all of that. So we had the conversation, but the whole podcast was catered to middle schoolers and high schoolers Teenagers. And their parents.

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Yeah. And so and then people blew up. They started to say things, because, you were making a statement about, you know, if you're young Yeah. And you're head over heels for somebody Young equals middle and high school. Maybe diving into this and giving your heart to somebody who's really not even old enough to know how to protect their own hearts and can't protect yours. You're saying, you know, probably the wiser choice Yeah. Since you've got so much time is to protect yourself and not dive into it yet. Yeah. And that's where we got some comments that are like, people trying to quote you. Don't take risks because something bad might happen is literally the worst advice you could give someone. Or literally the worst advice I've ever heard. Everyone's gonna have that fear. That's why our dating pool has gone to crap. You you've got some people who are quoting you. I have to make sure I get this right. I know. People are misquoting me. Can I, like, can I just get some defenders in here? You've got some you've got some defenders. You've got some people saying, if you're terrified of being happy, make yourself unhappy because if you don't, you might eventually become unhappy. That's a bunch of nonsense If you want to be with someone that much, be happy together and work on your relationship. Another person said, no. If you want to be with someone that much, be happy together and work on your relationship. Yeah. So you you got some some comments to that point about just maybe protecting your heart.

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And here's what people don't realize. We're making these exact comments to the young adults in our church. Yeah. We're looking at some of the young unmarrieds that The 20 year olds. In our world of the church. Guys, I'm gonna tell you my opinion, marriage is the best life. It's the best. And you know what? Some people might not agree, but if I found one of the best restaurants on the planet and decided not to tell anybody because someone might not agree, a lot of people wouldn't get a chance to eat at a great restaurant. Yeah. So to me, marriage is the best. I look at all my young friends, guys my age, that are single and as many great girls we got, I'm telling them it doesn't matter how afraid you are. Dive in. Yeah.

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Give it a shot. Take risks. If you want that because that's another part. Like, if if you don't want marriage and and I'm saying, like, if you don't if you're not finding anybody and and that life isn't for you and you, then okay. You can make that work too. But if you want marriage, and this is what we tell all of our our 20 and our 30 year olds, if you want marriage and you are constantly talking about it, take risks. So to those that made these comments, we agree with you. Yes. Just not to our young teenagers. And Yeah. This is crazy. Ready? This is like an update. We're wild for believing this. We believe our children should be protected. Yes. That's something that we think.

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Yes. We think we should do our best to protect kids until they're older, and our parents didn't let that stop at 18.

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No. Our parents still protect us. Yeah. They still take the hits that they think, you know what? They don't need to take that hit right now. They're still going out of their way to help us, and that's why they're narcissists we never speak to. I know. I have a good one here. This one's interesting. It says, and I I I agree with her in a different context. She says that's when you go all in because if it does happen, you will survive. Does happen meaning heartbreak. You will survive, and you will get through it. And you will learn that you're stronger than you think. The guy that crumbles your heart will prepare you for the man who won't. That's really good. It will make you grow. It will force you to be true to yourself, and it will lead you and guide you to your true partner. And then she says this sweet little encouraging note to me. Ladies, don't listen to this girl.

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Your biggest mistake will be a blessing in disguise. Again, I agree with what she's saying to 20 year olds and to 30 year olds. I don't think a 14 year old girl should be brokenhearted because her 15 year old boyfriend or the boy that she obsessed with all of of of summer long, whatever it is, has now chosen a different girl to date, and now she's crumbled to the core. That to me is just not healthy, and she will not learn from that heartbreak. She's too young to take the right thing, take the good from the bad. In that heartbreak, she doesn't understand it. So, again, I would say, help your kids avoid this. Young people, avoid the heartbreak if you are not prepared for it. Well, here's another one, and that's a good point. And what we're really trying to say is, like, a lot of the stuff people are saying in these comments is stuff that we would agree with in certain context. But in the context of young people Yeah. You know, I was actually having a conversation with 1 of our our our, you know, middle 20 single guy, And I actually asked him. I said, hey. How many 40 50 year olds do you have pouring into you? And he's like, none. And I said, okay. We gotta make that we gotta make that switch. We gotta make that switch now. Because there's advice that I would have given you 5 years ago Mhmm. That now as a as a man married for 3 years with a baby, I'd give you different advice. Yeah. I don't wanna mislead you. You need, you know, the abundance of counselors. Yeah. And so there's so much nuance to situations and to life and and to different people and to the way that they're wired and all of that that you we to to make it seem like we would even make a blanket statement about dating in general, especially to young adults or to young, you know, 30 year olds, 40 year olds, 50 year old is wild to think. Some of these people are actually making larger assumptions than they're accusing us of making.

