Confessions, Mixups and More Unexpected TFB Moments

Richelle Alessi [00:00:00]:
Hello everybody and welcome to the family business with the Alessis. My name is Rochelle Alessi and we're actually getting ready for an amazing summer here with our podcast. So this summer, we wanna hear some of your favorite family stories. So let us know on our social media platforms or our text line some of your favorite stories because we're also gonna be sharing some of our favorite family stories with you. So let's make the summer memorable by you sharing your stories with us, and we are sharing your stories with you. But in the meantime, remember, family is everybody's business.

Stephanie Muiña [00:00:41]:
Question for you there. One thing that I've certainly had to try to grapple with is there's all everybody says, well, do what works for you and your spouse. Do what works for you and your husband. You just you need to sit down and you need to compromise. But then I've met some couples and they'll do what works for them, but I'm like, they're gonna hate that Right. A year from now. That's not right. I don't think that they're gonna like that dynamic that works for them right now.

Stephanie Muiña [00:01:09]:
So when you are having that heart to heart with your spouse, how do you come to this middle place of this works for us, but we also know that this is the right thing to do. Right. You know what I mean?

Mary Alessi [00:01:21]:
Oh, for sure. Because you both feel a peace about it. Yeah. And the one thing that women can't do, I'm gonna speak to all the wives out there, especially when you're young, is to be martyrs. Especially if you're married to somebody that's really strong and driven. Don't be a martyr. Be honest. Be loving, be kind, be respectful, be honoring to your spouse, but be honest.

Mary Alessi [00:01:40]:
This is another thing I wish I could go back and do. I wish I had trusted dad more with my feelings and my honesty. But I think in my that season, I was still protecting myself because you, you know, young, married, starting to have children, you kind of protect yourself. You you also will answer based on what's expected of you versus what you're really feeling. And it's okay to say it wrong.

Stephanie Muiña [00:02:04]:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:02:04]:
It's okay to to sound selfish in the moment. You hear yourself saying, okay, well, that's not right. Because you're you're building this life, not only to have children and have a house. You know, the the couple's dream should not be that one day we're gonna have a big house and all of our debts are paid. That's not a vision for your home. That's part of the vision. But the vision should be that we have harmony, that we understand one another, that we're supporting one another. I know that sounds like fantasy land.

Mary Alessi [00:02:30]:
But the truth is when 2 people are submitted to the vision of the home Yeah. With time, you're going to reach that place. We've accomplished what we set out because we followed the rules we set in place. Sometimes in the middle of seasons, you you renegotiate some terms. Yeah. You know? And and that's okay because you're gonna stay together forever. You never ever, ever, ever compromise and say that divorce is an option. Splitting up is an option.

Mary Alessi [00:03:02]:
But take that off the table. It's not an option. And if it's not, then what are you going to do to work this out to have harmony? Yeah.

Stephanie Muiña [00:03:09]:
I love that. Because I because that's key. In the last 10 months I've been married, 11 months, I've been really trying to find a rhyme for happy husband, happy something. Like, how happy wife, happy life. Right. There's nothing that rhymes with husband, but I'm gonna get there because I've been trying to find it because that's a truth as well. That's true. If you can make if both of you if both of each other can really reach this place of peace knowing you're doing it right, but also you're, like, helping each other out and satisfying each other's scheduling needs like that.

Mary Alessi [00:03:39]:
Was it is it inappropriate for me to say it's super simple. Doesn't have to rhyme. Sex, happy husband. Ew. But it's true. Mom. You know it's true. We don't talk about that.

Mary Alessi [00:03:50]:
I don't care. That's true. Happy wife, happy life. Sex. Happy husband. Sex, happy husband. I think that that does not have to rhyme.

Stephanie Muiña [00:03:59]:
I'm turning your head. Can you turn the AC on again?

Mary Alessi [00:04:02]:
That's because you're pregnant.

Stephanie Muiña [00:04:03]:
And I'm having a hot flash. That's all about it. That's absolutely right, though.