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Yeah. And that's because that's what happens when you decide to go all in on a 30 second comment when there's a whole 30 minute episode about it. But I like, this one particular lady. She comes to the table and she kinda tells a little bit about her story. I wanna make sure I pull this one up. And the idea here is she says where is it? Oh, I'm sorry. This is terrible. She's 100% right. She's saying you are a 100% right. I was married, not divorced, and I only have a body count of 1 person at 40 years old. I didn't have all these different boys breaking my heart. I didn't sleep around. I didn't have a lot of the same issues a lot of people nowadays do going from person to person. By the way, ma'am, you're gonna offend a lot of people. You might be getting some bad comments now. Even though we agree with you. Dating person to person is mentally and emotionally exhausting draining. And the bad thing is I think a lot of people don't learn how damaging it can be until you're older. Mhmm. But that's, like, this idea that, you know, you know, you might learn something before you get older is offensive to people now. And, you know, you know, you might learn something before you get older.

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Mhmm. And you you might learn something before you get older is offensive to people now. And the idea that we would even present, an option Yeah. For somebody that's like, hey. This might just be safer for you. If you're out there and you're like, you know what?

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I wanna protect my kid or I wanna protect myself. The idea that we would even have advice for somebody based off our life experience is privileged Yeah. And and offensive. Yeah. But you know what's crazy? We're gonna keep being offensive. Yeah.

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Because this is this is what we believe to our core. We wouldn't sign up for a podcast as a family No. If we didn't, number 1, feel like we had a deposit to make into people. And then, b, felt like that deposit was worth Yeah. Fighting for.

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Yeah. And, you know, when you look at our lives, we're in 2 completely different seasons of life, but raised by the same family in the same place. We're different personalities, so we have different opinions, and we're different genders. I'm gonna get negative comments on that one. But the one thing that we have in common man. Yeah. Be oh, but but the one thing that I think we can agree on is is this one particular comment, professional yapper. Oh, this is such a good one. Put this in a poll for you. Which mug should we make first? Okay. Well, give them it's let's give them backstory. I got 2 different comments. I was gonna say that. I was called a I well, I have to address this. As the yapper, I think I need to come face to face with this commenter. So I have been called now professional yapper, and someone said, I didn't know I ordered a yappuccino. Oh.

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First of all, I just have to say whoever commented this, you're brilliant. This is a Just 30 seconds. I know. This is a brilliant, name. I feel blessed that I actually made that comment to the one person that would appreciate I appreciate that insult.

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And can I tell you, I am? I am a yapper, and I am a Yappuccino. I told my sisters about this, and they were like, wow. These people nailed you. Like, they know who you are. So what we wanna do is we want Gonna put it on a poll. We're gonna put it on a poll.

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Which one are we gonna make into a mug first? Because I foresee a day where they're both there. But which one do you think we should make? A mug that says professional yapper or one that says a Yappuccino? And you can get yours today. Well, by the time we make them because you have to respond to the poll first, then we can make them, and then you could have them. So you can have yours in a short time. You can have your. Too. But I I wanna go ahead and I wanna, I wanna speak to that. You are not a yapper. And as much as you may joke and your sisters may be mean, that is not what you are. Yeah.

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There's way too many people on social media, too many people in pod there's, like, podcasts with 12 people now Yeah. And they're all mic'd. I'm like, this is a mess. But this is, like, the podcast equivalent of, being a hoarder. You got way too many people in this room, but you are not a yapper. You are somebody at 23 years of age, 24 years of age. Which one is it? 24. Wow. Thank god. I got it right on the second time. That has given their lives up to this point to helping young people, to being available for young people. For all the people that wanna come out and call you a yapper, how many times are they available to somewhat strangers by phone, by meeting, all because you have a shared investment in their young person. Yeah.

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Couple couple days ago, you had parents show up unannounced to talk to you because they wanted to discuss their young person. How many of these people Yeah. That are gonna come out and come for your throat in a pod? I keep looking at Alan because it's like I'm a very, you know, conversational person. I'm the worst when I'm driving and talking because I will turn back at my cook. But how many of them are making themselves available? And that's what this podcast is. We're just making ourselves available. Yeah. There's so many people that as, you know, the pastoral family, as the leaders of our church, they don't really get time with us. And you know what? I'm already thinking someone's gonna feel like, how dare he feel like someone wants his time? Well, guess what? They do.

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Yeah. They tell us they do. And so we decide to come into our office, have these discussions so people can hear these things and apply it to their families. And we didn't come up with any of it. We were taught it, and we're grateful for it. Yeah. So you are not a yapper. You are somebody that gives your lives to the young people, and you're actually there. You're not filming videos once a day and sending it out. No. You're showing up in person Yeah. On the phone, getting involved. And so I'm not gonna let that happen. I did say at the beginning of the podcast, in the dry run earlier that they had to bring the big brother in to defend his sister. And, Yeah. They did. Because that's so, so stupid. But that being said, Gabby, you know, you just you're in the dating season. You you I guess you could say you the 2 of us, you're the closest to the season of life that you were referring to in the podcast. Yes. So did you think that way when you were a young teenager, The way that you would advise them now, the comments you made in those videos?

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Do did you think that way when you were a teenager? Meaning, like, the the advice I've I've get gave them, I've always had that. Like, the advice you gave now, compare the advice you would give now to when you were actually in that season. Yeah. I think part of it, yes. I think a lot of it, I I knew that that season, if I did have a relationship with that season, I knew it wouldn't last. And so if it wouldn't last, then I didn't wanna get into it. But when I was, like, really young and I was, like, in middle school and I was, like, first going into youth group and I would see all the different boys and everything, No. I was like, this is so exciting, and, oh my god, that's my husband. Like, I really did believe there was at a certain point that Harry Styles and I were just gonna bump into each other and fall in love. Yeah. That was my my belief. And the closest you ever got? Was I did meet his dad, and I thought this was the moment. This is happening. Meeting celebrity dads. I know. It's kinda cool. So She met Tua's dad. But that's not the point of this podcast. No. So I think I did have some understanding of it, but at the same time, no. I think I I was very much in this season, and I wanted to and I had the crushes, and I I would try to talk to to different boys. But the thing was I didn't I was like, I was a late bloomer physically.

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So even if I wanted to date, it was But that yapper was well developed early on. Developing and no. But I honestly do see it as, like, the hand of God because I was able to not get involved with people and I can just watch it. But a lot of I did not live and learn. A lot of things I would receive from the wisdom of others. Well, dad's always said, you know, you either learn in the principal's office in the classroom. Yeah. And you were somebody that wanted to learn in the I did not want to go through the the the dark season if I didn't have to. So what made that switch? Because if I'm reading you right, you it was like, okay. Maybe middle school, you didn't think that way, but then there was a day, like, kinda towards high school where you're like, alright. It wouldn't work. So that's still a long way away from today.

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Yeah. So what made that switch all the way back then for you?

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I think it was because I saw what you were processing and the experiences you were having. I saw the experiences that my my older sister was having, And then I was just hearing from different leaders in my life, and I was literally sit there and be like, is this going to take me down a good road or a bad road?

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Am I gonna is it gonna work or if it's not? And I'm of the personality. That's so sorry. I would have to start getting you. I I I had to hold in a yawn, and here she's looking out. You yawns.

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I so I have this issue. I'm not tired, but when I start to speak in this tone for whatever reason, it, like, opens up a soft palate, and I start yawning.

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My dad gets so mad at me. He's like, you look tired. I'm not. I just had coffee. It's just And he just It's it's my cross to bear, and you're making fun of me. You know what? What you don't realize is half of those comments we're making are my burner accounts, and I'm coming for your throat for things like this. Christopher, that was Okay. So to try to get us to try to get us back I know.

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I'm sorry. Let me get let me start. I'm sorry. Learned because your brother's dating life was terrible. Stop. I'll make the comments again. No. Stay in it.

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Oh, can we just get low? So much more fun. Oh, I'm sorry. So Okay.

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Your your brother's dating life was terrible. Your sister's dating life was terrible. Your brother's yawning face is awful, and I feel another one coming on. There's nothing I can do about it. So So basically basically, what I feel like happened was I did I did not wanna fail. Like, I really didn't wanna put myself in a situation where I felt like I was gonna mess up. And I'm the worst at this time. Okay. So then I'm gonna share my experience because she's a goner at this point. Can we just edit it and then get back to it? This is the most real this is unedited, baby. Basically, I did not want to put myself in a situation where I thought I was gonna mess it up or I can't look at this or something was gonna hurt me. So I just kinda made the thing of, like, let me wait till I'm in the right season.