Mary Alessi [00:04:08]:
Just ask the men in the booth. They'll tell you. It's true. Same. We got the thumbs up. So easy. That is so funny. Okay.

Mary Alessi [00:04:15]:
Okay.

Jon Roman [00:04:16]:
So believe you were immaculately conceived.

Mary Alessi [00:04:19]:
What? What? Guys, I'm a virgin. Oh my god. Alright. I see. Your dad's not here. It's okay. I know we can

Jon Roman [00:04:30]:
say these things. I looked over my shoulder not too long ago, which I'll do on occasion and look at some of the people sitting right behind me, which are some of our dearest friends that have, stayed right along with us from day 1. And I look at that guy and I think to myself, my gosh, he's willing to sit not in one service, but sometimes 2 services to hear me preach the same message.

Mary Alessi [00:04:50]:
After how many years?

Stephanie Muiña [00:04:51]:
After 25 years. Like, I'm sick of hearing aid. How are you getting this?

Chris Alessi [00:04:58]:
And I'm like, are you kidding me, man?

Mary Alessi [00:05:01]:
It's amazing.

Jon Roman [00:05:02]:
Wow. That's just a testament to the good solid people that we have. And I wish each of you that are listening to this would, would just recognize that value of long term relationships. And we've had plenty of opportunities along the way to step off relationally from one another. Sure. But nobody did. No. A few.

Jon Roman [00:05:23]:
We lost a few. But along the way, man, those many of those people that were with us in that first Friday night have have come back into our world or are around.

Mary Alessi [00:05:33]:
But I also wanna say, I don't think we have any bad blood. Maybe I've forgotten somebody, but we don't have any bad blood with people that have left our church. And you and I both were raised in church. So we're

Mary Alessi [00:05:43]:
talking about our own personal experiences growing up

Mary Alessi [00:05:46]:
that you factor in the fact that somebody's gonna burn a bridge with you. And you if you see him in the mall, you can't say hi because they used to go to your church, and then they don't. There was a church split.

Jon Roman [00:05:56]:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:05:56]:
We did not we have never had a church split. We've never came close to a church split. And that's not just cross your fingers, hope to not die Yeah. Or to not have a church split. We have really worked hard

Chris Alessi [00:06:08]:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:06:09]:
To create a culture of you're not gonna split.

Jon Roman [00:06:13]:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:06:13]:
We're gonna work out this relationship with you. And if there's something good here, then God will birth something out of it. But that hasn't even happened. We've really had stickability, people that were called to stay.

Jon Roman [00:06:24]:
See, babe, what I wish people can pick up on is sometimes if you just do things right Do them right

Mary Alessi [00:06:30]:
Every time. You just

Jon Roman [00:06:31]:
do them right. That's it. You know, I used to say to Christopher growing up when he was a kid son, you can never go wrong by doing right. And you can't. But the flip side of that is true. You can never go right by doing wrong. Yeah. And there's some people when it comes to building family, business, church, whatever it is, they think they can do wrong and it not have long term consequences.

Jon Roman [00:06:51]:
It's gonna nip you, man. It's gonna come back.

Mary Alessi [00:06:52]:
Or fix it later in the future.

Stephanie Muiña [00:06:54]:
And you can't

Jon Roman [00:06:55]:
no. No. I always knew, okay, I wanted it to grow faster. Remember when you used to get so frustrated that it wasn't the church wasn't growing numerically faster? You would be so upset. What are you doing wrong, Steve? We're not doing this. We're not doing that. We gotta go to this conference.

Mary Alessi [00:07:09]:
Well, hold on. Okay. Hold on a minute. You would preach an hour. And I would want to sing for now. So let's just be honest here. God. You had preached 3 sermons in 1.

Jon Roman [00:07:21]:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:07:22]:
And right when I would be like, okay. Good. This is a perfect place for him to close. He has nailed it today. You'd start a whole new sermon. So remember how mad I you? I would get and I couldn't tell you because

Stephanie Muiña [00:07:30]:
you were so sensitive. Yes.

Jon Roman [00:07:32]:
I was.