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Let me wait till I'm in the place where I know I'm old enough to handle something if if something bad happens. Like, I'm old enough to where if the ball drops, I can pick it up, I can put the pieces back together, and I can move on. And that's where I was at with all of it. I did not wanna step into a season and make the mistake when I knew going into it, it was a mistake. Yeah. And so even for us, like, you know, people may get mad at us for the advice we give, but we're giving advice to the the general public. So kinda like doctors, they'll say, oh, it's gonna take, you know, anywhere from 6 to 8 months. There's a chance it takes 2 to 3 months, but they can't tell everybody that, so they have to go the longer route. For us, when we say something like, you know, until you're in the right season or dating for marriage, it's not because we think you should only date people you could one day see yourself marrying. Yeah. Like, duh. Yeah. What we mean by like, dating for marriage is more like, okay. You guys feel like you're in the position where if you chose this is the person to marry, you're, like, 18 months to 2 years away from the wedding day. Yeah. Just because dating for a long time has a lot more casualties than it does Yeah. You know, winners. And so we're just like you know, sometimes if you date too long, a good relationship that could have gone the distance ends up breaking up, and it's really all because there was really nothing holding them together when relationships get normal. And that's what happens. Marriage and all that becomes normal. Your life becomes it becomes a normal part of your life, and then some of the butterflies that you're Yeah. You're talking about are no longer just a byproduct of their existence and their breath in the same room as you.

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It's now a byproduct of the work you guys have put in of of the things you've experienced together. And so when you're dating and you've been dating for a long time and those butterflies start to go away, well, there's nothing keeping you there to do that work. Yeah. And so a lot of people might disagree with us, but you're also just one side of that equation. There's another person you'd be dating with, and maybe they're the ones you should worry about or whatever it may be. Yeah. But, you know, for me, you reference my my dating life. I didn't have a whole lot, but I was not good at protecting my heart. I just wasn't. I was a romantic as you could say. I I thought that dating for marriage meant I felt like I had to be able to see a wedding day with them. Yeah. And what stinks is then you start to think you can see your wedding day with anybody you have a crush on. Yeah.

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And so you just start to dream about it. You start to envision it, and you're like, oh my god. That must mean that's my person. Mhmm. And I really don't like that terminology. But that's kinda like, you know, my soulmate.

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Like, because I can envision it, that means they're there. Yeah.

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And what stinks about those crushes that turn into this, like, insane romance before you've ever really been with the person is you don't see how they respond to things. You don't see how they treat you on their bad days. Yeah. You don't get a good glimpse of how they treat their parents, which for the most part, it's a good glimpse of how they'll treat you one day. You can't see all that.

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And so here you've made this emotional commitment even if it's just in your heart to somebody that ultimately you don't know.

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And a lot of people may have an issue with that, but, you know, the general consensus in marriage is you get to know the person you married more as you go along, which would mean when you were dating, you really didn't know each other as much as you do now. So it's not crazy to say no matter how long you've been dating somebody, you don't know know know them the way you would if you were with them for 50, 60 years. So, obviously, duh, I'm not saying anything smart. No. I feel like I'm trying to protect myself from from people that are gonna comment negatively, especially after they see my yawn face. It's it's gonna happen anyways. And there was a point here that I I wanted to speak to because this is a comment from someone that says, I really don't see how this is a problem. And this is when I made the comment about how relationships are all backwards today and how people are are are not doing it the right way, and I do not care what you think.

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There is a right way to do relationships, and that is saving sex for marriage, dating, falling in love, like courting and all of that, falling in love, getting engaged, getting married, and then your kids come. Can I interrupt you for a quick second, though? So when we say right way, we mean God's way? God's way. They might not agree with that, but here's the thing. Even stats show just by basic level of happiness over a lifetime Yeah. And actual, net income for a for a household family has actually proven that if you do these things in order, you have a better chance. There's a higher correlation with more life satisfaction and more net more net income for the family household. And that is going to college and then having a baby after marriage. Wow. So just just if you took the god out of it, which we would never want to do, but if you did, like, studies have shown longitudinal studies have shown that if you graduate from college, then get married, then have a baby, your chances of general life satisfaction and net income of the household go up. But go back to your point. No. So this person goes, I really don't see how this is a problem. If people are happy with their life, then let them be. You have the right to live your life how you want. They should be extended that same privilege. And this is a comment that I really, really struggle with because if I see that my friend is in they're driving in a car, and I know that there's a cliff on the at the end of the road that they're driving on, and they do not see it. And they're with the music on and they're bumping and they're having a good time and they're just driving down this road, but there's a cliff at the end and I see the cliff and they don't and I don't say something, that would stick with me for the rest of my life that I didn't tell my friend, warn my friend, or let them know about the cliff that was at the end of the road. If I see if I have learned something, if I have seen a truth in my life that works, I've seen it in my siblings, I've seen it in my parents, whatever it is, if I see the truth in life and I see the people next to me do not know that truth, and they are heading down the road, the wrong path, or or something that's gonna hurt them, and I don't say something, if I don't say anything to them, I will hurt them. And I, as a as a friend and as a a someone that's close to them, I want to speak into their life. I want to speak up. I think it's right to speak up. And for what we're doing here, we are talking to the families and talking to the parents of young people saying, hey. You might not see it now, which is okay, but let us help you see it. And so this whole dynamic of it works for you, but it might not work for them or maybe you want that, but that's not what they want. I'm sorry. That doesn't matter. Respectfully, we're going to speak up, and we're going to say something. I'm going to say something because if I'm in relationship with somebody or if somebody likes our show and people are really enjoying the the wisdom or the the conversations that we're having, I'm gonna continue to speak truth to them. I'm gonna continue of the comment doesn't make any sense, and here's why it doesn't make sense. Because there's this there's this figurative them out there. These people.