Mary Alessi [00:07:32]:
But then I wanted to sing for 4 to 5 minutes to an hour. And you would go, you're wearing

Stephanie Muiña [00:07:37]:
the people out. Oh my god. You're leaving me with nothing.

Chris Alessi [00:07:40]:
Nothing. He'd take all the energy out of

Jon Roman [00:07:43]:
the room, and then I gotta resurrect him. So I'd preach for an hour just to keep him raise him from the dead.

Mary Alessi [00:07:50]:
So let's just let's just tell the people the real Hollywood true story. Oh, no. We did not always have it together. We are grateful for those early days, the people that loved us to love us through.

Jon Roman [00:08:01]:
You know, it's funny. I

Mary Alessi [00:08:03]:
was gonna say one more thing. Go. We didn't have any problems getting serving people to serve in the kids' ministry. Maybe that was why.

Chris Alessi [00:08:22]:
That's funny.

Mary Alessi [00:08:23]:
I'm just speculating. Just speculating. We gotta bring in some of the old timers and ask them.

Chris Alessi [00:08:28]:
Oh, man.

Jon Roman [00:08:29]:
Well, it is kinda funny today. Our kids Gabbie asked me the other day, she said, dad, that sermon you're preaching now, is that all new? Wow. Or did you preach that before? And I said, you know, Gabby, the truth is it's new from a fresh perspective, but it's also my old sermon that I just

Stephanie Muiña [00:08:58]:
shortened out. I just

Chris Alessi [00:09:00]:
cut out half of the stuff I used to put.

Jon Roman [00:09:04]:
And and she says, dad actually, she prefaced all that by saying, you're you and mom are preaching some of

Chris Alessi [00:09:09]:
your best service ever right now. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You're right. We, we had to cut out a lot of the fat. Oh my gosh. Gosh.

Jon Roman [00:09:19]:
I can remember learning that lesson. No. I gotta tell them. I gotta tell them. Oh. They gotta hear it. They gotta hear it.

Stephanie Muiña [00:09:25]:
Because we're all dying tomorrow.

Mary Alessi [00:09:26]:
I don't say it today.

Stephanie Muiña [00:09:28]:
They're not gonna give.

Mary Alessi [00:09:30]:
And you would spite that. I'd go, he's right. He's right. What kind of a

Stephanie Muiña [00:09:34]:
pastor's wife am I?

Jon Roman [00:09:35]:
Oh my gosh. I remember when, I remember when we started, and I hated to go out to the beginning of the service. And I felt bad for you too.

Mary Alessi [00:09:44]:
Thank you. Tell the truth.

Jon Roman [00:09:46]:
Because you would have to start the service. You're on the keyboards at the time. So we got Alan Paul here who's on our keyboards today and Marcus' son. But that was you back when we started.

Stephanie Muiña [00:09:57]:
I was

Mary Alessi [00:09:57]:
like that monkey at the circus.

Stephanie Muiña [00:10:01]:
I played played played a little drums. The little digital drums. It's terrible. Playing.

Jon Roman [00:10:06]:
So I you would go out there with your backup singers, and you'd be the leader. Meanwhile, we're in a group of like a room that seats, I guess it's close to 200 back then. But, nobody there's too crowded

Mary Alessi [00:10:19]:
to put them all in. On the platform singing.

Jon Roman [00:10:21]:
Oh, oh, at that point. Then there were So you would start, nobody would be in the room.

Mary Alessi [00:10:24]:
Nobody would be in the room.

Jon Roman [00:10:25]:
And I would not go out, because I was not gonna subject myself to that kind of that that that pressure. It was terrible. And I used to think, thank God I'm not married at

Chris Alessi [00:10:34]:
this point.

Jon Roman [00:10:36]:
And then my buddy comes to town, and we're, like, talking before the service, and you have to go out and leave to start. And he's like, Alessi, what are you doing? I said, well, I'm waiting my time.

Stephanie Muiña [00:10:49]:
I can't do it.