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And the person who made that comment is almost stepping into the gap, protecting them from you. But meanwhile, your original advice is to protect what's not a figurative them. It's people in our youth group. It's people we know. It's people we serve. It's people that watch this show. We're we're not trying to shape people that don't listen to this podcast. No. We're trying to shape people that do. Yeah. So by their own logic, they damn themselves because and and I that's probably a bad word.

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But they they cut off their nose despite their face to make that comment because now they're saying, hey. You don't have a right to protect them, but I do. So now we're actually saying by trying to protect somebody's freedom, you are enslaving them Mhmm. To your tyranny because you're the one that gets to define what what freedom is. And instead of saying, you know what? You make that comment. I'll go make my own podcast where I'll post my own stuff Yeah.

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Where I give them whatever they want, and I'll let the free market decide Yeah. They don't do that. They try to come and silence this. And that's just the way it's always been. But you know what? We're not gonna stop because we do care about the same people that they seem to care about.

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We care about those them. We care about that group of people.

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And what we have found is through, you know what, study of the word, which take the take it for what you will, it is the longest lasting book on record. It is. Like, it is the most historically accurate document ever. We're crazy because we are trying to take and learn from the largest conglomerate of human expertise on the planet. Sorry about that.

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Can't believe that I don't read more of atomic habits, but, you know and I don't make my life the self. But the the interesting thing here is you know what? Not only would we not apologize for the comments that you made on that video, but we'll double down on them Yeah. Because we believe it. I have seen the value of protecting myself. I was a virgin on my wedding day. I have I was able to look at my wife and be like It's all in. Yeah. And and it is the greatest gift that I have. And how dare you say that? Because you just shamed millions of people. Yeah. Whatever. But it's it's it's not about them. You know? If we're gonna use that comment, let's let's look at it. Well, it's about those that still have a chance, and that's who I'm speaking to. But the the more important thing is, this is what we believe. This is who we are. And, you're not a yapper, but I will have the occasional a yapping, you know.

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Well, this has been another episode of the family business with the I think we did good. We stayed very, very, middle ground. We didn't get too offensive. We only had about a 2 minute reaction to my own. I know. This was probably the most chaotic episode. I apologize, everybody. And, yeah, I'm about to say, she should apologize for that. No. No. I'm kidding. But it's been another episode of the family business with the Alessis. Mom, dad, we hope we made you proud. You know, YouTube trolls, hope we gave you some more to talk about. And, for the rest of you, we can't wait to see you on a future episode. Make sure you let us know. Is it Yappuccino or professional Yapper?

00:29:22.933 --> 00:29:37.825
Can't wait to hear from you. You've just enjoyed another episode of the family business podcast with Violetsis, and we can't thank you enough for being a part of our podience today. Now that you've learned more about us, here's how you can join in in the family business.

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1st, make sure you're following our podcast right now, and download this episode so you can hear it at any time. 2nd, think of someone you know that might need or enjoy this episode and share it with them.

00:29:49.339 --> 00:29:53.134
You'll be helping them and helping us to spread the word about the family business.

00:29:53.615 --> 00:30:11.529
3rd, go to alesseefamilybusiness.com and tap the ask the Alesses button. This is really cool. You could use it to record a voice mail comment or question, and we can add your voice to our conversations. Finally, while you're on our page, tap the reviews tab, and you'll see a link to leave a review on Apple Podcasts.

00:30:12.173 --> 00:30:15.875
We love reading your reviews, and we might even share them on the show.

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Thanks again for joining us, and we'll see you next time at the Family Business with the Alessis, because family is everybody's business.