Jon Roman [00:10:50]:
He says, no man. You can't wait your time. You gotta get out there and lead, dude. You gotta lead. If you're gonna lead as a pastor, you gotta lead and be out there before the praise and worship services starts. And I'm like That's

Mary Alessi [00:11:01]:
a good invitation of him. That's exactly how

Jon Roman [00:11:03]:
he That's exactly how he talked. I'm like, so I listened to him for, like, a month, and I'm like, no way. I'm sorry. Mary gets paid to sit in a paycheck too. Let her handle that. I'll be there when I'm ready.

Mary Alessi [00:11:15]:
And you know why I didn't mind? Because it was the only area you couldn't tell me what to do. Because you were always so bossy. And I was like, I'm glad he's not out here. I can sing whatever I wanna sing.

Chris Alessi [00:11:28]:
You can't tell

Mary Alessi [00:11:28]:
me what to sing.

Chris Alessi [00:11:30]:
Gabby, you know, you just you're in the dating season. You you I guess you could say you the 2 of us, you're the closest to the season of life that you were referring to in the podcast.

Stephanie Muiña [00:11:40]:
Yes.

Chris Alessi [00:11:42]:
So did you think that way when you were a young teenager, the way that you would advise them now, the comments you made in those videos, do did you think that way when you were a teenager?

Mary Alessi [00:11:54]:
Meaning, like, the the advice I've I've get gave them. I've always had that.

Chris Alessi [00:11:57]:
Like, the advice you gave now, compare the advice you would give now to when you were actually in that season.

Mary Alessi [00:12:03]:
Yep. I think part of it, yes. I think a lot of it, I I knew that that season, if I did have a relationship with that season, I knew it wouldn't last. And so if it wouldn't last, then I didn't wanna get into it. But when I was, like, really young and I was, like, in middle school and I was, like, first going into youth group and I would see all the different boys and everything, No. I was like, this is so exciting and, oh my god, that's my husband. Like, I really did believe there was at a certain point that Harry Styles and I were just gonna bump into each other and fall in love.

Jon Roman [00:12:30]:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:12:31]:
That was my my belief.

Stephanie Muiña [00:12:32]:
And the

Chris Alessi [00:12:32]:
closest you ever got?

Mary Alessi [00:12:34]:
Was I did meet his dad, and I thought this was the moment. This is happening.

Chris Alessi [00:12:37]:
Meeting celebrity dads.

Mary Alessi [00:12:38]:
I know. It's kinda cool.

Chris Alessi [00:12:39]:
So She met Tua's dad.

Mary Alessi [00:12:41]:
But that's not the point of this podcast. No. So I think I did have some understanding of it, but at the same time, no. I think I I was very much in this season, and I wanted to I had the crushes, and I I would try to talk to to different boys. But the thing was I didn't I was like I was a late bloomer physically. So even if I wanted to date, it was But

Chris Alessi [00:13:07]:
that yapper was well developed

Stephanie Muiña [00:13:09]:
early on. Developing and no.

Mary Alessi [00:13:12]:
But I honestly do see it as, like, the hand of God because I was able to not get involved with people and I can just watch it. But a lot of I did not live and learn. A lot of things I would receive from the wisdom of others.

Chris Alessi [00:13:25]:
Well, dad's always said, you know, you either learn in the principal's office in the classroom. Yeah. And you were somebody that wanted to learn in the classroom.

Mary Alessi [00:13:31]:
I did not want to go through the the the dark season if I didn't have to.

Chris Alessi [00:13:37]:
So what made that switch? Because if I'm reading you right, you it was like, okay. Maybe middle school, you didn't think that way. But then there was a day, like, kinda towards high school where you're like, alright. It wouldn't work. So that's still a long way away from today. Yeah. So what made that switch all the way back then for you?

Mary Alessi [00:13:55]:
I think it was because I saw what you were processing and the experiences you were having. I saw the experiences that my my older sister was having, And then I was just hearing from different leaders in my life, and I was literally sit there and be like, is this going to take me down a good road or a bad road? Am I gonna is it gonna work or if it's not? And I'm of the personality.

Mary Alessi [00:14:19]:
I'm so sorry. I'm gonna just start getting you.

Chris Alessi [00:14:22]:
I I I had to hold in a yawn, and here

Stephanie Muiña [00:14:24]:
she's going out. You're yawning.

Chris Alessi [00:14:27]:
I so I have this issue. I'm not tired. But when I start to speak in this tone for whatever reason, it, like, opens up a soft palate and I start yawning. My dad gets so mad at me. He's like, you look tired. I'm not. I just had coffee. It's just And he just It's it's my cross to bear, and you're making fun of me.

Chris Alessi [00:14:46]:
You know what? What you don't realize is half of those comments we're making are my burner accounts, and I'm coming for your throat for things like this.

Mary Alessi [00:14:53]:
You know, our parents, we've been very blessed to have godly parents that raised us up to serve the Lord. And one way that we honor them is by caring for them in every season that is godly. Right. When we we understood the season to separate and to leave the home and cleave to one another, and our parents were both very good about that. And then we've never had a, between your mom, my mom, and your dad, a manipulating, meddling parent, Only my father, but he's in heaven today. I hope he is. But, we we have such godly examples, and it that can't stop with us. We have to make sure that our kids understand the blessing that it is to be able to say, my life will always be there.

Mary Alessi [00:15:41]:
The busyness, the roller coaster, the job, our bed that we love being in because our backs hurt from moving around so much, all the traveling we've done. And it would have been easier and and more understandable for us to have just stayed home and said, she'll be fine. We'll see her later.

Chris Alessi [00:15:57]:
But to

Mary Alessi [00:15:57]:
make that additional sacrifice to say, It isn't a sacrifice. It's our reasonable service

Jon Roman [00:16:02]:
Right.

Mary Alessi [00:16:03]:
Because she's nobody else's mom but ours.

Jon Roman [00:16:06]:
Right.

Mary Alessi [00:16:07]:
She is ours. Right. We're not leaving her up to be cared for by anyone else but family members. Mhmm. And there's something that I think is so beautiful to teach that to your children. It's not a burden. It's not an obligation. It's not a pain in the neck.

Mary Alessi [00:16:22]:
It doesn't put us out. It's priority

Jon Roman [00:16:25]:
Right.

Mary Alessi [00:16:26]:
Because we don't know how much more time we have with her. And it is not even to eliminate regret. It eliminates regret. But we don't do that so we can say, well, we were there. Thank God, I don't want to have any regrets. That's not what motivates us. It's the right thing and the honorable thing to be there for the woman that we're here because of her.

Jon Roman [00:16:49]:
Right. So the point that I was really wanting you to hammer down on is how this is setting an example for your kids.

Mary Alessi [00:16:56]:
Yes. It is. Because they learn. It's natural for them. It's what mom and dad did. This is what we do. We vacation twice a year. It's what we do.

Mary Alessi [00:17:05]:
We have a house in Georgia. We go away for the Thanksgiving holidays. That is what we do. We have our family traditions, the things that are sacred. This is what our family does. It's a no brainer. And it's not just taught through talking. We they're seeing us model it.

Jon Roman [00:17:22]:
Mhmm.

Mary Alessi [00:17:23]:
They're watching us, put our mothers first

Jon Roman [00:17:26]:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:17:27]:
And, and our schedules second. Mhmm. Because they matter.

Jon Roman [00:17:32]:
Right.

Mary Alessi [00:17:32]:
And they're they're experiencing that, and it will be a natural expectation for them.

Jon Roman [00:17:37]:
Yeah. Here's the challenge that comes with taking care of older parents, is seeing your moms or your dads, not like they once were in your eyes.

Mary Alessi [00:17:48]:
Oh, yeah.

Jon Roman [00:17:49]:
That's a tough thing.

Mary Alessi [00:17:50]:
It's very hard.

Jon Roman [00:17:50]:
Because here you think of them in their years where you were forming your opinions about life and they said so much, or they did so much that you looked at and you like held them in high esteem and high regard for, wow, that's a certain standard that you have, you know? But then as you get older and you start seeing that, they can't remember things Yeah. Or they say things, over and over and over again, they repeat things, or they, just don't feel like they have the energy to wanna get up and go anymore. You know, that's that's a challenge for an adult that is trying to care for their aging adults because you can't handle seeing your parents. No. Anything less than just on the go and strong.

Mary Alessi [00:18:41]:
The only parent the the only way you've ever known them

Jon Roman [00:18:44]:
Yep.

Mary Alessi [00:18:44]:
Is to be so full of life and strong. And that parent, that's the one that is frozen in your mind

Jon Roman [00:18:51]:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:18:51]:
Not this one.

Jon Roman [00:18:52]:
I'm reminded of couple of trips ago that we took to Israel and your mother who loves to travel. K. Your mom is 81, I believe. And she loves to travel, especially cruise. And she took us on a cruise one summer and we're like, we're done with this cruise no more. It was not ours.

Mary Alessi [00:19:12]:
It was too hot.

Jon Roman [00:19:13]:
Well, it was a river cruise. And we were like the the the children compared to all the older cruisers on the ship. But I remember her going to she was supposed to meet us in New York

Mary Alessi [00:19:26]:
at the airport. Oh my goodness.

Jon Roman [00:19:28]:
And she got up. And what did she do?

Mary Alessi [00:19:30]:
She had vitamins in one pocket.

Jon Roman [00:19:32]:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:19:33]:
And she had Xanax in the next pocket. And they were old, because she'd had them like for 2 years. And so she thought they might be expired. And she wasn't thinking. And as she gets in the car, and thank God someone was driving her. She wasn't driving herself. When she gets in the car, she reached in to pop the vitamins, and she was gonna take the Xanax on the on the plane when she once she got on the plane. And she just accidentally popped the 2 Xanax and did not realize she did it and then goes to get out of the car and can't even walk into the airport.

Stephanie Muiña [00:20:08]:
Word expired. And so we

Mary Alessi [00:20:11]:
get the phone call, you know, I put her on the plane and we were so afraid when we got to New York that she would be so asleep, they wouldn't be able to get her off the plane. My sisters were freaking out, we were freaking out. And of course, we teased her royally. But that was several years ago. Today, we wouldn't tease her or anything like that. But back then, I'll never forget, they wheeled her around the corner and there she was.

Stephanie Muiña [00:20:33]:
She looked like a zombie.

Jon Roman [00:20:35]:
Head bouncing around in that wheelchair.

Mary Alessi [00:20:37]:
Then she got on the flight to Israel and could not go to sleep.

Jon Roman [00:20:41]:
Oh, lord. Yeah. But when we see our parents get older and they do things like that, you know, You realize, okay. Now tables have really turned.

Mary Alessi [00:20:50]:
Yeah. They're your kids almost. Yes. Yeah.

Jon Roman [00:20:52]:
I'm the parent here, and they're not.

Mary Alessi [00:20:54]:
Mom, what are you taking?

Jon Roman [00:20:55]:
What are you taking?

Stephanie Muiña [00:20:56]:
What is that mom? Let me see that. Don't put that in your mouth.

Chris Alessi [00:21:01]:
You've just enjoyed another episode of the family business podcast with the Alessis, and we can't thank you enough for being a part of our podience today. Now that you've learned more about us, here's how you can join in in the family business. 1st, make sure you're following our podcast right now, and download this episode so you can hear it at any time. 2nd, think of someone you know that might need or enjoy this episode, and share it with them. You'll be helping them, and helping us to spread the word about the family business. 3rd, go to alessefamilybusiness.com, and tap the ask the alessees button. This is really cool. You can use it to record a voicemail comment or question, and we can add your voice to our conversations.

Chris Alessi [00:21:42]:
Finally, while you're on our page, tap the reviews tab, and you'll see a link to leave a review on Apple Podcasts. We love reading your reviews, and we might even share them on the show. Thanks again for joining us, and we'll see you next time at the Family Business with the Alessis, because family is everybody's business.